Talk:OneShot

Requested move 21 June 2019

The following is a closed discussion of a requested move. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on the talk page. Editors desiring to contest the closing decision should consider a move review after discussing it on the closer's talk page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

The result of the move request was: consensus to move. (non-admin closure) KSFT ^(t|c) 00:05, 23 July 2019 (UTC)

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OneShot (video game) → OneShot – Per WP:SMALLDETAILS. There is no other media called "OneShot" (without the space or dash in between). A hatnote can be used if there remains confusion. _{ZXCVBNM (TALK)} 11:13, 21 June 2019 (UTC) --Relisting. bd2412 T 22:12, 7 July 2019 (UTC) --Relisting. Steel1943 (talk) 05:20, 15 July 2019 (UTC)

• Oppose - looking at the dab page it is clear that the various forms of writing "One shot" require disambiguation. --Gonnym (talk) 14:17, 21 June 2019 (UTC)
• Oppose - WP:SMALLDETAILS says that when renaming to a less ambiguous page name can be done without wandering from WP:CRITERIA, such renaming should be considered. When this article was created, I explicity chose to do so, as OneShot isn't really notable enough to have an undisambiguated title without viewer misdirection.
  Support - Based on WP:SMALLDETAILS, disambiguation is not necessary; no other article title possesses OneShot as one word. - Axisixa T C 02:47, 23 June 2019 (UTC)
• Oppose per WP:SMALLDETAILS. Too many other One Shot. In ictu oculi (talk) 08:13, 22 June 2019 (UTC)
• Support per WP:SMALLDETAILS. No other article has "OneShot" spelling and no disambiguation is needed. A hatnote can direct to One shot (disambiguation). I admit I am confused by the opposite interpretation of SMALLDETAILS. Even the examples given there are exactly for a case like this where a spelling variation disambiguates the topic. —  HELLKNOWZ   ▎TALK 10:21, 22 June 2019 (UTC)

You are correct in that WP:SMALLDETAILS would usually mean that, but as I stated above, it does make an exception for when renaming to a less ambiguous page name can be done without wandering from WP:CRITERIA. Although the example for this case is far less disambiguous than OneShot (which does indeed bear more similarity to the examples you mentioned), such an requirement is not included in the text of the rule. - Axisixa T C 11:15, 22 June 2019 (UTC)

I'm not sure I understand how "renaming to less ambiguous page name [..] without wandering from CRITERIA" applies here. "OneShot" does not have other names. Say, the game was also commonly known as "OneShotOneKill", but it wasn't the primary name. In this case, one could argue "OneShotOneKill" disambiguates much better than "OneShot" because of the other topics sharing the shorter name, but still following WP:CRITERIA and being an alternative name. So we could apply this SMALLDETAILS exception then. But that's a hypothetical scenario that doesn't apply to most cases, because most subjects have just one name, like this game. Adding "(video game)" isn't an alternative title to be considered by WP:CRITERIA. It's a disambiguation, and SMALLDETAILS applies before such disambiguation. If one adds "(video game)", then of course SMALLDETAILS no longer applies. But that's because disambiguation was applied before considering if the original name was sufficient, which is exactly what SMALLDETAILS says it (could) be. —  HELLKNOWZ   ▎TALK 11:55, 22 June 2019 (UTC)

I get what you mean; although the clause that I referenced in WP:SMALLDETAILS doesn't explicitly exclude the disambiguation that the rest of the rule deals with, it makes far more logical sense in terms of the rule's intentions. I've changed my vote to a Support. - Axisixa T C 02:47, 23 June 2019 (UTC)

• Support per WP:OVERPRECISION and WP:CONCISE. There is no other article titled "OneShot" so a qualifier is unnecessary. Station1 (talk) 06:24, 6 July 2019 (UTC)
• Support per SMALLDETAILS and the other supporters above. Calidum 04:21, 11 July 2019 (UTC)
• Support per Calidum this is the only use of precisely "OneShot". Crouch, Swale (talk) 17:45, 17 July 2019 (UTC)

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The above discussion is preserved as an archive of a requested move. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on this talk page or in a move review. No further edits should be made to this section.

