Talk:Wheels of Aurelia/GA3

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 12:07, 3 July 2018 (UTC)

Failed twice. Hopefully it has been improved since then. Cognissonance (talk) 12:07, 3 July 2018 (UTC)

Thank you Cognissonance for taking the time to review the article. I appreciate it. Let me know what I can do to make the article better. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:31, 3 July 2018 (UTC)

Lead

• that was developed and published by Santa Ragione, and was released worldwide "that was" and "and was" are unnecessary.
• released worldwide on 20 September 2016 for Linux, Macintosh and Microsoft Windows, and later released on 4 October 2016 for PlayStation 4, Xbox One and a mobile version on 19 October 2017 for iOS. The game was also released on 2 November 2017 for the Nintendo Switch. For the sake of a better overview, I suggest to copy edit this: "released worldwide on 20 September 2016 for Linux, Macintosh and Microsoft Windows, on 4 October 2016 for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One, on 19 October 2017 for iOS, and on 2 November 2017 for the Nintendo Switch."
• in Italy in 1978 Simplify: "in 1978 Italy".
• Remove the hyphen from "player-character", per original article. I also recommend copy editing the sentence: "the player character Lella, a woman who drives along the Italian motorway"...
• While the game is fairly short This reads like WP:POV. I suggest: "Despite the game's brevity"...
• To avoid repetition, the following use of "The game" should be replaced with "It".
• Why is 1986 italicised? Also, having already written "the 1986 arcade game Out Run", "the cult film Il Sorpasso" should lose the "the".

Plot / Gameplay

• The player controls Lella, a feminist woman driving a sports car should be moved down to the gameplay, while the gameplay's Wheels of Aurelia follows a female couple in a 1978 road trip across Italy belongs in the plot, after which you can properly introduce Lella.
• who stops in a nightclub to "find someone to take her away", looking for a date to help her leave the country "looking for a date to help her leave the country" is the same thing as "to "find someone to take her away"".
• the highly political and dangerous Remove for breach of WP:POV.
• She finds Olga, who later accompanies her for the journey to France Copy edit: "She is accompanied by Olga as they journey to France".
• "re-convene" shouldn't be hyphenated.
• The players' actions and their interactions with non-player characters in the form of hitchhikers, one of many different endings may be incurred After copy editing the sentence, move it down to Gameplay where it belongs: "The player's actions and interactions with non-player characters (hitchhikers) may lead to many different endings". Work it into the sentence "The game features 16 different endings".
• When the characters reach new locations, a cutscene with the characters placed over a postcard of the area will play. I fail to see why this is useful, much less in a plot section.
• The rest of the paragraph should be in Gameplay.
• Ref. 11 (Wordpress) is unreliable.
• Unusually for a traditionally story-based visual novel, the player is expected to drive the sports car in game WP:POV
• Remove hyphen from "player-character".
• The game sees the player-character called Lella and a partner called Olga, who both want to leave Italy for initially unknown reasons Incoherent and repeats information already mentioned in the plot.

Development

• The section should be retitled to "Development and release".
• Ref. 18 (Inverse') strikes me as unreliable.
• Kipnis was responsible for the game's dialogue design, a role she worked on with Double Fine Productions This information can be worked into the previous one: "with help from Double Fine Productions' Anna Kipnis, who was responsible for designing the dialogue".
• Wheels of Aurelia was developed with a "unique" system in place, with each line of dialogue tied treated as a separate topic, setting certain interactions to affect later events Issue mentioned in previous review, but unaddressed.
• The first paragraph repeats "Wheels of Aurelia was" twice.
• Link "beta" to Beta release.
• Refs. 20 and 21 (Boing Boing) are questionable.

Overall

Early on in the review, I came to understand why the article hasn't been promoted to Good Article in the past and, halfway, I knew I couldn't finish it. It has fundamental problems with unreadable prose, illogical info placement, and unreliable sources. Plot is half-written like it's a Gameplay section; Gameplay almost looks like a plot section. In my opinion, it can only be saved by rewriting it from scratch with reliable sources listed on WP:VG/RS and a heavy copy editing from the Guild. For now, it fails to meet the Good Article criteria. Cognissonance (talk) 16:26, 3 July 2018 (UTC)