Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Demosthenes

Demosthenes edit

Demosthenes fought as a hoplite and influenced with his political choices some major military events of the ancient world. He opposed both Philip II of Macedon and Alexander the Great and tried to revive Athens' splendor. I intend to nominate this for FAC. The article is already a GA and has already gone or is going through some peer-reviews. But I would like more feedback from the project and its excellent reviewers.--Yannismarou 19:50, 1 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin edit

Overall, very nice (as usual!); some minor points to consider, though:

Some of the captions seem unusually qualitative (and potentially unsourced); e.g. "The knitted brow and compression of the lips suggest the inner struggle of an apprehensive mind". It's usually better to keep captions purely descriptive.
"In 335 BC, the King of Macedon crippled any attempt of the Greek cities at resistance and shattered Demosthenes' hopes for Athenian independence." is repeated several times, but it's not entirely clear from the article what exactly it refers to.
There are a few remaining grammatical errors (e.g. "Demosthenes barnstormed Peloponnese"), so getting another outside copyeditor to go through the article may be worthwhile.

Other than that, this looks great. Kirill Lokshin 23:31, 1 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Kirill. I'll try to fix these remaining issues.--Yannismarou 10:31, 2 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've fixed the captions with qualitative comments. These were mostly old edits, before I started rewriting the article and I hadn't changed them (although I had to!). I also clarified the phrase you mention. The repetition was not mine. Probably some of the reviewers trying to help put it in the begining of "Harpalus" sub-section. I also put the photo-caption where this phrase was mentioned in the previous sub-section (where it is more relevant) and I clarified the chronological order of events. As far as the copy-editing is concerned I'll do my best and I'll also try to find an outside copy-editor to help. As matter of fact, I think this is the best place for such an invitation!--Yannismarou 15:00, 2 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I gave the second half of the article myself another copy-editing and I think I improved the prose and corrected some mistakes. I hope I'll have another copyeditin by some volunteer!--Yannismarou 18:08, 2 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Article also copyedited by Robth and Chaleyer61.--Yannismarou 14:33, 9 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]