More about the Freeware Version

This page seems to only talk about the Steam version. I think it should clarify what also aplies to the steam version and what doesn't when it comes to the plot and stuff. — Preceding unsigned comment added by MLisDreaming (talk • contribs) 19:33, 26 September 2019 (UTC)

Possible GAN?

@Mir Novov: pinging you since you created the article & did notable expansions. After reading the article it seems that it could go for GAN or is at least very close. What do you think? Since I'm also a fan of the game, it would be nice to see it reach that status. Might open a PR to see what can be improved. Skyshifter ^talk 00:20, 3 July 2023 (UTC)

Unfortunately i'm not able to be hugely active for the time being so I won't be able to participate much, but this seems like a good idea and I was aiming to eventually bring it to that level. Only issue is that IIRC a few of the sources could be more reliable and it might be difficult to find good ones to replace them (when I first wrote the article the game was barely notable, though it's increased in prominence since then). ― novov t c 02:23, 3 July 2023 (UTC)

Multiple non-free images

@Skyshifter: since you mentioned it in the edit summary, from my understanding multiple non-free images in a VG article is fine provided there is sufficient justification to do so. There are plenty of VG articles that do that, cf. Portal 2 (which was approved as GA with multiple images). However, the specifics on what is allowable depends on the nature of the images and the prose surrounding it; the relevant policies are WP:NFCC and MOS:VG#Screenshots and cover art.

• All images must meet all 10 WP:NFCC criteria.
• According to MOS:VG, one image is implicitly notable for the Gameplay section, and additional images must be justified by sources (in prose or directly in the image caption, but that ofc should still relate to the prose around it either way). Currently, I wouldn't say the image in the Plot section meets that, unfortunately. Even if you added some sources, I'd recommend replacing it another one that better shows off the game's atmosphere, as I originally made it to show off the gameplay and IMO it's not really that good at doing anything else.

― novov (t c) 06:50, 10 September 2023 (UTC)

@Mir Novov:, alright. I think the current one could work for showing the game's "dark atmosphere", but maybe it should be outside the ram puzzle indeed. I'll try to look for a screenshot that better show the game's atmosphere. Skyshifter ^talk 13:44, 10 September 2023 (UTC)

Minor Plot Edit

In the plot section, the second sentence is as follows: "They interact with a computer, which addresses the player by a name derived from the computer's login name via an external dialog box." This sentence is a bit confusing - the term "computer" here is used to refer to both:

- An in-game computer - The real-world computer that belongs to the player of the game (which the login name is derived from)

This is a very important part of the game's plot, as it's where the metafictional elements of the game first make themselves apparent; I think it would be good to rewrite this to make it less confusing. That said, I've tried a few rewrites, but I find that they're all pretty awkward. Would anyone else be willing to give this a shot? (At least one shot, perhaps? I'm sorry.)

Also, please feel free to say if you think a change is not necessary.

SpaceCowboy444 (talk) 20:42, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

Yeah it's not exactly the easiest thing to write within the constraints of Wikipedia's style of plot summary. I've given it a go but it's still far from optimal IMO. ― novov (t c) 21:32, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

Definitely a lot better - I added a few more words to clarify that the login name comes from the player's computer. Would it be good to add something making it clear that the player is not prompted to enter this information in Oneshot? Some might think the player was prompted to give a username, and that the computer just repeats that username. SpaceCowboy444 (talk) 21:44, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

"login name" makes it pretty clear that's not the case IMO. ― novov (t c) 21:56, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

That's fair, I can agree on that. SpaceCowboy444 (talk) 22:22, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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This review is transcluded from Talk:OneShot/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: TrademarkedTarantula (talk · contribs) 00:56, 12 October 2023 (UTC)

This will be my first GA review, so I'm going to ask a Good Article mentor to help me. Apologies in advance if I do mess up anything. Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 00:56, 12 October 2023 (UTC)

@TrademarkedTarantula: thank you for reviewing this article. Is it okay if I already respond to some points or should I wait for you to finish the review? Skyshiftertalk 17:11, 14 October 2023 (UTC)

Well, I'm going to celebrate my birthday, so I'll try to finish this up as fast as I can. Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 03:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC)

Happy birthday! Skyshiftertalk 04:13, 15 October 2023 (UTC)

