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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Niels Bohr

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Niels Bohr edit

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)


Yes, another mad scientist. Maybe not as famous as Fermi, but also a Nobel Prize winner, who worked on Tube Alloys and the Manhattan Project. Hawkeye7 (talk) 13:11, 2 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • CommentsSupport
  • "One of his sons, Aage Bohr, was also a physicist and in 1975 also received the Nobel Prize." I wasn't convinced that this belonged in the lead.
  • "but was not as accomplished a player as his brother Harald Bohr, who played for the Danish national team at the 1908 Summer Olympics." ditto
  • "Bohr developed the Bohr model of the atom with the atomic nucleus at the centre and electrons in orbit around it, which he compared to the planets orbiting the Sun. " - the "with" implied to me that the reader knew that the model was; I was wondering if "the Bohr model of the atom, positioning the atomic nucleus at the centre and electrons in orbit around it," would read better
    • They all learned it in school, and it is still the image most people have of an atom. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:34, 15 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He worked on the idea in quantum mechanics that electrons move from one energy level to another in discrete steps, not continuously." - "the idea" suggested a similar, prior definition. "One of his contributions to quantum mechanics was a theory that...", or "He helped develop a theory within quantum mechanics that..."?
  • "zirconium" - worth linking
  • "During the 1930s, Bohr gave refugees from Nazism temporary jobs at the Institute" - being picky, they weren't refugees from an ideology, but rather from Nazi Germany or the Danish authorities.
    • No, I really do mean from the Nazi ideology. Not from the Danish authorities, and not necessarily from Germany. Most were German Jews, but there were communists like Klaus Fuchs. Nor were they all escaping Germany; Enrico Fermi fled Italy, Edward Teller fled Hungary, George Placzek fled Czechoslovakia and Stanislaw Ulam fled Poland. Some simply didn't want to put up with the Nazis. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:11, 15 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He had a sister, Jenny, who was two years older, and a brother Harald, who was two years younger. " - the older and younger bit felt odd, probably of the coincidence of "two years" having to be repeated.
    • Re-worded: " He had an older sister, Jenny, and a younger brother Harald."
  • "played a number of matches for the Copenhagen-based Akademisk Boldklub, with Niels playing goalkeeper." - repetition of "played" "playing"
  • "In 1905, prompted by a gold medal competition, sponsored by the Royal Danish Academy of Sciences and Letters, to investigate a method for measuring the surface tension of liquids that had been proposed by Lord Rayleigh in 1879, Bohr conducted a series of experiments, using his father's laboratory in the university, familiar to him from assisting there since childhood, because the university had no physics laboratory. " - a really long sentence, worth breaking in two.
  • "Harald became the first of the two Bohr brothers to earn a master's degree, for mathematics in April 1909. Although he was older, Bohr took another nine months to earn his. He had to submit a thesis on a subject assigned by his supervisor." - it's unclear from this section why the comparative academic success/speed of the brothers is important to Niels' life history.
    • It's just a yardstick for comparison. Bohr was bright, but not fast. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:11, 15 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Earlier in 1910 Bohr had met Margrethe Nørlund, sister of the mathematician Niels Erik Nørlund." - Probably worth some commas - "Earlier, in 1910, Bohr had met..."
  • "Bohr resigned his membership in the Lutheran Church on 16 April 1912, and they were married in a civil ceremony at the town hall in Slagelse on 1 August. " - sorry to ask the obvious question, but do we know why?
    • It's not clear from the sources. Partly just to have a secular wedding; but there was an obvious rejection of religion. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:11, 15 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • To elaborate: The Lutheran Church in Denmark was an established church. They would have had to marry in a church.Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:51, 19 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Years later, his brother Harald would similarly leave the church before getting married.[11] They had six sons." - again, unclear why Harald's loss of faith is important to Bohr's history. I'm assuming that "They" is Bohr and wife, vice Harald and his wife?
  • A bit more to come. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:45, 15 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Final bits from me:
  • "In 1911, Bohr travelled to England, where he met with J. J. Thomson, of Trinity College, Cambridge and Cavendish Laboratory. " - "the Cavendish Laboratory"?
  • "His three famous papers, which became known as "the Trilogy", were published in Philosophical Magazine in July, September and November of that year." - were they famous before they were published, or did come after publication? As written, it suggests the former.
    • Added "later". They became famous after they were published. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:20, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "were formally introduced to the king" - I think "King" would be correct here (it is standing in for the King's name)
  • "Bohr was able to then declare that the as-yet-undiscovered element 72 was not a rare earth element, but an element with chemical properties like zirconium." - unclear if this means that element 72 had chemical properties - as does zirconium - or if it had chemical properties similar to those of zirconium. If the latter, "zirconium's" would clarify the sentence.
