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Wikipedia:Peer review/My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic/archive2

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My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Gotten back from my little "break" from Wikipedia to begin preparing FiM to it's long awaited FA. Obviously, it's nowhere near to that status, but doesn't mean it can't get a little closer. Rainbow Dash !xmcuvg2MH 17:24, 21 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • There's a citation needed tag in the Origin section that needs to be addressed
  • "Twilight becomes close friends with five other ponies;(list of ponies)" isn't it supposed to be a colon instead of a semi-colon? because you're listing ponies
  • I guess the Premise section references itself, but could you possibly find more sources for some sentences?
  • The references have to be consistent with the publishing and retrivel dates: either have it formatted "YY-MM-DD" or "[Month] [Date], [Year]"; choose one format or the other for all the sources
  • Ref#28 is apparently an unreliable source; replace it with a reliable one
  • The images in the Internet following subsection seems to be sandwiching text between the two; I suggest moving the attendee image a little higher
  • "This season is scheduled to premiere on September 17, 2011." source?

This should get you started-SCB '92 (talk) 20:35, 4 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jappalang

I had a quick run-through and have a few comments per below.

Origin

  • "The latest television show prior to Friendship is Magic was produced in 1992, titled My Little Pony Tales, featuring the pony designs of the first generation, or G1. It was followed by various direct-to-video releases since, which featured G3 and later designs."
    So what ever happened with G2?
  • "During her pitch to Lisa Licht of Hasbro Studios, Licht pulled one of their recent My Little Pony animated works, "completely on the fly" according to Faust, with Licht considering that Faust's style was well suited to that line and offered her the opportunity to be the creative developer of the Generation 4 series."
  • This ia a clunky sentence and I am not certain what "Licht pulled one of their recent My Little Pony animated works" means (in production lingo, "pull" would mean removing a show from its schedule).
  • "To do this, she incorporated many elements into the design of the characters and the show which contradicted idealized stereotypes of girls, ..."
    The way the sentence is structured, one might assume that the the show "contradicts idealized stereotypes" and be left wondering what are the "many elements".
  • "... and the idea that girls should not limited by what others say they can or can't do."
    Contractions (unless part of a quote) have no place in an encylopaedia article.

Production

  • "Notable staff members working on the series alongside Faust are story editor Rob Renzetti, directors Jayson Thiessen and James Wootton, producer Sarah Wall and writers Amy Keating Rogers, Cindy Morrow, Meghan McCarthy, Chris Savino, Charlotte Fullerton, M. A. Larson and Dave Polsky."
    I find it pointless to list everyone (a few would have been okay). They are not really "notable"; they are not even mentioned again.
  • "... for example, the ponies' hair and tails are generally fixed shapes, animated by bending and stretching them in curves in three dimensions and giving them a sense of movement without the expensive cost of animated individual hairs."
    Quite clunky in my opinon: "for example, the ponies' hair and tails are generally drawn as fixed shapes and animated by bending and stretching the shapes. This saves the team from resorting to the more expensive process of animating individual strands of hair."

Characters

  • Almost entirely unsourced, subjective characteristics such as "dependable and hard-working", "brave and bold", "proud", etc. should have secondary sources that vouch for them.

Images

References

  • Capitalize the titles of the sources properly (Composition style).
  • What makes BoingBoing.net, Cartoon Brew, Raving Toy Maniac, reliable sources?
  • Mane6's hosting of a scan of Gameland is a copyright violation: please do not link to such materials (I have removed it).
    • Please respect copyrights. I have again removed several linkvios from this article. Jappalang (talk) 12:49, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

There is a fair amount of good content there, although the above (language issues, unsourced information, NFCC, unreliable sources, etc.) do need fixing. A copy-edit should spruce the fixed article enough to try for GA. Jappalang (talk) 03:10, 5 September 2011 (UTC) I just noticed this article had been assessed as GA. Frankly, I am a bit surprised that it was passed with these amount of issues, especially sources of questionable reliability and amount of linkvios (apparently the linkvios were introduced after passing GA). Jappalang (talk) 12:49, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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