Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Temple Israel (Memphis, Tennessee)/archive1
Latest comment: 13 years ago by Jayjg in topic SV comments that have been addressed
SV comments that have been addressed edit
- Some other issues:
- I wonder if you need to say what "rapidly reformed services" means in the lead.
- "held services in member's homes in 1853" should be members' homes.
- Christopher Philip Winkler, the "Dean of Memphis Musicians": who is being quoted?
- Funds for the renovation were raised by two committees; one solicited donations from "all the Israelites in this city", while the other's task was "to receive subscriptions from Gentiles": again, who is being quoted, and is it necessary to quote?
- "attendance at the at least quarterly meetings": should be "at-least-quarterly," but that would be awkward. I would tweak it so it was written differently. Or maybe "(at least) quarterly".
- "A member could also be suspended or expelled it he acted ..." (if he acted)
- "they consulted with Philadelphia's Rabbi Isaac Leeser ... but also were in contact with Rabbi Isaac Mayer Wise ..." I would say consulted, not consulted with, and were also in contact with, rather than also were in contact with.
- "earlier that same year --> earlier that year
I'm wondering whether this is a bit long (nearly 9,000 words), but I don't know what the norm is for these articles. SlimVirgin talk|contribs 04:54, 30 November 2010 (UTC)
- I'm the only one who writes synagogue FAs, which is probably a good thing. :-| It's a bit longer than my other ones, but I thought (hoped?) it would be o.k., as it's still well within the 6,000 to 10,000 word guideline. Jayjg (talk) 04:55, 2 December 2010 (UTC)
- Personally I would try to tighten it a little; it's just easier to read if it's a bit shorter. Also, I was wondering about the wisdom of repeating how much certain amounts of money would be worth today, partly because it's distracting, partly because these calculations aren't always worth much. Maybe just do it the first time to give people an idea? SlimVirgin talk|contribs 10:00, 2 December 2010 (UTC)
- Some more comments:
- (By comparison, the kosher butcher's salary was $300 per year, "independent of poultry killing".): who is being quoted?
- An example of tightening. Instead of (83 words):
- B'nai Israel hired Peres in December 1858 at an annual salary of $600 (today $15,000), with additional perquisites of $400. (By comparison, the kosher butcher's salary was $300 per year, "independent of poultry killing".) Peres's role was to lecture, lead, and teach, in both English and German, and to run the choir. Though specifically hired as a "Chazzan [cantor] and Teacher", in practical terms he was the congregation's rabbi. In addition to his other duties at B'nai Israel, Peres ran the Hebrew school." (83 words)
- Try something like (48 words): "B'nai Israel hired Peres in December 1858 as cantor and teacher, in English and German, at an annual salary of $600 with perquisites of $400; by comparison, the kosher butcher's salary was $300. He also ran the Hebrew school and the choir, and was in effect the rabbi."
- At a congregational meeting in January 1860, the membership heard "an account of the suffering of the Jews of Morocco": who is being quoted?
- creating a committee "to receive donations about the city" on their behalf: ditto
- I wouldn't link ordinary words not connected to the topic, such as precedent.
- they consulted with Wise: consulted is better.
- The position, which was advertised as paying $1,000 (today $24,000) per year, was advertised for in Wise's newspaper as a "Teacher, Preacher, and Reader": needs a tweak
- they formed the Orthodox Beth El Emeth congregation in 1861[30] or 1862.[32]: I wouldn't cite each year separately; it's a very minor issue and the footnotes add clutter.
- Would it be better to have the last paragraph of each section as the first para of the next, for flow? So you'd have the end of Peres at the beginning of Tuska to ease the reader into the new era. Just a suggestion.
- rabbi for a ten year term: ten-year term.
- his salary subsequently rapidly rose: either subsequently or rapidly
- late night services in mid-summer, and late afternoon services in mid-winter: late-night services and late-afternoon services
SlimVirgin talk|contribs 10:28, 2 December 2010 (UTC)