TYSM! You can't really see me behind the screen, but I'm currently smiling. Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 04:38, 15 October 2023 (UTC)

@Skyshifter: I'm almost finished with the review, and I've made some considerable progress. Feel free to respond to some of the points I've made. Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 18:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC)

 Done Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 04:20, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Overall grammar prior to GA review was clear and concise and did not contain any typos. Technical terms (e.g. "Nintendo Switch dock") have been clarified.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Lead section looks sufficient after GA review's feedback. Layout is correct per MOS:LAYOUT. There were not any words that were on the "words to watch" list. Plot section is not in an in-universe perspective. Article does not include any lists.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	Article contains reference section and is in the correct place.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Per WP:VG/S, all of the citations come from reliable sources. Self-published media including YouTube videos and blog posts are only used to verify facts only the developers know (e.g. the fact that Niko's gender is intentionally ambiguous or that OneShot was not influenced by Undertale).
	2c. it contains no original research.	Article does not contain original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	A concerning amount of direct quotes are used in the reception section. There is not any plagiarism in the article; the highest similarity is from a review. Copyvio report can be found here. Once the reception section is taken care of, I will pass GA criterion 2D. Update: After a period of time, the nominator has paraphrased many of the direct quotes. The highest-ranked violation is at a miniscule 3.8%. Therefore, all the copyright violations are taken care of.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	The article writes about the game's story, development, gameplay, and reception—material that is adequate for a video game article.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	Plot does not contain fancruft. Article does not go off-topic.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	Article is neutral and does not try to promote the game positively. In other words, the reception section describes praises and criticisms without adding in the editor's own opinion.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	No recent edit wars have happened, according to the article's history.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	All three images have valid fair use rationales.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Captions are suitable, and images provide context for the reader.
	7. Overall assessment.	The cat goes meow. Amazing game and article, glad I could review it.

Important issues / additional comments

• Didn't Niko appear as an assist fighter in the crossover platform fighter Fraymakers? I'm not sure if there are any reliable sources mentioning this.
  • I haven't found any secondary sources for this, unfortunately. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The reception section contains too many direct quotes. Many of the material can be paraphrased. Also, the surnames give us enough information; you don't have to mention the news organization they're writing for.
  • Will do some paraphrasing. Regarding the surnames, I personally like to follow what another GA did, Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise. I think it's important to mention both. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• A lot of the references have the "reference can only be previewed in source mode" error.
  • I believe this is because some sources are inside the {{reflist}}. I think it should be fine. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• One question: There's a source in Portuguese in the development section. Do you know the language? If not, how did you ask someone to translate for them? I want to add material to one of the articles I've written, but the review is in Italian.
  • Yes, I am Brazilian, so Portuguese is my native language. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• What makes Heavy magazine reliable?
  • It should be fine for use as an interview, since I'm using just Nightmargin's own words (per WP:SELFSOURCE/WP:PRIMARY, I believe). Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• It's unclear whether the Destructoid article is staff written.
  • It seems that Brett Makedonski was part of the staff according to this. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Lead section

• Size is pretty good, but I think it needs a one-sentence summary of the game's development.
  • I'm bad at leads, but added something. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• You should link indie studio to indie game, as the link provides more context.
  • Linked to "indie". Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Based on a 2014 free version -> Based on a free version made in 2014 (personally, I feel as though this sounds better)
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Officially described as a game where "the world knows you exist" - Cite the quote (you can reuse the citation).
  • Added. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Many puzzles involve interacting with the operating system outside of the game application. -> Many puzzles involve interacting with the computer's operating system outside of the game. - Again, sounds better to me.
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The latter arrives in an unfamiliar world which has been deprived of its sunlight, and eventually aims to restore it by replacing its sun, a lightbulb, at the top of a tower. - Remove "which has been"
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• OneShot received generally positive reviews from critics. - Might want to expand this a bit more. Try something like "Most of OneShot received praise, with some criticizing its soundtrack." I felt that your previous change deleted too much important material. Plus, the article is quite long.
  • Added a line. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Golden Joystick Award should be cited (again, reuse citation)
  • Added. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Gameplay

