Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Werner Mölders

Werner Mölders

I rewrote the entire article. I think it is better than start class now. I am especially seeking feedback on style, grammar and language. My goal is to progress this article to GA and A-class shortly. Please let me know what you think. Thanks to all that help out. MisterBee1966 (talk) 06:50, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

AustralianRupert

Hi, mate. This is a very good article in my opinion. I have updated the rating on the talk page to B class (that is as high as I can rated without the formal review processes). I don't think that there is much I can add, though.

I like your layout and style and believe that the article is well written. Certainly very well researched and referenced. My only suggestions are to make sure that all of the works listed in the references section have been cited specifically. If they haven't been, then they should be in a Further Reading section. Also, check that all the images have appropriate licences for use. Well done. — AustralianRupert (talk) 01:14, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Jim Sweeney

• Agree with AustralianRupert I would suggest moving the image in the Eastern front section to the right so he is looking into the article
• The Spanish Cross award with Swords and Diamonds would suggest three awards [Cross] ,[Swords], [Diamonds] but from reading the article it seems they were all presented at once ? --Jim Sweeney (talk) 08:42, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

YellowMonkey

you need to change the cites to "and" rather than using the ampersand. YellowMonkey (cricket calendar poll!) 01:58, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Binksternet

• Why do most of the images have hard-coded pixel widths? What screen resolution are you using on your own computer? I think most of the images should be left at thumbnail size. The more vertical portraits could be presented with the |thumb|upright| parameters.
• Photograph of Major Mölders should be one paragraph lower so that it corresponds with the promotion date in the text.
• Birthday photograph should be a couple of paragraphs down so that the chronological flow fits better.
• Two instances of "fulfill/fulfilling" in the same sentence. Replace one.
• Explain why Luise Baldauf no longer used her maiden name; was she a widow? A divorcee?
• Did Mölders know about the RAF 5-plane turn method from 1922? If not, take it out.
• "...flamed one..." That's magazine jargon, not encyclopedia. Replace.
• Explain "park position"... what did Mölders actually do during this time?
• How do we say "belonging to Mölders" with the possessive apostrophe: Mölders' or Mölders's?
• Please place a reference directly following each of these phrases:
  • "...the first pilot in aviation history to claim 100 aerial victories..." (trim off "... during World War II.")
  • "During World War II he became the first pilot to claim 20 aerial victories..."
  • "During the Battle of Britain he was the first pilot to claim 40 victories..."
  • "He is often credited with inventing the cross-over turn."

Cheers! Binksternet (talk) 20:15, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Rosiestep

This is a very comprehensive article. Being new to Peer Review, I'd like to mention two punctuation issues:

• The article has a few parenthetical date commas, but mostly it lacks them. Is the lack of them due to British English vs. American English usage?
• "Adolf Hitlers birthday" is missing a possessive apostrophe. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:04, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Patar knight

Very nice article. I only have a few points to make:

• In the lede, why was Molders released after two weeks of captivity? Why was his name removed from the barracks? This could be expanded on.
• There are some grammatical and style issues, so a copyedit is recommended before a GAN
• The first two sentences of "Condor Legion" could be merged.
• In the Phoney war/Battle of France section, the theft of the Iron Cross is not mentioned until it is brought up that a French officer returned it
• The "Dates of Rank" section is unsourced --Patar knight - ^chat/_{contributions} 23:26, 17 May 2009 (UTC)