Wikipedia:Peer review/Winter Olympic Games/archive1

Winter Olympic Games edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because I am trying to prep it for FAC. I need specific recommendations for prose improvement, and MOS compliance. I also need input on what to do with the History section. The three options are to strip it down to a single section on the origins of the Winter Games, or keep a brief summary of each Games but much less than what is currently in the article, or finally keep it as is. No consensus was reached when the issue was brought up at the Olympics project, impartial input would be invaluable.

Thanks, H1nkles _{citius altius fortius} 21:21, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is very good in most respects. You are right to be a bit concerned about the prose and MOS. I made a fairly large number of minor changes to punctuation and low-level prose problems as I went, and I have further prose suggestions. I did not think the History section was too long; on the contrary, it seemed interesting and necessary. On the other hand, my eyes glazed over in the Commercialisation section, which I thought included more detail than necessary; I think it could be compressed. I really like the map showing the locations of the Winter Olympics. The tables look good. If you disagree with any of my proofing changes, please revert them.

Lead

"They feature winter sports held on snow or ice, such as alpine skiing, cross-country skiing, figure skating, and ice hockey." - This may seem nitpicky, but I always try to put modifiers and things modified together within sentences. Suggestion: "They feature winter sports such as alpine skiing, cross-country skiing, figure skating, and ice hockey that are held on snow or ice."
"These sports along with Nordic combined, ski jumping, and speed skating have been competed at every Winter Olympics since 1924." - I don't think "have been competed" is a correct use of the verb "to compete". Suggestion: "These sports along with Nordic combined, ski jumping, and speed skating have been part of every Winter Olympics since 1924."
"The first Winter Olympics were held in Chamonix, France in 1924." - Comma after France.
"The Winter and Summer Games resumed in 1948 and were celebrated on the same year as the Summer Olympics until 1992." - Maybe "held" instead of "celebrated"? And "in the same year" rather than "on the same year"?
"This has allowed outside interests, such as television companies and corporate sponsors, to influence various aspects of the Games." - Tighten by deleting "various aspects of"?
Consider linking boycott? "Boycott of" rather than "boycott at"?
"Nations have also used the Winter Games to their own political ends". - "for their own political ends" rather than "to their own political ends"?
"The next Winter Olympics will be hosted by Sochi, in 2014, making it the first time a Russian city will host the Winter Olympic Games." - Repetition of "host" and "Winter Olympics". Suggestion: "In 2014 Sochi will be the first Russian city to host the Winter Olympics."

Done. H1nkles (talk) _{citius altius fortius} 20:38, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Early years

"The Nordic Games were organized by General Viktor Gustaf Balck. They were held again in 1903, a third event was held in 1905, and then every four years there after until 1926." - I'd combine these. Suggestion: "Originally organized by General Viktor Gustaf Balck, the Nordic Games were held again in 1903 and 1905 and then every fourth year thereafter until 1926."
"The 50 kilometre cross-country event was officially contested but ended early when the temperature rose to 25 °C (77 °F), which caused significant problems with snow and waxing conditions." - Tighten by deleting "was officially contested but"? Or does "officially contested" have a specific meaning?

1964 to 1980

"Despite being a traditional winter sports resort, warm weather caused a lack of snow during the Games and the Austrian army was called in to bring snow and ice to the sport venues." - Since warm weather isn't a sports resort, I'd re-cast this sentence. Suggestion: Although Innsbruck was a traditional winter sports resort, warm weather... ".
"Originally, the 1976 Winter Games had been awarded to Denver, but in 1972 the voters of Colorado, the state Denver is located in, expressed unwillingness to host the Games through a state referendum." - Tighten along these lines: "Originally the 1976 Winter Games had been awarded to Denver, Colorado, but in 1972 Colorado voters passed a referendum declining to be hosts"?
"The 1976 Games also featured the first combination bobsled and luge track in neighbouring Igls." - It might be good to add, briefly, what Igls refers to. A town?

Done. H1nkles (talk) _{citius altius fortius} 20:38, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Commercialization

"By the Grenoble Games, Brundage had become so concerned about the direction of the Winter Olympic Games towards commercialization that if they could not be corrected, then he felt the Winter Olympics should be abolished." - "Direction" is singular; "they" is plural. Suggestion: Change "they" to "it".
This section seems a bit long and repetitive to me. Could the last paragraph be greatly shortened, perhaps, and combined with the paragraph above it?

Done. H1nkles (talk) _{citius altius fortius} 20:38, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Images

The photo of the statue of Sonja Henie may violate copyright law in Norway. Some countries such as the U.S. have copyright laws that do not include what is called "freedom of panorama". You can check Commons:Freedom of panorama to see what you think, but it appears to me that this image does not belong on the Commons.

Done. H1nkles (talk) _{citius altius fortius} 20:38, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. Thanks for reviewing other articles at PR; I have noticed that you've done quite a few recently, and that is very helpful. Finetooth (talk) 03:27, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your customarily excellent review. I'll employ your suggestions and I appreciate your edits. It's a lot easier for me to see prose and MoS issues in other people's work but it's hard for me to see them in my own. I am trying to shift my reviewing efforts from GAC to Peer Review because I don't always have the time to see a GA review through from start to finish and I enjoy the peer review process. It's also helping me learn what it takes to move from GA to FA. GAC is in such need though so I'm probably not permanently retired. You likened reviewers to Sisyphus and that is so apropos. H1nkles _{citius altius fortius} 04:32, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Giants2008 comments – Made a rare visit to PR and found this article. I decided to check the references, and most of them look fine. The bibliography appears exhastive. There were a few nit-picks here and there, which I will detail so they don't come up at FAC.

Reference 18 is to Britannica, a fellow encyclopedia which may not be the strongest possible source for an FA. Try finding an alternate.
In reference 67, the external link to the site's home page as the publisher should probably be removed, just leaving the publisher's name.
Reference 78 is from a newspaper and should be formatted as such.
Reference 96: I've never heard of the World Anit Doping Agency. :-)

Can't wait to read this one. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:15, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hey thanks for the comments yes I learned from the 1956 Winter Olympics FAC that Britannica is frowned upon as a credible source. So I'll have to swap that one out. "Anit" doping agency oh my, thanks for catching that and the rest. I'm a little scared to put this one at FAC due to the large amount of content, it will have many areas where it can fail. But if we never try we never succeed so expect it there and ready for your very thorough and expert review soon. Thanks again. H1nkles _{citius altius fortius} 03:55, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]