• ...referred to by the user account they are signed into. -> "referred to by the user account they have signed in with."
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...Niko can rest using beds -> "Niko can sleep"
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The term windowed mode may be confusing to some readers.
  • Linked to Window (computing) and added a "instead of fullscreen".
• The version for consoles, titled OneShot: World Machine Edition, uses a simulated operating system to allow players to interact with the game like they would with a computer. -> replace "to allow" with "that allows"
  • Changed. Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Plot

• Nice job on keeping the main plot section short. You've managed to trim it down to 540 words.
  • Thanks :3 Skyshifter ^talk 01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...which addresses the player using the current login name, taken from the player's computer. - remove comma between "name" and "taken"
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...the world that Niko currently resides in is near ruin - would "collapsing" work better than "near ruin"?
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• They discover the world's sun - "They" is ambiguous (you have previously wrote that Niko has no specified gender).
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Speaking of specified gender, you should link the word "ambiguous" to third gender in the footnote.
  • I don't see how that's related. Unknown gender is different than third gender. Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...to carry the sun through its three areas - I feel "its" is ambiguous.
  • I think it's fine. "[...] prophesied to save the world. Niko's goal is to carry the sun through its [the world's] three areas [...]" Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...and place it at the apex of a central tower - shouldn't "at" be "on"?
  • Not sure, but changed. Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The next sentence is followed by Niko's current area. You don't really need the semicolon, so you could write "...restoring daylight. They are currently in the 'Barrens'".
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Link amber.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Link lamplighter.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• "Arriving at a library, they are directed to the librarian George" - I feel "the librarian" is redundant here. The place already implies that George is a librarian, but it's up to you if you want to remove this.
  • Yeah, I think it's good to confirm that George is a librarian. Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• After some study, George translates a book of Niko<nowiki>'<nowiki>s - "After some study" -> "After examining" (sounds better)
  • IIRC, the game explicitly mentions study. Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• "Niko has two such items on hand" - what two items? were these explained before?
  • The other two items are the piece of amber and the glowing feather, but they weren't mentioned as being phosphoric. Will mention them in the sentence. Skyshifter ^talk 15:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The player finds a mysterious note - remove "mysterious" and rephrase text around it to "The player finds a note as their new desktop wallpaper, telling them how to reconnect with Niko. By following the instructions, the player reappears."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• "termed" is a weird word to use, try replacing it with "named"
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• I feel as though "destructive" implies "grown out of control" (remove the latter phrase)
  • Disagree, I don't think one automatically means the other. Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...or place the sun at the top of the tower - Replace "at" with "on".
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• If the player chooses to place the sun on the top of the tower... - You already mentioned the choice in the previous sentence, so you should remove "on the top of the tower".
  • Removed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...the world is depicted as now being much brighter as a number of characters look up at their new sun in the credits - I don't really see how the characters looking up at the sun is important here (you can remove this). Also, rephrase to "the world becomes brighter, and in the credits, the characters are in awe".
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• If the player chooses to destroy the sun, Niko states that they hear their mother's voice from outside the game's window... - "from" is redundant
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• The world is also depicted as having gone monochrome with purple outlines and black backgrounds. - Seeing as though this is uncited and a minor detail, you can remove this.
  • Removed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

"Solstice" path

• After the completion of the game... - rephrase to "After completing the game"
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Initially, it is identical to the main game, aside from Niko possessing the Author's journal from the Barrens early. -> "The story is identical to the main game until Niko possesses the Author's journal from the Barrens."
  • Niko starts the game with the journal right away. Also, the story is identical for a while even with Niko already possessing the journal. I've changed "early" to "since the beginning" to emphasize this. Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...they enter the internals of the World Machine, "taming" it and reversing its destructive behavior - Scarequoting "taming" feels wrong. Replace phrase with "they enter the World Machine's inner system, where they deactivate and reverse its destructive behavior."
  • Taming is a word specifically used by the game; it refers to a specific concept. Changed "the inner system" Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Niko places the sun at the Tower and restores the world, reverting the death of characters, and Niko returns home. - This sentence contains a few errors. One: The word "Tower" was not capitalized before. Two: "at" -> "on". Three: Wait, what? The characters died earlier in the story? (I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I may forget things here and there.) Four: "reverting the death of characters" -> "resurrecting several characters".
  • One: changed. Two: changed. Three: Yes, a few deaths happened, but they're too specific to mention (Silver's death mentioned in passing). I think the reversal of deaths is still relevant to cite though. Four: "resurrecting several characters" seems a bit strange to me, I changed to "resurrecting the characters that had died" (which I have no idea if it's good either...) Skyshifter ^talk 22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Development and release

