User talk:Cdfuller410/sandbox

Hi Christian, overall your article is clear, concise and balanced. Your second paragraph is especially good. However, in the first paragraph I found myself losing the flow of the message somewhat. This could simply be to do with placement (where you intend to add on the established page) but as things stand the article becomes slightly confusing. I would suggest looking for a reorganisation of information such a his height and literacy, so that they work together and flow more coherently. Your sources all look fine and, other than my previous comments, it seems great

Christian,

I agree with Guy on the topic of the First Paragraph. Looking at the main page for the topic, it seems like you are using a large amount of words to give a background which is already created. While i noticed that, I did feel as if your piece had more information, but as Guy said, could use a little different organization. The second paragraph had a lot of information that seemed to be in line with what the project was intended for. I was a little worried about the length of the new material but because it is relevant and well written I think that it is enough.

Dfaustin23 (talk) 23:09, 1 May 2016 (UTC)