  • "BKS theory was perhaps" - second "perhaps" in a row. "possibly"?
  • "The provocativeness of the theory" - "provocativeness" didn't quite work for me. Would "originality" work?
    • Removed. "Provocative" appears in the next sentence. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:20, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A turning point was the introduction of spin by George Uhlenbeck" - "turning point" and "spin" made me smile. Perhaps a different phrasing is required?
    • A clear example of a Freudian turn of phrase on my part. Aaaargh did it again. Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:20, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1914, Carl Jacobsen, the founder of the Carlsberg breweries, had left his mansion, Aeresbolig, to be used for life by the Dane who had made the most prominent contribution to science, literature or the arts." - "bequeathed" rather than "left" would clarify the meaning of the sentence early on.
  • "he had some "disagreement with Kierkegaard's ideas." - I think the MOS doesn't like wikilinks inside quotes - but I could be wrong.
    • As much as possible, avoid linking from within quotes, which may clutter the quotation, violate the principle of leaving quotations unchanged, and mislead or confuse the reader. In this case the quote is just a snippet so I have paraphrased it. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:20, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to prevent the Germans from discovering Max von Laue's and James Franck's gold Nobel medals, Bohr had de Hevesy dissolve them in acid. In this form, they were stored on a shelf at the Institute until after the war, when the gold was precipitated and the medals re-struck by the Nobel Foundation." - this really impressed me. I'd never realised. Hchc2009 (talk) 19:08, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • CommentsSupport
    • No dab links [1] (no action required).
    • External links check reveals one dead link [2]:
      • The coins and banknotes of Denmark (info) [nationalbanken.dk]
    • Images lack Alt Text [3] so you might consider adding it (not and ACR requirement though - suggestion only).
      • Hate ALT text. Never understood why it could not be pulled in from Commons so you one have to key it in once. Anyway, done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 02:40, 31 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals no issues with reference consolidation (no action required).
    • Images are all PD or licenced and seem appropriate to the article (no action required).
    • The Earwig Tool isn't working again but Google searches reveal no issues with copyright violation [4] (no action required).
    • Some duplicate links which need to be removed per WP:REPEATLINK:
      • George de Hevesy
      • Old quantum theory
      • Max Born
      • quantum mechanics
      • Harald Høffding
      • Royal Danish Academy of Sciences and Letters
      • Lise Meitner
      • George Placzek
      • James Franck
      • Bohr model
      • hydrogen
    • This seems a little informal: "The next month, Bohr headed down to Leiden...", perhaps "Bohr travelled to Leiden..." instead?
    • Some inconsistency in presentation: "Second World War" and "World War II"
    • This seems a little awkward: "He died at his home in Carlsberg on 18 November 1962 of heart failure." Perhaps consider "He died of heart failure at his home in Carlsberg on 18 November 1962." (minor nitpick - suggestion only).
    • Is there a word missing here: "He was cremated and his ashes buried in the family plot Assistens Kirkegård in the Nørrebro section of Copenhagen, along with those of his parents, his brother Harald, and son Christian...."? Do you mean "Copenhagen cemetery"?
      • I don't write this bit, but surely, everyone will mentally read Kirkegård as "Churchyard"? Anyhow, changed to "cemetary". Hawkeye7 (talk) 02:40, 31 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Some of the references need to be modified to use title case. For instance "Aaserud, Finn. "History of the institute: The establishment of an institute", "The coins and banknotes of Denmark. Danmarks Nationalbank. 2005. ISBN 978-87-87251-55-6. Retrieved 7 September 2010." and "Aaserud, Finn (2006). "Niels Bohr's mission for an 'open world'". In Kokowski, M.. Proceedings of the 2nd ICESHS. pp. 706–709. Retrieved 26 June 2011."

Support Comments: interesting subject. A few suggestions from me:

  • "and a promoter of research in science" --> "and a promoter of scientific research"?
  • "a friend of his father's" --> "a friend of his father"?
  • "Although he was older, Bohr took..." --> "Although he was older, Niels took"?
  • "He had to submit a thesis on a subject assigned by his supervisor. In Bohr's case, his supervisor was Christiansen, and the topic was on the electron theory of metals". --> "He had to submit a thesis on the electron theory of metals to his supervisor, Christiansen."
    • No, that won't work. I've re-worded differently Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:47, 19 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and was intrigued by a paper of Darwin's on electrons" --> "and was intrigued by a paper Darwin had written on electrons";
  • this seems to be missing something: "Balmer's formula worked was corroborated by the discovery of additional spectral lines". Perhaps, "Balmer's formula worked and was corroborated by the discovery of additional spectral lines"
  • "In the first paper of the Bohr was". Perhaps "In his first paper, Bohr..."?
    • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:47, 19 April 2013 (UTC) Re-worded[reply]
    • I stopped at Quantum mechanics as it is late here. I will come back tomorrow. AustralianRupert (talk) 13:51, 19 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've added my support. I made a few more tweaks, please check you are happy with them and adjust as you see fit. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 05:00, 20 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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