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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Joseph Maxwell

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Joseph Maxwell edit

I have recently been working on this article, and was seeking any ideas for improvement. Any and all ideas and comments welcome. Thanks, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 08:27, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Woody edit

  • The second paragraph of the Lead seems a bit too much like original research to me. Can we stick to the facts? Most, if not all of that second paragraph is not included in the article itself.
  • Sorry. I have since re-written the second paragraph to only include actual facets of his life. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 11:56, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...was training out of the line" Which line? Make sure you avoid jargon
  • WP:MOSNUM: dates again, either link them all or none at all. (By that I mean those without years).
  • Note that autoformatting has been deprecated, i.e. no longer encouraged. It is no longer a policy nor guideline and should only be used if it adds value to the article in regards to the dates ("Dates are not linked unless there is a particular reason to do so."). There is also no rule to state that if a date is linked, the rest of the dates should be linked as well. Read WP:MOSNUM carefully. Jappalang (talk) 22:52, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Change World War I to the Commonwealth-English First World War.
  • Is there anything more on his early life? It seems a bit small in comparison to the rest of the article.
  • The information there is all I can obtain from the sources I possess, but there is a book that was recently published that I think has more information on Maxwell; so hopefully I can add to the early life section when I obtain a copy of the said book. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 11:56, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Other than that, I can't really see much wrong with it. It looks good, comprehensive, images are there, a few instance of jargon, well sourced. Well done. Woody (talk) 10:40, 27 August 2008 (UTC)a[reply]

Jappalang edit

I had performed a copyedit and these are my thoughts on going through the article.

  • Continually specifying the dates he went into the hospital, go into a rehabilitation area, and back to the unit is redundant. Instead of making it a calender-like chronicle of events, trivial matters can be eliminated and stronger focus (grammar, style, content) paid to the key events of Maxwell's life.
  • "Wire" (barbwire lines of defence, barbwire fence?) should be rendered in layman terms or clear to the general reader (who might wonder what is the significance of a single wire for the Germans).
  • I have slightly re-worded this area, so hopefully it is okay now. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 00:13, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I do not think a full quote of the citation for Maxwell's Victoria Cross is needed. Just quote the key text (i.e. the last three paragraphs or such).
  • Did Hell's Bells and Mademoiselles enjoy any literary or commercial success?
  • I'm not sure actually, all of the sources I have don't specify how well the book was, but I will have a look around to see if I can find out. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 23:56, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think Maxwell's deeds can, on the whole, speak for him and need not be pettered with superfluous details like exact dates of each event. Eliminating the need to specify each date would remove a prose- or timeline feel to the article, allowing the reader or editor to focus on the prominent events of this soldier's life. Jappalang (talk) 22:52, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for having a look mate. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 23:56, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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