Talk:My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic/Archive 8
Latest comment: 2 years ago by Arzg in topic Should we remove Equestria Daily?
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| Archive 5 | Archive 6 | Archive 7 | Archive 8 |
GOCE copyedit request
 | Hello Pamzeis. After completing my preliminary copyedit I always ask questions about the article to ensure that my edit reflects the intended meaning and is clear in doing so. Please reply to each point by indenting below each one like you would a conversation; items will be struck out once they have been answered. Please ping me with {{U}}, {{ping}}, or {{re}} as I have a lot of items on my watchlist. My copyediting process can be found here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 06:01, 5 August 2021 (UTC) |
[...] which featured designs as late as the franchise's third incarnation.
Already edited. Should generation be used here to be consistent with what it's commonly called by collectors?
Just as Michael Bay's film had helped boost the new Transformers toy line, Hasbro wanted to retool the My Little Pony franchise and update it to better suit the current demographic and taste of young girls.
Sentence seems a little unwieldy by the end. "Retool" and "update" seem to serve the same purpose, so I'd suggest removing either one. "Current demographic" and "taste" seem to clash; can "taste" be removed? It doesn't seem any information is lost if it's taken out.
Faust stated that as she provided Hasbro with more of her ideas for the show [...]
Emphasis added. I don't think the emphasised part needs to be in the article, unless Faust had been using ideas from someone else and the distinction needs to be made.
Faust and Rob Renzetti came up with broad plots for each show [...]
Wikilink removed. I think it's supposed to be episode and not show?
Wikilink removed. Everything before the semicolon seems unwieldy. The parenthetical thoughtFaust also adhered to the educational and informational standards that Hasbro required of the show, making crafting situations, which she would have normally done on other shows, more difficult; for example, Faust cited having one character call another an "egghead" as "treading a very delicate line", and having one character cheat as "worrisome to some".
which she would have normally done on other shows
doesn't seem to provide the necessary contrast to stay within the sentence. I think it can be removed, unless the thought is supposed to be which she would have done normally on other shows, because she had to tread carefully.
They focused on movement and kinetic energy as well as timing and gravity.
I don't understand why this sentence is here. Wouldn't action scenes generally focus more on these aspects in any show?
After beginning the storyboard and design process, the DHX Media team went through it.
Emphasis added. What is "it"? The "storyboard and design process"? If so, it could be merged with another sentence; taken alone it sounds redundant.
They determined what they had to do, recorded dialogue, and created a storyboard animatic using the voice record.
I don't think thedetermined what they had to do
needs to be stated. Does "voice record" refer to the recordings that the voiceover artists provided or something else?
The storyboard artists and animators also added background characters for otherwise scripted scenes [...]
Emphasis added. I don't understand why "otherwise" is added. Is it supposed to just be scenes in general?
- The source states "Very rarely are those things written into the script, but then when it goes to Studio B and the board artists and Jayson Thiessen, supervising director, I think they have a lot of fun. They have to populate this world with these background ponies and they're like "oh, they're at a bowling alley, eh?"" I think what "otherwise" is meant to mean is that the background ponies were not scripted. Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Before the show was approved, Hasbro and Faust planned for each episode to be 11 minutes long, to which Faust conformed in her first full-length script, "The Ticket Master", which was part of the pitch bible.
Seems a bit big with two "which"s. Is it necessary to mention that "The Ticket Master" was in the pitch bible?
At the end of the initial episodes [...]
Which episodes are considered "the initial episodes"?
[...] animated by bending and stretching them in curves in three dimensions and giving them a sense of movement without the cost of individual hairs.
I think the reader not versed in animation is going to be confused bythe cost of individual hairs
. I assume what this means is that a sense of movement can be achieved without animating individual hairs?
- Well, according to the source, "their manes and tails are intentionally rendered as curving surfaces completely lacking in depth. [...] [Fancy hair] raises production problems: the more inner line work you have on hair and when you start animating individual hairs, unless you’re on a feature animation budget it’s just not going to turn out right." Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Layers were then added, more voices being included as well as the orchestra and instrumentation.
This sentence sounds strange. Is this trying to say that additional voices, orchestra, and instrumentation were layered on top of the melody and principal singers?
