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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Constitution of May 3, 1791/archive2

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Latest comment: 11 years ago by Piotrus in topic Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

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Latest comment: 11 years ago29 comments3 people in discussion
Image review from Crisco 1492
  • File:RNieustająca.jpg needs a US PD-tag (PD-1923 would probably be best). Also, as the artist is unknown PD-70 cannot apply.
  • File:Scipione Piattoli.PNG needs an information box, including name of the original artist, lifespan, publication year, etc. Needs a proper PD tag as well (US and Polish).
  • File:Warsaw Uniwersity Botanical Garden świątynia opatrzności.jpg is fine. Regarding the caption, I suggest "Unfinished Temple of Divine Providence, in Warsaw's Botanical Gardens, at Ujazdów Avenue. Cornerstone was laid on May 3, 1792, to commemorate the Constitution of May 3, 1791, by King Stanisław August Poniatowski and his brother, Primate Michał Jerzy Poniatowski." be replaced with "Unfinished Temple of Divine Providence, in Warsaw's Botanical Gardens, at Ujazdów Avenue; the cornerstone was laid by King Stanisław August Poniatowski and his brother, Primate Michał Jerzy Poniatowski, on May 3, 1792, to commemorate the Constitution of May 3, 1791."
Prose comments from Crisco 1492
  • "threw in his lot" - Sounds rather familiar. Perhaps a more encyclopedic term?
  • "that the Commonwealth was heading for a partition by Russia, Brandenburg and Austria." - Sounds awkward to me, any other phrasings?
  • "There were also reform attempts in the Wettin era, led by individuals such as Kazimierz Karwowski, Stanisław Dunin-Karwicki, Stanisław A. Szczuka and Józef Massalski; for the most part they proved to be futile." - Can this be merged somewhere?
  • "had been deputy to the Sejms of 1750, 1758, 1760, 1761, 1762 and 1764." - "had been deputy to several Sejms between 1750 and 1764." (or another way to avoid that list)
  • "economic matters including taxation" - could you drop "including taxation" from this?
  • "Frederick II the Great" - Perhaps just "Frederick the Great" or "Frederick II", as Frederick II the Great sounds odd to me.
  • "except that the right to apply the death penalty against serf laborers was in this legislation taken away from their szlachta overlords." - Including this makes the sentence a little long, methinks. A way to rework it?
  • - until 1773 - - is this necessary?
  • "also rather conservative," - is "rather" necessary?
  • "A civil war began in Poland, waged by the Confederation with the goal of overthrowing the King and fought on until 1772, when the uprising was overwhelmed by Russian intervention." - This reads awkwardly. Perhaps "The Confederation began a civil war, with the goal of overthrowing the King, but were overwhelmed by Russian intervention in 1772"
  • "King Stanisław August yielded under duress " - Don't think "under duress" is necessary, yielded implies that it wasn't something he wanted.
  • Only 102 deputies - Unclear why "only" is used as we don't know how many deputies there were.
  • That list of notable works is pretty jarring, especially with all those redlinks. Don't think you need to go in that much detail.
  • Double check to ensure you're not linking to the same subject more than once close together. I removed a couple links.
  • That's it for today. I did a copyedit, be sure to check my changes. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:36, 4 August 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • Piotr, I'd strongly suggest working on these as I go, as there may be a bunch. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:48, 5 August 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • Continuing:
  • Overlinking again. Didn't you just link Stanislaw, confederated sejm, and liberum veto in the previous section?
  • "A major opportunity for reform presented itself during the "Four-Year" or "Great Sejm" of 1788–92, which began on October 6, 1788 with 181 deputies, and – in the words of the May 3 Constitution's preamble – from 1790 met "in dual number" when the 171 newly elected Sejm deputies joined the earlier-established Sejm." - Might be better split into two sentences.
  • "seemed to play into the reformers' hands" - That's rather informal. How about "were opportune for the reformers" or something similar?
