Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Breathe (Kylie Minogue song)/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 08:40, 30 June 2015 [1].
Breathe (Kylie Minogue song) edit
- Nominator(s): GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 06:00, 19 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
This article is about the song "Breathe" by Australian recording artist Kylie Minogue. I have been working hard with all the Impossible Princess related articles (remixes, tours, singles, songs, etc.) and I aim to achieve GA and/or FA pass rates for all the articles. I have a lot of research conducted for the articles and I have submitted several articles for GA. However, some had to be removed as there were many reference problems, incorrect grammar, prose, (the list goes on and on). I have edited all the articles and I am trying to get Impossible Princess up to a FA status so I can then handle the songs, remixes and song articles. After a VERY constructive review for the GA, it had passed and I am going to submit this because I want this to be a featured article. I have conducted research, wrote several parts of this article and extended it to its maximum amount. I personally like the entire Impossible Princess era and I strive to get all the articles a pass rate for either GA or FA. Thank you. GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 06:00, 19 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Support Hope you can turn Impossible Princess into a Featured Topic. I have some questions:
- "Throughout the video, a giant glass orb is seen on the screen and is shone in a mysterious light." Is "shone" the right word here? Or do you mean "shown"?
- "Minogue sported a pink shirt and long skirt; she sang while being backed by her live band." I'm unsure of the significance of the pink shirt here, and is it necessary to emphasis that her band was alive, as the alternative seems somewhat grisly?
- "The song was featured on the second segment for the tour for which Minogue wore a black, long-collared shirt and three-quarter pants, similar to the costume off 'Did It Again'." Do you mean "off" or "of" here?
Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 20 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from Calvin999
Some basics which need correcting first of all:
- The Background section isn't really background on the this song.
- Genres in the info box should be alphabetical (so Dance-pop first). However, Dance-pop is not sourced or mentioned anywhere else in the article, so if you can't source it, then it should be removed.
- As the writers and producers are the same, for the Producers in the info box just write their surnames, as it's a bit repetitive otherwise.
- I'd say three small paragraphs looks too drawn out for any article of this size, it would look better as two paragraphs.
- Digital Spy says it is an Electronica song, so the use of "inspired" can be removed.
- I'd split the Formats and track listings into two columns
- It's Official Charts Company, not The Official Charts Company
- Publisher parameters are no longer required. Just the work parameter.
- Ref 13: Digital Spy should not be italics
- Ref 24: Overlinking of Official Charts Company
- Ref 29: Should be ''[[Billboard (magazine)|Billboard]]'', not Billboard Magazine
- Ref 32: YouTube should not be italics
- Same for 37, and 48.
— Calvin999 09:46, 10 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Calvin999: Done. All corrections have been completed. GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 06:07, 12 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- However, some critics dismissed the composition. - "dismissed" is not the word for here - a critic would "dismiss as (insert negative adjective)" or criticise/be unimpressed by/etc.
- "Breathe" is about withholding emotions - errr, bit short...what's the source...maybe we an word it more engagingly...
- "Breathe" is an electronica song that was noted for its sonic comparison with album track, "Say Hey" - does that just mean the two songs sound alike? If so why not just say so plainly...
- This also marks Minogue's first song along with "Too Far" that she had co-produced - so then it's the second song?
- The last para of Background and composition belongs in Critical reception.
- The beginning of the Live performances section sees the word "performed" four times - we can trim a little - I don't think we need to know that Roy and HG and Ronnie Corbett were on the Ben Elton show - take them out and we can slide the first two sentences together easily.
Closing comment -- open six weeks and we still seem quite some way from sufficient support for promotion, so I will archive this now and invite you to renominate after resolving outstanding comments (and the usual two-week break). Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:39, 30 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 08:40, 30 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.