Talk:J. R. Kealoha/GA1

Latest comment: 9 years ago by Hchc2009 in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hchc2009 (talk · contribs) 08:48, 3 October 2015 (UTC)Reply


I'll read through and review properly later today. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:48, 3 October 2015 (UTC)Reply

Well-written:

(a) the prose is clear and concise, respects copyright laws, and the spelling and grammar are correct;

  • "After the outbreak of the American Civil War, the Kingdom of Hawaii under King Kamehameha IV declared its neutrality." - worth adding the year here, for non-US citizens, e.g. "After the outbreak of the American Civil War in..."
  • "However, many Native Hawaiians and Hawaii-born Americans (mainly descendants of the American missionaries) abroad and in the islands volunteered and enlisted in the military regiments of other states. " - which states?
  • "Native Hawaiians" and "native Hawaiians" - you'll need to be consistent on how you capitalise this
  • "Individual native Hawaiians have been serving" - from context, this should be "had been serving"
  • "Many combatants served under anglicized pseudonyms because they were easier to pronounce than Hawaiian language names and they were often registered as kanakas, the 19th-century term for Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders, with the Sandwich Islands (i.e. Hawaii) as their place of origin." - the sentence needs to break after "names".
  • "they were easier to pronounce than Hawaiian language names" - worth saying that they were easier for English-speaking Americans to pronounce? (I'm guessing the Hawaiians had no problems with it!)
  • "Kealoha fought in the Richmond-Petersburg Campaign," - would be worth giving dates for this
  • "Kealoha's service in the Civil War was recorded down" - "recorded down" didn't feel right. "recorded"? "written down"?
  • "started the effort to give him a grave marker." -"started an effort"
  • You'd typically use "the" as a definite article to refer to something or someone the reader already knows about. In this case, the effort hasn't been introduced before, so I think it should be the indefinite article in the first instance. After that, it would quite reasonable to use "the". Hchc2009 (talk) 18:36, 13 October 2015 (UTC)Reply

@Hchc2009:@Hchc2009: Anything else? Thanks!--KAVEBEAR (talk) 22:44, 13 October 2015 (UTC) (b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.Reply

Factually accurate and verifiable:

(a) it provides references to all sources of information in the section(s) dedicated to the attribution of these sources according to the guide to layout;

(b) it provides in-line citations from reliable sources for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines;

(c) it contains no original research.

Broad in its coverage:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic;

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without bias, giving due weight to each.

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

Illustrated, if possible, by images:

(a) images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content;

(b) images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.