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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Leslie Morshead

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted. Constantine ✍ 10:59, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Leslie Morshead edit

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)


Continuing the series on the commanders in the South West Pacific, we have one of the best known: Leslie Morshead. (Although, to be sure, he is best known for Tobruk and El Alamein and not SWPA) Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:40, 5 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support

Really nice work overall. I did make some minor changes and corrections rather than write up them up here, so please check you are OK with them. I also have some comments/suggestions (a few are me being pedantic on the presentation side of things):

Lead
  • It may be me, but the second paragraph of the lead seems to start abruptly in its present form; perhaps it could start with a reference to Morshead being a teacher once he finished school and working in Melbourne at the start of the war?
  • The lead states Morshead's platoon made the furthest advance on 25 April - is this right as it isn't supported by the body of the article? Perhaps the lead be amended to refer to his battalion?
  • Shouldn't the Villers-Bretonneux link be to the battles rather than the place?
  • Perhaps combine the two sentences referring to II Corps?
    • Typo. Should be I Corps in Borneo. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:58, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Gallipoli
  • The phrase "2nd Infantry Battalion" is repeatedly used after its first mention; could it not be referred to as the battalion or his battalion etc... This also applies to some of Morshead's other units mentioned later in the article.
  • 1st para, is A23 some sort of designation for troop ships?
  • "...like so many others..." seems a little emotive...delete "so"?
  • Gallipoli isn't wikilinked anywhere - perhaps amend the last sentence to refer to the MiD for the Gallipoli Campaign and link that?
Western Front
  • You might want to check how that quote from Bean (note 23) starts: "A" or "...a" - I would do it but I'm having probs with the pdf for that chapter of Bean.
  • "The 33rd Infantry Battalion was then relieved, and withdrawn to Villers-Bretonneux to rest. However on 4 April, was astonished to find that the line had again been broken..."; who was astonished, Morshead or Rosenthal?
    • Morshead, who discovered that brigade headquarters (now under Goddard) was in advance of the front line rather than behind it, as was customary. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:58, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think the last sentence of this section could be amended for sake of clarity; perhaps "...and as a result of his service on the Western Front had been Mentioned in Dispatches three more times."
Tobruk
  • Something is missing in the last sentence of the first para in relation to the Brit artillery and armour - should it read "bringing up British..." or something similar?
  • 2nd para - what are the "remaining forces"?
El Alamein
  • First paragraph - should mention that he still had (presumably) divisional command of 9th Division as well as all other Aussie forces in the Med. The way this is presently worded suggests to me Morshead now has a higher command but then the third para is about the 9th Division.
Borneo Campaign
  • First para: Morshead had already taken over the Second Army (refer last para of New Guinea Campaign).
    • Yes. Tried to make it clearer. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:58, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • Still a bit of an issue in the 1st paragraph RE "the November announcment" which has not been mentioned previously in relation to the Second Army.
      • Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:13, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also, this sentence: "On the contrary, Blamey had recommended to Prime Minister John Curtin that Morshead should succeed him in the event that he became incapacitated." Is "him" Blamey or Mackay?

References

  • Shouldn't "(PDF)" be added to the entries for Long, Maughn and Miller?
  • Location for Horner (1982)?

I've done my dash here, hope it helps with getting this article promoted. Zawed (talk) 10:46, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thaks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:58, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • You are welcome, it is looking really good now, just one thing RE Borneo section that needs clarification - see new comment above. Zawed (talk) 20:33, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Have added my support, all the best. Zawed (talk) 05:34, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • CommentsSupport
    • Four dab links [1]:
      • Operation Coronet
      • David Jones
      • Clery
      • Hamel
    • External links check out [2] (no action required).
    • Images lack Alt Text [3] so you might consider adding it (suggestion only - not an ACR requirement).
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals one error with reference consolidation:
      • "adb" (Multiple references are using the same name)
    • Images are all public domain or licensed and seem appropriate to the article (no action required).
    • The Earwig Tool reveals no issues with copyright violations [4] (only comes up with a wiki mirror) (no action required).
    • The lead seems a little too concise. Specifically it has him serving as a private and landing at Anzac (giving the impression he was still a soldier, rather than an officer, at that time), then serving as CO 33rd Bn (quite a remarkable promotion!). In reality though, as the article does make clear, he was commissioned prior to leaving overseas, landing at Anzac as a LT etc. As such would it make sense to make it clear that he was commissioned soon after enlisting?
    • Is this a typo: "not restricted appoints to senior posts to Militia officers...", do you mean "appoinments"?
    • Some overlinking (Salisbury Plain, Tobruk, Blamey, various ranks, New Guinea Force, Curtin, Atherton Tableland and RMC - Duntroon are wikilinked twice) per WP:REPEATLINK.

Anotherclown (talk) 09:37, 11 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • CommentsSupport
    • I've made several minor changes to grammar, punctuation and wikilinking in particular, feel free to revert if you don't think they help. I don't have a huge amount to add given the thorough work done above. A few comments:
      • Some of the links were quite interesting. I did not know that Evans had an article. Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:27, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Not sure why you've gone with Alan rather than George Vasey for the wikilink, I know his family always called him Alan, but he is far more commonly known as George. As soon as I read it I felt something was wrong with it, and most readers familiar with Australian military history would too.
      • He's not called that in any of the official histories or primary documents. A search on the internet turned up his entry at the Australia War Memorial site. Not sure that's right though. Changed to "George Alan Vasey" Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:27, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Suggest you reword "He was rewarded with the capture of Madang in April 1944", the context of the previous sentence doesn't support the use of the term "rewarded". What was he being rewarded for? Persistence?
    • Suggest a brief explanation that Coronet was the planned invasion of Honshu.
    • Suggest a brief explanation that the Big Brother movement was a British youth emigration support scheme.

Regards, Peacemaker67 (send... over) 00:41, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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