• but did not receive any accolades. - Add "the game" or "it" between "but" and "did" since this is a compound sentence.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• In addition to Valesquez and Gu, the 2016 version was also developed by Michael Shirt. -> "Developer Michael Shirt worked alongside Valesquez and Gu to produce the 2016 version of OneShot."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Link indie studio.
  • Linked to indie Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Considering that you reference the credits section of OneShot for Mark Conforti, I don't really see how he's significant to the development section. You list him as a producer in the infobox, but you fail to list his contributions.
  • Yeah, I couldn't find anything about him (other than primary sources), he's just mentioned in the credits. However, since he indeed was the producer and is mentioned in the infobox, I think it deserves a mention in the text. Unless I also remove him from the infobox too... Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...all encompassing "dark but vibrant" theme to reflect... - Move current citation #17 to the direct quote.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• It's good that you've added a link to Metal Gear Solid character Psycho Mantis, but they will not understand what that character has to do with breaking the fourth wall. I'd suggest adding a brief explanation, something like this: "...Psycho Mantis from Metal Gear Solid, a character known to have telepathic powers by reading the player's memory card."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...cited Irisu Syndrome, Imscared and Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem... - comma needed between "Imscared" and "Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem"; you used the serial comma before, so you should stay consistent.
  • I think you did it for me (thanks) Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Do the three games (Irisu Syndrome, Imscared, and Eternal Darkness) influence the indie contest version or the 2016 version? (I know it's the 2016 version, but I just want clarification)
  • I mean, the developers say "initial influences" (influências iniciais), so probably the 2014 version. But I don't think it's important to differentiate. The 2014 and 2016 versions have the same concept, and of course, the 2014 version influenced the 2016 version heavily. The only different thing would be the Undertale "anti-influence" cited later in the text. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• around 2011 - If it's around 2011, it has to be in 2011 ("around" -> "in").
  • Not really; the source was published in January 2018 and the developers say that the idea originated "around seven years ago" (há mais ou menos 7 anos). It's not an exact date, just an approximation. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Cite the PC Gamer (current citation #1) along with the YouTube video that mentioned that OneShot is not at all influenced by Undertale.
  • The PC Gamer citation only confirms that "the first version of OneShot existed long before that quirky RPG took over the world", not the influence. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Specify "format": are you talking about the game's genre or how the story is presented?
  • The video mentions it's the story; clarified. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Not sure why you made Game Developers Conference into an acronym; you only used the name once.
  • Removed acronym Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...that solved some mysteries - "Some" is redundant
  • Removed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Current citation #19 cites back to the same YouTube video. Do the developers say anything at that timestamp to help verify that the Solstice path was based on old sequel ideas for the game?
  • I think the video does mention it somewhere but not at that timestamp. Will just remove. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Link Mac.
  • Changed (did macOS) Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Link Linux.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Itch.io is capitalized.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Spell out "5th" -> "fifth".
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• I'd recommend reusing the sources for release dates in the infobox.
  • Not sure if it's necessary as it's cited in the text. Skyshifter ^talk 22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Reception

• I've spotted a lethal amount of direct quotes and the word "said". I'll try to help you paraphrase material so you can pass criterion 2D.
  • Thanks :3 Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• You don't have to put the publication where they're from after the surname (e.g. Borja Ruete of MeriStation, then Ruete (MeriStation)). Surnames are enough.
  • Responded above (Regarding the surnames, I personally like to follow what another GA did, Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise. I think it's important to mention both.) Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Not sure why the last sentence of the first paragraph is necessary; it only praises the game's concept. I feel as though the first paragraph should only consist of Metacritic and OpenCritic scores.
  • Sure. I'll move "immersive in a totally unique way" to the gameplay paragraph, since that's related to the metafictional elements. Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Story

