Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Zaprešić/archive1

Overall, I'd suggest getting a few people to read through this and copy edit it. In many places, articles are misused and the text does not flow smoothly.

The article has been already through two peer reviews and I feel that, unfortunately, I'm the best speaker of English on WikiProject Croatia, so I don't know what to do anymore. I had tried to make some improvements to the flow before, but I was asked to remove them at the GA review because it was deemed to be unnecessary editorializing. (Also, I was taught that encyclopedias don't look the same as ordinary books; I was trying to pick the notable bits of information from a large body of text).

In note 1, I'd suggest second-largest rather than second-biggest. Traditionally, large is used more often when dealing with size and big when dealing with importance or notability.

In the lede, it's stated that the city's water quality is good, but I don't see a citation to back that up in the text.

Done It's ref 49 ("pitkavoda_zap"); I added it to the sentence "The water from the water pump is of drinking quality."

In the lede, you state that Zapresic had the first "meat industry" in Croatia. What does that mean? Was it the first large-scale packaging plant, the first export-quality meat, or something else?

Done I changed to "meat packaging plant", as it agrees with context of the sentence mentioning it in the ref.

I threw a wikilink in for the utility company, but don't feel as if I'm forcing you to stub that out.

Done I'll have a try if I catch enough time soon, but I don't think it's very notable.

The lede sentence about the "palace path" was somewhat awkward; I changed it around a bit, so let me know if it's wrong or if you disagree.

You alternate between using the serial comma and not using it. Please stick with one style.

Done I tend to use it only when the last entry is so long that an omission of a serial comma would be ambiguous. However, I've now changed the entire text to use the serial comma.

~~I've heard that basketball is pretty popular in Croatia -- does the town have a basketball team? I ask this because you mention the futbol team.~~
I'd suggest removing the reference to the global financial crisis in the lede. As phrased now, it reeks of boosterism and doesn't really contribute to an overall understanding of the town's history.

Done I had decided to reek because the source did, but the mention in the lead is now gone.

I'm a bit concerned at the length of the history section. For a town that has been in existence for more than seven centuries, I don't think a few paragraphs do it justice. Forex, we don't get anything about the period from 1575 to the First World War. That's more than three centuries! Surely something important must have happened during that time period. Industrialization, the building of the railroad that you mentioned, political upheval, anything at all would fit in here.
Also in the history section, you mention something about the refugees bringing a different Slavic pronunciation to the area. Why is this important? Do people in the area still pronounce things differently from their neighbors? Is it a pronounced regional accent unique to the town itself? If this is something that affects more than just the town, I'd strongly suggest putting it into a different article.
If the town was not established as separate until 1995, I'd strongly suggest putting that in the lede. In addition, I'm confused as to how the area was organized prior to the establishment of the town. According to your notes, it looks as if the town was formed from the merger of several smaller communities. Is this correct?

In the text, you mention that it's the most densely populated town in Croatia, but the density figures aren't in the text. They're just in the infobox. Could you put those into the text right next to where you talk about the density?

Not in Croatia, in Zagreb County. However, I've incorporated the number into the Demographics section. I'm against putting it in the lead as I think that that paragraph already has enough figures.

You say that it has "very high" net migration and population growth -- could you provide a figure for another town of similar size in order to provide context and back that statement up?

I don't have recent estimates for any other city outside the capital metropolitan area, but 3% per year strikes me as quite high (that would amount to about 35% per ten years), as the city would meet the US definition of a boomburb.

When you say that NK Inter Zaprešić is the "best-placed" team in the county, what does that mean? Is it the highest-ranked, plays in the highest league, or something else?

These are a few things that came to mind as I did a quick readthrough of the article. Feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns, and I'll reserve a second readthrough until other folks take a look, too. JKBrooks85 (talk) 11:19, 2 April 2009 (UTC)Reply