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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Clement of Dunblane

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Clement of Dunblane edit

Self-nom. I have confidence that the article is factual, neutral and concise, and that it is of FA quality. I have been urged, despite the article's young age, to put it up for nomination by another wiki user. I have given it several productive proof-reads. If there are still any issues with it, I believe they are only minor and can be (perhaps only) resolved here fairly quickly; it is for this reason that I am moving the article past the peer review stage, and nominating for Featured Article. Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 08:27, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Object Improved; can you ensure that the page ranges end with at least two digits—some do, some don't (e.g., 116–9 shoud be 116–19). It's not usual to double up and "support" your own nomination.—Needs a copy-edit.
    • Opening sentence: "Clement was one of the first of the new Dominican Order to enter Scotland, and was the first member of the Dominican Order in the British Isles to become a bishop, being chosen by 1233 to become bishop of the ailing diocese of Dunblane." Rather long and complex, and needs splitting in two, perhaps with a semicolon; two instances of "become" and of "bishop"; "being chosen" is grammatically awkward in this construction.
    • "Clement managed to obtained some grants for the bishopric." What does "some" add?
    • This sentence is in the introductory paragraph; such details are in the main text which it summarizes. Do you think it's necessary to place this kind of detail here? Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 12:56, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • "He was present with the king during his campaign in Argyll in 1249 and was at the king's side when he died during this campaign." "His" campaign refers to the king's, right? So use "his side".
    • "In this period too Clement helped to"—I think commas on both sides of "too" are mandatory.
    • "The latter source, however, is often highly unreliable, and cannot be fully trusted.[2] Therefore, Clement's Scottish birth and entry into the Order in 1221 cannot be entirely relied upon." It's the account of his birth and entry that is unreliable, surely. It's all too hedged this way and that, and repetitive, right through that para. Your historian "wrote", not "writes", if we know about it.
    • "In the three or four years after his visit to the papacy, agreements were made with the various institutions who were drawing income from Clement's diocese; namely Coupar Angus Abbey, Lindores Abbey, Cambuskenneth Abbey, Arbroath Abbey, the nunnery of North Berwick and the Hospital of Brackley, Northamptonshire"—I think an em dash would be far better than a semicolon to precede this list.
      replaced with a dash for you. Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 12:56, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

As you predicted above, there are minor problems: the whole text is peppered with them. Please don't just treat the examples I've cited here—find someone different to sift through the article carefully. A couple of hours' work, at least. Tony 11:59, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your comments. I implemented the things you suggested. I've given it another copyedit too. Since my brain doesn't have any problems with most of the things you listed, I think I'll have to request that someone else copyedit it too. If you could give it a once over yourself, I'd be most grateful. Medieval bishops are not exactly the kind of topic most people are falling over themselves to read about. :) But I will put in a request with User:Angusmclellan. Regards, Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 12:56, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Although Angus may look over it again in the next 12 hours, the article has now been looked over by others and has had several more copyedits by myself, as you will see by this diff. I hope this has gone further to addressing the problems you raised. Regards, Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 22:22, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
can you ensure that the page ranges end with at least two digits
Did it. Thanks for your help. Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 02:09, 6 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support - a well sourced article, scrolously done. Just one note: the last paragraph of the second section needs to be sourced, so that it may not be accused of WP:OR.--Aldux 22:32, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. 'Tis now sourced. Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 22:44, 4 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support – An excellent, factual and balanced article, particularly well researched and sourced and crisply written.--Bill Reid | Talk 15:27, 6 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Object I dont like the idea of religious figures being supported though I am fine with articles on religions being supported. Also, check WP:LEAD, the lead paragraph is too long. FrummerThanThou 03:57, 7 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Take the objection of the above user with a grain of salt, as he/she tagged Clement of Dunblane with {{LEAD}} 20 seconds after he/she finished commenting on another FAC. Leads me to believe the user didn't even read the article at all. Gzkn 04:47, 7 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Don't worry, I'm not going to. The lead blatantly isn't too long, and if she doesn't support religious figures, there's nothing I can do about it. Calgacus (ΚΑΛΓΑΚΟΣ) 07:49, 7 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support I'll make the relevant changes where necessary, leave a message on my talk page! --SunStar Nettalk 16:22, 8 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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