Wikipedia:Peer review/Rio de Janeiro bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics/archive2

Rio de Janeiro bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because it need gramatical improvements.

Thanks, Felipe Menegaz 00:31, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Maxim comments The quality of the writing isn't that bad at all—in fact, I've done some tweaking, but to be honest, I really don't think it's an issue. Some other comments:

Would it be possible to get lessen the amount of lengthy references strings (more than three)? They are distracting and they really make the article appear bigger than it really is, which brings me to my next pointer.
You've split many sections into subarticles, but 3471 words on a single bid to seemed somewhat overwhelming for four main sections and a lead (which would be eight sections in total). Part of this problem is the 195 references (cf. Quark, with about 400 more words but 30 kB less total article size). I think the paragraphs are also quite fat (ref strings partially to blame), so as a whole the article could use some more summarizing.
Not really critical, but the See also at the end is awkward. You seem to have merged the See also section (which goes usually goes above refs, btw) with external links. Again, the presentation isn't that bad, but some links like the BBC and Reuters are not useful. Since it's an Olympic bid, I'd remove the FIFA link, too.
Now, if you're going to go to FAC with this, their latest stylistic requirement is the use of alt text, so you'll need to add it if you're going that route.

Hope this helps, Maxim_(talk) 00:42, 3 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Replies

All references are necessary because each of them completes a part of the text. In my opinion all are important.
As I said, it would not be prudent remove references. At the same time, I think that is not a good idea summarize the text, since all extraneous parts were eliminated. It is impossible to extract more information.
Done.
All the images need to have an alternative text?

Thank you for the comments, you helped a lot. Regards; Felipe Menegaz 21:23, 3 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

OK, it looks good. For alt text, ask at WT:ALT as I'm really not familiar with it. Maxim_(talk) 21:22, 8 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments mostly on the images I noticed that many of the images seem to have little connection with the article or their caption (except that they are of Rio). As examples

The image of Sugarload and a cable car has the following caption Rio de Janeiro was chosen by the Brazilian Olympic Committee (BOC) as the national postulant city to the 2016 Summer Olympics, in September 1, 2006.
Or File:CopacabanaPavement.jpg says nothing about Copacabana, but instead mentions governmental and local support
The ferris wheel image connection also escapes me, though the next two (of people) are good
File:Rio de Janeiro 2016 Olympic banner.jpg is a red link
The fair use image File:Rio de Janeiro bid project for the 2016 Summer Olympics.jpg needs to clearly explain what is being shown in the image (my guess is that it is Barra da Tijuca, but I am not clear if it is of actual facilities or of planned facilities)
I like the maps and think I would include File:Rio de Janeiro bid map for the 2016 Summer Olympics.svg in the article itself (not hidden in a box).
The hardest criteria for most articles at FAC to meet is a professional level of English and this needs a copyedit before FAC - see WP:WIAFA For example (picked at random) what is an "apart-hotel"? Also is this about the IOC or the soccer tournamanet? There will be 49,750 rooms to meet IOC requirements,[149] of which some 1,700 are located in apart-hotels in the city and more than 13,000 in hotels throughout Rio de Janeiro and the soccer tournament host cities.[150][151]
Spell out numbers below ten per the MOS

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog. I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:32, 11 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Replies All images have connection with the article. The captions are refering to the text, while the description of the images are in alternative text (WP:ALT).

The first image (left) shows the symbol of the candidature, the Sugarloaf mountain, which was the inspiration for the official logo.
The second image (left) shows where the Evaluation Commission was accommodated, subject displayed in the section.
The third image (left) shows the Rio de Janeiro 2016 Big wheel, as part of the bid's concept.
The fourth image (left) shows the artistic concept of the proposed rowing venue to be located at the Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon.
Right-aligned images fixed.
Added link for Apartment hotel. There will be 13,000 rooms in hotels throughout Rio de Janeiro and the football tournament host cities (Brasília, Belo Horizonte, Salvador and São Paulo). See Football_at_the_Olympics#Venues.
Fixed numbers.

Thank you for the feedback! Regards; Felipe Menegaz 19:27, 11 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for clarifying that - I think many people look at the images before reading the article, so the caption should also clarify the connection between the image and the article. Please see Wikipedia:Captions too. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:13, 12 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]