Talk:Pitfalls/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lordtobi (talk · contribs) 10:08, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

Immediate failures

• It is a long way from meeting any one of the six good article criteria Y
• It contains copyright violations Y (Earwig's says copyvio has a probability of 58.8% because Google Play is using the lede from your article. )
• It has, or needs, cleanup banners that are unquestionably still valid Y
• It is not stable due to edit warring on the page Y

Prose notes

Lead

• They recruited a cellist, violinist, and classical choir for the production. – Does 'they' in this case refer to the group or the recording studio?
• Most of the songs were written and composed by vocalist Einar Solberg. – Given the preceding sentence, it is not immediately clear that this is the group's vocalist, not any vocalist they hired.
• Pitfalls charted higher than Malina (2017) – Consider mentioning that Malina was the previous album by Leprous.

Production

• ... at Ghostward Studios in Stockholm, Sweden with ... – Add a trailing comma after 'Sweden'.
• Thirteen were ultimately made, but only nine could be completed due to time constraints. – I suppose this should say "Thirteen songs". I would also clarify how far 'made' goes here, i.e. they began recording but could not do all recordings in time.

• I like to avoid repetition. Both "recorded" and "songs" appear closely behind this sentence. "made" was the best word to describe the information without repetition. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Indeed, repetition should be avoided, but keep WP:ELEVAR in mind. "Thirteen" here could refer to any noun in the prior sentence; out of the given context, I initially assumed the "halves of the songs" were the ones they made. As for the word "made", I commonly associate it with completion. "planned" might be a suitable alternative. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• He saw Pitfalls as the largest production and musical departure yet ... – Clarify here that it was the largest production for Leprous, not overall.
• "I Lose Hope" was frowned upon in its infancy, but reached new potential in studio ... – This should probably say "in the studio".

• "in studio" rings correct, like "in hospital". Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Interesting. Grammarly marks this as incorrect and I cannot seem to find any online resources on the matter (even the source you cite uses both versions). But alas, this is not a GAN obstacle. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• ... at which point drummer Baard Kolstad and Børven applied – Consider swapping the names for a better flow.
• A classical choir in Belgrade, Serbia was booked} – A trailing comma here also.

Promotion

• ... as a limited mediabook CD with two bonus tracks, jewelcase CD, 2LP vinyl record ... – I would clarify both "CD" and "2LP" here.

• Not sure how to clarify 2LP. LP really just means vinyl record, so there's two of them, contrary to 1LP. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• A link to LP record might be handy. LPs are vinyls of a specific size and tend to differ from EPs and singles. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Inside Out, accompanied by a source, should also be mentioned here.

• Mentioned Inside Out, but no need to add source. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Well, in this case there already were sources for this . Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

Reception

• In the reviews table, I would use the more accurate "8.7" score from Blezt, rather than the star-ratings system.
• Prog, PopMatters, Sputnikmusic, Ultimate Guitar, and drummer Mike Portnoy included ... – If Portnoy is mentioned to be a drummer, the other four entities should be classified as magazines to avoid ambiguity.
• "Observe the Train" was viewed as a calming interval ... – Make sure that the reader is still aware that this is Araneda's opinion.

Track listing

• The commented-out refs (which assume are used to verify the track lengths) are probably not a good choice here. Considering adding them to the respective total lengths.
• The table for the bonus tracks shows the total length of the entire album rather than only the sum of the two songs. Is this intentional/common practice?

• I wondered that myself, but found that a featured article had done it that way. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• If it works there, it'll also work here. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

Personnel

• Ogendal is not mentioned before this point. I would add an in-line source for them as was done for other not-previously-noted entries. The commented-out ref is thereby redundant.

Charts

• Same note as in the lead; mention briefly that Malina was their previous album to establish context.
• Swap the two sources at the end of the sentence to obtain numerical order.

Notes/references

• For accessibility, I would add |trans-title= params for non-English sources.

• Used Google Translate. Adjust if you see something wrong with the German translations. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Google Translate is fine since we're only dealing with accessibility. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• For sources hosted on YouTube, I would mention YouTube as the website.

GA criteria

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Comments

• @Cognissonance: Incoming, my first GA review, so I hope I covered everything. Overall, the article is well-written and comprehensive, pretty much meeting all GA standards. I pointed out a few minor issues above. Once fixed, I'll be happy to promote the article to GA status. Regards, Lordtobi (✉) 10:08, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• @Lordtobi: I did almost everything and left some notes above. Cognissonance (talk) 17:12, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks, I left additional replies in-line. Lordtobi (✉) 18:43, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• @Lordtobi: Finished with the rest. Really appreciate the review, which was perfectly done. You can ask for my help anytime. Cognissonance (talk) 19:03, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

• In that case, I think we're done here. Cheers! Lordtobi (✉) 19:10, 11 January 2020 (UTC)