"It is the Dutch submission for the Academy Award" Shouldn't this be in the past tense?
I changed it, but since the nominations will be announced this month, I thought present tense was appropriate. - Ilse@06:12, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Black Book was the most visited Dutch film in 2006." Is "visited" the right word. I know what you're trying to say, but I think there might be a more common word (the most seen? the best attended? or the highest grossing?)
Why are you wikilinking the actors twice in the plot? It looks like you wrote one, wrote the other, and then forgot to remove the excess links.
I tried to remove these links already, but User:Patrick stated: "keep the links in the plot info to make it self-contained, the part before the spoiler warning is just for people who do not want to see the rest)". I disagreed with him, but didn't see a point in re-reverting it. I have now removed the links again. - Ilse@06:26, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The reason the links are unnecessary is that anyone who avoids the spoilers will get the links from the spoiler free section. Anyone who reads the spoilers will already have the links. Plus they're in the cast section.--Supernumerary20:57, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"to flee the Nazi-occupied part of the Netherlands to the liberated southern part of the country, by boat" Change it "to flee from" to match "from" and "to". The "by boat" is tacked on, and you should trying playing around with the wording to make it fit better.
I changed the sentence to "In 1944, the young Jewish woman Rachel Steinn tries to flee by boat, together with her family and other Jews, from the Nazi-occupied part of the Netherlands to the liberated southern part of the country." - Ilse@11:23, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"However, they are attacked by the Germans and she is the only survivor; she does not succeed in fleeing outside the occupied territory but is not caught." It needs a comma and to be reworded.
"Rachel joins a resistance group, and under the alias Ellis de Vries manages to get friendly with the German SD officer Ludwig Müntze (Sebastian Koch), and to bug the office." Missing commas and one two many "and"s.
"She gets a job in the SD office. She really falls in love with Müntze. He is not as bad for the Dutch as other German officers. For example, he refuses to obey the rule to kill 40 innocent Dutch citizens to revenge the killing by the resistance group of a Dutch traitor. For this Müntze is imprisoned and sentenced to death." This is choppy. Did she get the job after bugging the office because then you could combine that sentence with the other easily (you could still combine it if not). "to revenge" should be "to avenge"
"The resistance group plans to free a number of their imprisoned men. Rachel is only willing to participate if they free Müntze too. Reluctantly they agree. However, the attempt fails and many prisoners and rescuers are killed." Choppy again.
"Rachel gets caught and imprisoned by the Nazis." change to "Rache is captured and imprisoned by the Nazis." One should try to avoid the word "get" whenever possible because it sounds informal.
"They have discovered the bug and use it make the resistance group listening to the transmitted sound" How about dropping "listening to the transmitted sound"?
"The country is liberated, and Rachel is imprisoned as traitor. It turns out that physician Hans Akkermans, who supposedly was in the resistance movement, was actually involved in the devastatingly ending refugee trips, thus enriching himself. This man tries to kill Rachel with a large dose of insulin. She manages to survive by eating a lot of chocolate as an antidote." Lots of problems here.
"It turns out" is a colloquialism and should be avoided.
"devastatingly ending refugee trips" why not just "devastating refugee trips"? (or did he end them?(in that case it would be "devastatingly ending the refugee trips"))
"This man tries to kill Rachel with a large dose of insulin. She manages to survive by eating a lot of chocolate as an antidote." This could be made one sentence. "manages to survive" and "a lot" are both informal.
"together with a man from the resistance they smuggle the physician and the money and jewels he has stolen, together in a coffin, to a quiet place, where they seal the coffin and slowly kill him by suffocation." Polysyndeton? It's also very awkward.
"Things seem idyllic for Rachel and her family... until bombs start going off in the distance, an air raid siren goes off and soldiers take positions at the front of the kibbutz. It's October 1956, and the Suez Crisis has broken out."
Do not use an ellipsis! You are not building suspense for the story but trying to inform a reader.
The writing section of production needs to be in the past tense.
I changed some present tense to past tense, but not the generic statements about the film/story that remain true. - Ilse@06:42, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In Black Book the family of Rachel Steinn tries to cross in the Biesbosch, where these attempts actually took place." Maybe say that she tried to cross there in the plot.
The word crossen is used in Dutch specifically in referring to these attempts. I changed the sentence to make it clearer. - Ilse@09:31, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"entrapped by Dutch policemen" Where the entrapped or trapped?
Jews that tried to flee with their belongings were entrapped, robbed and killed. I changed the sentence to make it clearer. - Ilse@09:31, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"San Fu Maltha, who produced the film together with three other producers, tried to economize on different parts such as the scenes in Israel, that could have been left out without changing the plot, but this was not negotiable for Paul Verhoeven." Long sentence that needs to be rephrased or split.
"Because of financing problems the filming did not start as planned in 2004,[6] but was delayed until August 2005.[7]" There should not be a comma there. It's your call whether to move the ref though.
"There was attentention for details in the film. Several requisites were reproduced from originals from the 1940s" "Attention" is misspelled. I think it should be "attention to details". Also "originals" and "from the 1940s" is redundant.
HRH means His Royal Highness, this is the formal style to refer to the prince, I included it in the link to make it more clear. - Ilse@06:50, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"were mayor of The Hague Wim Deetman, minister Hans Hoogervorst, and minister Karla Peijs." Appositives over one word should be set off with commas. I would suggest flipping what is the noun and what is the appositive here.
She compares the two films and makes a remark about the main characters, I think "Rutger Hauer" should not be added in the first sentence. - Ilse@07:33, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Black book" should be italicized in the quote from the Observer, but I won't do it without checking the original.
"Golden Film (100,000 visitors)" Again I'm not sure if "visitors" is the right word (observers? spectators? audience?).
The Netherlands Film Fund uses 'cinema visits', 'visitors' and 'tickets sold' as equivalents in their (Dutch) press release. Since there are objections to 'visitors' I changed it to 'tickets sold'. - Ilse@07:33, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I have taken into account all the above remarks to improve the article. I hope it will pass the Good article nomination. - Ilse@11:37, 7 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