- Well, since the cast recording seems to be the final process, I assume it was just layered on top of the "basic melody" and piano. Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
:—Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:06, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Tentatively done. Ah, I think I get it now: the rehearsal piano was there in the beginning, other elements like other instrumentals were added, and then the main cast was added on at the end. How does this look?The creative team was sent the song and gave input. Non-principal voices and instrumentation were then layered before the lead singer's vocals.
@Pamzeis: Looking forward to your responses! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 06:01, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thanks for your copyedits and comments, Tenryuu! I have responded to your questions and if any of my answers were unsatisfactory/unclear, please feel free to let me know! Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: Thanks for the responses! Pretty much all my points have been answered; I would appreciate a check of the two "Tentatively dones" to see if that's what you were looking for. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:13, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for you copyediting, Tenryuu! I think they have improved the article a lot. I've responded to the "Tentatively dones". Again, thank you so much! Pamzeis (talk) 03:02, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- Alright, I've marked those as done, and I'll give the article another once-over tomorrow to see if there's any last-minute changes to be made. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:52, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: I think that's everything on my end! Good luck with the nomination! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 15:53, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for you copyediting, Tenryuu! I think they have improved the article a lot. I've responded to the "Tentatively dones". Again, thank you so much! Pamzeis (talk) 03:02, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: Thanks for the responses! Pretty much all my points have been answered; I would appreciate a check of the two "Tentatively dones" to see if that's what you were looking for. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:13, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
GOCE copyedit request
| | Hello Pamzeis. After completing my preliminary copyedit I always ask questions about the article to ensure that my edit reflects the intended meaning and is clear in doing so. Please reply to each point by indenting below each one like you would a conversation; items will be struck out once they have been answered. Please ping me with {{U}}, {{ping}}, or {{re}} as I have a lot of items on my watchlist. My copyediting process can be found here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 06:01, 5 August 2021 (UTC) |
[...] which featured designs as late as the franchise's third incarnation.
Already edited. Should generation be used here to be consistent with what it's commonly called by collectors?
Just as Michael Bay's film had helped boost the new Transformers toy line, Hasbro wanted to retool the My Little Pony franchise and update it to better suit the current demographic and taste of young girls.
Sentence seems a little unwieldy by the end. "Retool" and "update" seem to serve the same purpose, so I'd suggest removing either one. "Current demographic" and "taste" seem to clash; can "taste" be removed? It doesn't seem any information is lost if it's taken out.
Faust stated that as she provided Hasbro with more of her ideas for the show [...]
Emphasis added. I don't think the emphasised part needs to be in the article, unless Faust had been using ideas from someone else and the distinction needs to be made.
Faust and Rob Renzetti came up with broad plots for each show [...]
Wikilink removed. I think it's supposed to be episode and not show?
Wikilink removed. Everything before the semicolon seems unwieldy. The parenthetical thoughtFaust also adhered to the educational and informational standards that Hasbro required of the show, making crafting situations, which she would have normally done on other shows, more difficult; for example, Faust cited having one character call another an "egghead" as "treading a very delicate line", and having one character cheat as "worrisome to some".
which she would have normally done on other shows
doesn't seem to provide the necessary contrast to stay within the sentence. I think it can be removed, unless the thought is supposed to be which she would have done normally on other shows, because she had to tread carefully.
They focused on movement and kinetic energy as well as timing and gravity.
I don't understand why this sentence is here. Wouldn't action scenes generally focus more on these aspects in any show?
After beginning the storyboard and design process, the DHX Media team went through it.
Emphasis added. What is "it"? The "storyboard and design process"? If so, it could be merged with another sentence; taken alone it sounds redundant.
They determined what they had to do, recorded dialogue, and created a storyboard animatic using the voice record.
I don't think thedetermined what they had to do
needs to be stated. Does "voice record" refer to the recordings that the voiceover artists provided or something else?
The storyboard artists and animators also added background characters for otherwise scripted scenes [...]
Emphasis added. I don't understand why "otherwise" is added. Is it supposed to just be scenes in general?