  • burgher rights - Should explain this here, rather than later (first mention)
  • "the worst possible news have arrived from Warsaw: the Polish king has became almost sovereign." - Became in the original? If so, perhaps you should use {{sic}}
  • "The Poles have given the coup de grâce to the Prussian monarchy by voting a constitution" - Probably shouldn't have a link here (direct quote and all that)
  • such as Franciszek Ksawery Branicki, Szymon and Józef Kossakowski, Stanisław Szczęsny Potocki and Seweryn Rzewuski - why the second "and"? Wouldn't "such as Franciszek Ksawery Branicki, Stanisław Szczęsny Potocki, Seweryn Rzewuski, and Szymon and Józef Kossakowski" flow more smoothly?
  • The confederates declared to overcome this revolution, - declared an intention, perhaps? or "they would"?
  • "in the Polish–Russian War of 1792, also known as the War in Defense of the Constitution." - You've repeated this.
  • "nephew Józef Poniatowski and Tadeusz Kościuszko" - reads like there are two nephews. Perhaps clarify who Kościuszko to avoid that.
  • "the infamous Grodno Sejm took place." - Is "infamous" really necessary?
  • Edmund Burke - His opinion is is important because...? Same for Albert Blaustein and Bill Moyers
  • dislawed - Hmm? Dislawed, outlawed, or banned?
  • In 2007, May 3 was declared a Lithuanian national holiday. - Why? That's... out of the blue.
  • Any information on constitution day celebrations outside of Chicago? I feel uncomfortable singling them out.
  • More soon. Gave another copyedit. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:14, 6 August 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • Thanks. Addressed most with the exception of overlinking. Few remaining issues: 1) I'd like to keep the list of notable works, there are an important lead in to the Consititution. 2) burgher rights - I don't see a good way to explain them on first mention, and frankly, they do sound mostly self-explanatory to me: rights for burghers... 3) Burke and others: because they are notable people discussing the Constitution? Burke, because he is famous, and the others, because we had on talk a discussion about the term second, and the solution was to clearly attribute the statements of those who use it. 4) Not sure what's wrong with the Lithuanian holiday mention? 5) I couldn't find any reliable sources for non-Chicago celebrations. IIRC the section was longer, but I removed other mentions due to that reason. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 21:33, 6 August 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • Jacek Jędruch - Another figure whom we have not context for why his opinion matters
  • "Also by granting to the townspeople in the earlier Free Royal Cities Act (Miasta Nasze Królewskie Wolne w Państwach Rzeczypospolitej) of April 18 (or 21), 1791, stipulated in Article III to be integral to the Constitution, personal security (neminem captivabimus), the right to acquire landed property, and eligibility for offices, including military officers' commissions and public offices, such as reserved seats in the Sejm itself and in the executive commissions of the Treasury, the Police and the Judiciary." - Should be split, and it looks like a sentence fragment (can't find a predicate)
  • Membership in the nobility (szlachta) - didn't you define "nobility" already?
  • Now the voting... - After the passage of the Constitution, the voting... or something similar. Now gives an unclear timeframe.
  • (elective Sejm and appointive Senate) - Perhaps (the elected Sejm and appointed Senate)
  • The royal chancellery should inform - Perhaps "The royal chancellery was to inform "
  • Several terms are not linked at first appearance but later on, like ministers
  • Article X stressed the importance of education of royal children, and tasked the Commission of National Education with this responsibility. - Can this be merged somewhere?
  • (paradoxically, the Great Sejm was itself a confederated sejm) - Does this really need a mention? The contrast is interesting, sure, but we've already noted the Great Sejm was confederated
  • parliament (Sejm) proper, - why not just Sejm proper?
  • "the national police commission" - What's with the italics?
  • Fix the fact tag (direct quote)
  • K, when this is done I'll check your revisions. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:35, 7 August 2012 (UTC)Reply
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