Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Herbie Hewett/archive1
Latest comment: 13 years ago by Sarastro1
Comments from Sarastro1, moved from Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Herbie Hewett/archive1 to save space.
Lead
"a belligerent left-handed opening batsman..." Belligerent is possibly cricket speak and may not be understood by the general reader.
- Changed to 'battling' how's that?
Still a bit cricket-speak. Determined? Resillient (possibly the same problem)? Aggressive? (And are we talking Paul Collingwood battling or Jessop battling?)
- I've left battling in for the moment: the greater of the two issues as I read it is the ambiguity between the two styles of 'battling' as you identified. I've quite significantly rewritten the opening paragraph: can you cast your eye over it once more, it has all the same information, but hopefully it flows a little better now. Harrias talk 21:22, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
"but was also inclined to be argumentative off the pitch..." By the sounds of it, on the pitch as well. Also, "also inclined to be" is not really necessary. And I'm not sure that this connects with the rest of the sentence, which concerns his batting and this is irrelevant to his argumentativeness. Would this fact link better with his captaincy?"demoralising the best bowling" Presumably the bowlers, rather than the bowling, would be demoralised.
- Changed to bowlers.
"score a large total in a short time": Very minor, and ignore it if you like, but what about "make/hit/post a large score in a short time"?
- Changed as suggested.
"on the game" possibly unnecessary?
- Removed.
"However, in 1889 he was made captain..." However may not be the best word. Even so? Nevertheless?
- Changed to 'even so'.
"He remained as Somerset captain" "as" unnecessary?
- Removed.
"In 1892, they put on 346...": "they put on" may be better as "scored" or "shared a partnership".
- Changed to 'shared a partnership'
"The stand remains...": Needs a date, i.e. "...as of February 2011"
- Added as a footnote.
"He continued to play first-class cricket for three more years..." "Continued" not necessary, reads better as "played first-class cricket for..."
- Changed as suggested.
"Another disagreement that centred on a wet pitch when captaining an "England XI" at Scarborough prompted Hewett to feel insulted, and he left the match at lunch-time on the first day.": Long sentence which is a little difficult to follow.
Early life
"house match": Any links for this?
- Linked house.
Any more details on his school career? The fact he played for Harrow would be a big plus in his favour at the time. For example, any school averages?
- Not from me!
Oxford and Somerset (1884–1888)
"and also claimed two wickets, his only ones in first-class cricket" "the only two wickets in first-class cricket" may sound better.
- Tweaked.
"at a batting average of 35.28; one of seven seasons": not sure about semi-colon.
- What would you suggest as an alternative? Just a comma?
Captaining Somerset
Seasickness: over-detailed? It isn't really relevant for his performances, as while Woods blamed the journey for the loss, Hewett did relatively well.
Batsman of the Year
"in three university matches during May": This suggests matches he played for the University, since he played for them before. "...matches against the Universities"?
"The fall of Hewett's wicket brought to an end a partnership of 346, a record for the first wicket in first-class cricket, surpassing W.G. Grace and Bransby Cooper's 1869 total of 283.": What about merging with previous sentence: "Hewett scored 201 out of a partnership of 346, establishing a record for the first wicket in first-class cricket." The next sentence also needs dating, like the lead, "as of Feb 2011".
Departure from Somerset
"returning to Taunton due to the death of his brother-in-law, George Wood replacing him as a substitute" On first glance, it reads like George Wood was his brother in law.
"..and with the talents of Sammy Woods": worth mentioning his Australian background?
- Added Australian-born; not too sure how relevant it would be to go into too much detail on him also having played for Australia? Harrias talk 21:31, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
- Just realised it is a little ungrammatical. It may be better to say "with the Australian-born Sammy Woods playing for Somerset". Anyway, Australian-born is enough detail.
"but that his lack of self-control may have limited his long-term captaincy abilities" Abilities is not the right word. Prospects? I think the sentence is suggesting he would not have lasted long but for his temper?
"Hewett did not bother with such threats, and left the field, got changed and departed from the ground." Presumably he never returned, so it may be worth making explicit that he took no further part in the game.
Later cricket career and life
"His obituary in The Times describes only Hewett's cricket career, and does not give any details about his later life. It does not mention a spouse or any children" Is this necessary?
- It was recommended at the peer review. Harrias talk 22:21, 13 February 2011 (UTC)
General
How did Somerset perform during his captaincy in 1891 and 1893? And, reaching a bit, how good was his captaincy? what difference did it make? Working wonders with few stars or out of his depth? How was he regarded?
Also, the quote from Foot which ends with "unlike some of his predecessors": could more be made of this? If they were a bit of a rabble in playing terms before Hewett took over, could this be directly pointed out?
"Also" seems a little overused in places. Some of these could be cut.