- The source states "Very rarely are those things written into the script, but then when it goes to Studio B and the board artists and Jayson Thiessen, supervising director, I think they have a lot of fun. They have to populate this world with these background ponies and they're like "oh, they're at a bowling alley, eh?"" I think what "otherwise" is meant to mean is that the background ponies were not scripted. Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Before the show was approved, Hasbro and Faust planned for each episode to be 11 minutes long, to which Faust conformed in her first full-length script, "The Ticket Master", which was part of the pitch bible.
Seems a bit big with two "which"s. Is it necessary to mention that "The Ticket Master" was in the pitch bible?
At the end of the initial episodes [...]
Which episodes are considered "the initial episodes"?
[...] animated by bending and stretching them in curves in three dimensions and giving them a sense of movement without the cost of individual hairs.
I think the reader not versed in animation is going to be confused bythe cost of individual hairs
. I assume what this means is that a sense of movement can be achieved without animating individual hairs?
- Well, according to the source, "their manes and tails are intentionally rendered as curving surfaces completely lacking in depth. [...] [Fancy hair] raises production problems: the more inner line work you have on hair and when you start animating individual hairs, unless you’re on a feature animation budget it’s just not going to turn out right." Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Layers were then added, more voices being included as well as the orchestra and instrumentation.
This sentence sounds strange. Is this trying to say that additional voices, orchestra, and instrumentation were layered on top of the melody and principal singers?
- Well, since the cast recording seems to be the final process, I assume it was just layered on top of the "basic melody" and piano. Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
:—Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:06, 5 August 2021 (UTC) Tentatively done. Ah, I think I get it now: the rehearsal piano was there in the beginning, other elements like other instrumentals were added, and then the main cast was added on at the end. How does this look?The creative team was sent the song and gave input. Non-principal voices and instrumentation were then layered before the lead singer's vocals.
@Pamzeis: Looking forward to your responses! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 06:01, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thanks for your copyedits and comments, Tenryuu! I have responded to your questions and if any of my answers were unsatisfactory/unclear, please feel free to let me know! Pamzeis (talk) 08:04, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: Thanks for the responses! Pretty much all my points have been answered; I would appreciate a check of the two "Tentatively dones" to see if that's what you were looking for. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:13, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for you copyediting, Tenryuu! I think they have improved the article a lot. I've responded to the "Tentatively dones". Again, thank you so much! Pamzeis (talk) 03:02, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- Alright, I've marked those as done, and I'll give the article another once-over tomorrow to see if there's any last-minute changes to be made. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:52, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: I think that's everything on my end! Good luck with the nomination! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 15:53, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for you copyediting, Tenryuu! I think they have improved the article a lot. I've responded to the "Tentatively dones". Again, thank you so much! Pamzeis (talk) 03:02, 6 August 2021 (UTC)
- @Pamzeis: Thanks for the responses! Pretty much all my points have been answered; I would appreciate a check of the two "Tentatively dones" to see if that's what you were looking for. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 18:13, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
Should we remove Equestria Daily?
OK, so I know there has been previous consensus that Equestria Daily is reliable. However, I'm hoping to nominate this article for FA in October and per the FA criteria, sources need to be "high quality". I do not think reviewers will consider EqD "high quality". If there's opposition to this idea, I will obviously not go through with it, but if there's none in the next few days, I'm going to start removing it. See here for the general idea of what would be removed (though it doesn't have the subsections, etc. and a few other sources have also been removed). Any thoughts? Pamzeis (talk) 00:41, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- Equestria Daily should only be removed as a source if better sources can be found. Otherwise infos of that article would not be sourced at all and would either have to be removed completly, leaving the article inclomplete or remain as unsourced. Neiter having unsourced info nor having an incomplete article can be in the spirite of a featured article. Therefore I would prefeare to keep EQD as a source, but only as long as not better source can be found. Gial Ackbar (talk) 08:33, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- EqD is not a reliable source for 90% of its reports. It's more of a news aggregator, and there should be actual sources we can pull the information from. On very rare occasions EqD was given first-access to information from Hasbro, but that's the exception rather than the rule. — The Hand That Feeds You:Bite 18:10, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- It does look like this article is only citing from the 10% exceptions: three interviews with show staff. While interviews need to be treated with caution in general, I don't think being on EqD makes them lower quality, and a priori I don't see a reason to remove them. (Particularly the interview with Lauren Faust) Arzg (talk) 12:06, 23 September 2021 (UTC)