• The story received praise -> "The story and characters were praised." - It's important to have the first sentence of each paragraph in the reception section to clearly state what part of the game was criticized or praised.
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Do you think you could find a link to the GamesMaster magazine?
  • No legal links, unfortunately. Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Who's Nafria? You define the publication they're from first, but you mention their full name in another paragraph.
  • Oops Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Same thing for Teikala. Also, define "alien feel".
  • Fixed + added quotes. Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Art direction

• Rutledge (Hardcore Gamer) commended the art... -> "Rutledge commended the art, stating that OneShot's soundtrack and world design fit together."
  • That would be just a repetition of the soundtrack paragraph though (stated that the game's soundtrack perfectly matched its mood, with each area having an appropriate theme).
• Remove comma between "that" and "although".
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Gameplay

• The gameplay was positively received. -> "The gameplay was positively received for its metafictional elements."
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Remove Regarding its metafictional elements.
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• noted that should only be used for observations or facts noticed by critics. The term is being used to what a critic thinks.
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Soundtrack

• See direct quotes section. It is dangerously long.
  • Yep. Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

World Machine edition

• The term operating system is far away enough to be linked twice.
  • Added Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Regarding the Nintendo Switch World Machine edition, which added a simulated operating system, -> "with a simulated operating system"
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Lowell Bell of Nintendo Life criticized controlling the cursor and the sizing of the in-game windows -> "criticized the cursor's controls and the in-game windows' size"
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• adding that it was hard to see the details of the pixelated world in windowed mode -> "adding that the pixelated details in windowed mode were hard to see"
  • Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
• Term undocked Switch may be confusing to some readers.
  • Rephrased to permit a link to Nintendo Switch#Dock. Skyshifter ^talk 22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Direct quotes

• Note: I will use boldface to indicate direct quotes in my changes.
  • I decided to add quotation marks to these. Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• For the reception section, direct quotes should be used sparingly. Too many of them may be a copyright violation, and thus this article would fail criterion 2D.
  • Sure. Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...and one of those that hooks the player instantly and traps from beginning to end. -> "for a game considered by him to be short but [captivating]."
  • I changed to "described the script as 'well-written' and 'captivating' for the game's short length." to make it clear that the script was what was described as captivating. Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ..."it's lovely growing closer to Niko as the game progresses." -> "said that it was lovely forming a friendship with Niko throughout the game".
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ..."nearly always contain[s] a moment that will make you smile" -> "was of a wholesome nature."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• Ruete (MeriStation) opined that, although the illustrations were not "spectacular", "the set of characters and settings look quite neat". -> Rephrase to "Ruete praised the character and setting design, but criticized that the graphics were repetitive as a result of the game being developed in RPG Maker."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ...the art during the game is extremely humble. - Rephrase entire sentence to "Nafria wrote that the graphics were humble but kept players hooked."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ..."It does stuff with my PC that I didn't know games could do." -> "Walker felt that his experience with OneShot's fourth-wall breaking gameplay was unique."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ..."the feeling of moving around the world is relatively boring and even unintuitive". -> "walking around the game's individual environments felt unintuitive."
  • Changed, also kept "boring". Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• ..."it is not brilliant at all, ending up being a series of melodies and sounds typical of any generic role-playing game" -> "it is typical and not brilliant."
  • Used "generic" as I think that better conveys the meaning. Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• "a bit on the limited side", "a handful of nice emotional tracks nudge the sound design firmly to a successful if not always pleasant level" -> "although it was limited, they felt as though the sound design paired well with the soundtrack."
  • Changed Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
• "loses a little bit in the transition", "but once you've been playing for a little while it's easy enough to lose yourself in the illusion of its recreation." -> "...lost some of its metafictional elements but in return kept parts of the gameplay found in the original PC version."
  • I don't know if I like that phrasing because that's not really mentioned clearly in the review. I did a different rephrasing and kept the "lose yourself" quote since I think it's too unique. Skyshifter ^talk 00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)

@TrademarkedTarantula: All done! Skyshifter ^talk 00:32, 18 October 2023 (UTC)

Awesome. I'll do one last copyedit to the article and update my GA criteria table. Tarantula^TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 02:55, 18 October 2023 (UTC)

Thank you! Skyshifter ^talk 11:21, 18 October 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.