Talk:Rhea Seddon/GA1
Latest comment: 2 years ago by Hawkeye7 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
Hello! I'll be reviewing this article to help reduce the good article nomination backlog and to gain points in the WP:WIKICUP. Although quid pro quo is not required, if you fancy returning the favor, I have a list of articles in need of review here. — GhostRiver 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
Infobox and lede edit
Early life and education edit
- "née Dann" should be in parentheses
- Unless her younger sister is dead, I don't think that should be in the past tense; if there's a year of birth, then could be phrased as "Her younger sister Louise was born TKTK"
- "Science was not taught by the nuns at St Rose until the Sputnik crisis made teaching science a national priority" → "The nuns at St Rose did not teach science until the Sputnik crisis made scientific education a national priority."
- "and science became one of Seddon's subjects in the seventh grade" → "and Seddon began studying the subject in the seventh grade."
- No comma needed after "Seddon worked in her office one summer"
Deleted.
- "Another friend of the family, Florence Ridley, a professor" → "Florence Ridley, another fiend of the family and a professor"
- "where she joined the Sigma Kappa sorority"
- "summer after her freshman year"
- "and decided" → "where she decided"
- "bachelor of arts" → "Bachelor of Arts"
- "entered it" → "matriculated"
- "doctor of medicine" → "Doctor of Medicine"
- "surgery doctor" or "surgeon"?
- "three years of residency"
- "where she was the only woman"
- How did she serve in the ER if this wasn't allowed by the residency?
NASA edit
- I don't love this section just being called "NASA", can it be expanded to "NASA career"?
- Changed as suggested.
Selection edit
- "(NASA)
NASA" - "For the first time, women were encouraged to apply." → "It was the first time that women were encouraged to apply."
- It would make more sense for the inches to be rendered in centimeters than millimeters
- And to the point, something like "she was two inches above the 60-inch minimum" flows better and is easier to understand
- No comma after "She flew down to Houston International Airport"
- "in nutrition in surgery patients" → "in the nutrition of surgery patients"
- "had been selected by NASA."
Training edit
- "until they finished their training and evaluation"
- No comma after "trouble climbing into the aircraft"
- I think "and with ill-fitting parachutes" → "and with wearing parachutes"; we already know the fit will be poor because her size has been mentioned
- No comma after "but Seddon was never considered for this"
- First sentence of the second paragraph (about the town house) is very long and could probably be split in two
- Comma after "As with earlier astronaut groups"
- "to specialise in" → "in which they specialised"
the he first
?- The long parenthetical in the third paragraph might be better served as a footnote
- "got to choose" → "was allowed to choose"
- Commas instead of parentheses around "who retained her maiden name"
- Split sentence after "preparation for the upcoming STS-2 mission"
- "Seddon soon fell pregnant, and their first child, a boy they named Paul Seddon Gibson after Gibson's father, was born in July 1982." → "Seddon's first child was born in July 1982. He was named Paul Seddon Gibson after his paternal grandfather."
(Gibson already had one child, a daughter called Julie, from his first marriage.)
Triviafor treatment. He soon responded to treatment
Repetitive phrasing
Space flights edit
- No comma after
the crew were kept together
to operate a bone saw to help
fix repetitive preposition- Second O in Oval Office should be capitalized per our article on it
- Saying
the family was represented by Gibson
feels very patriarchal. - The anecdote about Mike Smith's flight suit reads as trivia.
- "While she waited for her Spacelab Life Sciences mission to be scheduled"
- "another child, and that the SLS-1 mission" is technically grammatically correct if you're saying "she was hoping that the SLS-1 mission", but that doesn't feel like what you're trying to say
It was regarded as a plum job, and a good way to see how the directorate was managed.
MOS:WEASEL- Still don't like the parentheses
- Missing comma in "June 5, 1991"
All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
Later life edit
- Fine
Awards and honors edit
- Fine
References edit
- Fine
General comments edit
@GhostRiver: Any progress on this? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 18:38, 1 April 2022 (UTC) @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:10, 3 April 2022 (UTC)
- Hawkeye7 I have been in a depressive episode caused by my bipolar disorder. I have left more comments. — GhostRiver 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)
- Glad you are feeling better. I saw that you were active, and thought that you had forgotten this review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:18, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: I think all issues have been addressed now. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 3 May 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
- @GhostRiver: I think all issues have been addressed now. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
- Glad you are feeling better. I saw that you were active, and thought that you had forgotten this review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:18, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.