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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Fawad Khan/archive2

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 13:14, 8 July 2018 [1].

Fawad Khan edit

Nominator(s): Amirk94391 (talk) 03:50, 1 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Fawad Khan is Pakistani TV and film actor who've also worked in Bollywood films. The article is thoroughly researched and well sourced. Since its last failure at FA, it has been peer reviewed twice and has also been copy edited by GOCE. I'm looking forward to your comments. Amirk94391 (talk) 03:50, 1 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

It does need some work, I agree with Serial. I will try to give it some copy-edits. FrB.TG (talk) 16:17, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]
After glancing at it briefly, I have to say that a lot of additional works needs to be done. A GOCE member did copyedit the article, but that was over eight months ago. I suggest that the editor withdraw this nomination, request another GOCE edit, and open a brand new peer review before renominating. Don't fret. There is no deadline and the article will eventually get there. Good luck! --Krimuk2.0 (talk) 18:49, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I've also briefly read the article (in response to a request on my talk page), and have the following comments:

  • I agree with the above comments regarding prose: the article's prose doesn't flow smoothly, with sentences being a bit choppy (for instance, there are quite a few paragraphs where each sentence presents a quite different fact, and others where the prose is laboured as facts are repeated).
  • The article would also benefit from a copy edit which trimmed out unnecessary material - for instance, lengthy quotes praising Khan, especially from people who have been in commercial relationships with him (directors, etc) where such material adds little to the article. It would also be good to be able to summarise the various reviews of his performance - as noted below, sources other than news articles could help to do this.
  • "Khan is one of the highest paid actors in the Pakistani film industry" - how much are we talking about?
  • The article appears to be entirely referenced to news stories. Are there books or academic articles (for instance, on the Pakistani and Indian entertainment industries) which could be drawn on? It would be good for this article to put its subject in context and to use higher quality sources. Nick-D (talk) 06:10, 7 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note edit

I realise this received a well-patronised Peer Review recently, but it does still seem to considered underprepared for FAC, particularly re. prose. I'll therefore be archiving it shortly to permit improvements to take place away from the spotlight of FAC. I'd echo Krimuk in recommending another copyedit; I believe the nominator would also be eligible for the FAC mentoring scheme if desired. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 09:37, 8 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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