Wikipedia:Peer review/Tupac Shakur/archive1

Tupac Shakur

There is a few editors that is working in the article lately, and I really want to get this featured soon. It failed FAC around April here. I would work on the reasons why it failed the FAC tommorrow, I would also work on whatever helpful comments can be made. Thanks Jaranda ^{wat's sup} 04:17, 25 September 2006 (UTC)

• Some comments:
  1. References should be put after punctuation signs. In the leading, it is used between the word and the comma worldwide[2], while it should come immediately after the comma. Don't leave a space between the word and the reference, as in the third reference.
  2. Any possibility of using {{cite book}}, {{cite video}} and {{cite web}} in every reference?
  3. Do not use contractions unless quoting the subject. In example, use did not instead of didn't
  4. Image:Tupac1.jpg has no fair use rationale.
  5. Image:Tupac-mugshot.jpg is tagged as having no source information.
  6. Image:Pacsnoopsuge.jpg can be considered excessively big, tagged with {{fair use reduce}}.
  7. The Legal issues section, especially the third paragraph, has too many short sentences, which may not be good for the flow. In example,

     According to the complaint, Shakur sodomized the woman and then encouraged his friends to sexually abuse her. Shakur vehemently denied the charges. He had prior relations days earlier with the woman who was pressing the charges against him. She performed oral sex on him on a club dance floor and the two had later had sex in his hotel room.

  8. Don't use $2000, use another notation like US$2000, or another way indicated here.
  9. When using mdashes, don't put a space before or after it. If you want the space, use a ndash, per dash guidelines. In example, instead of shooting — of setting use shooting—of setting or shooting – of setting
  10. The prose could get some polishing to remove unnecessary wording. In example, Family and friends plan to spread the remaining ashes during a ceremony in Soweto, South Africa. The ceremony has been delayed from September 13, 2006, to June 16, 2007, which is Shakur's 36th birthday could be rephrased as Family and friends plan to spread the remaining ashes during a ceremony in Soweto, South Africa, on June 16, 2007. Or, In one interview that appears on the documentary Tupac: Resurrection could be better as In an interview appearing on the documentary Tupac: Resurrection.
  11. Weasel stuff, like Many supporters of these theories and It was believed by many listeners that in the first few seconds of the album The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, one could hear a voice saying "Suge shot me", or "Suge shot 'em". This voice was of Kadafi. Who were those "many listeners"? Do we have a reference? Also, the "This voice was of Kadafi" is typical of a mystery book, not an encyclopedia. In example, It was believed by many listeners that in the first few seconds of the album The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, Kadafi's voice could be heard saying "suge shot me", or "Suge shot 'em". The "one could hear" is of inappropriate tone too.
  12. I suggest rephrasing this sentence:

      This, along with reports of Knight's strong-arm tactics with artists and other illegal/unethical business tactics including involvement with the Mob Piru Bloods street gang gave rise to a theory that Knight was complicit in Shakur's murder, as it was reported that Suge Knight owed Tupac up to seventeen million dollars in back royalties, but no evidence has been provided to support this theory.

  I think that is all for now. Someone else may check the prose better than me for sure. -- ReyBrujo 04:52, 25 September 2006 (UTC)