Wikipedia:Peer review/Tree: A Life Story/archive1

Tree: A Life Story edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review to refine it and make it FA worthy. It passed its GA at Talk:Tree: A Life Story/GA1 and failed its FAC at Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Tree: A Life Story/archive1. I would like to pursue a second FAC but I'm looking for corrections to make beforehand. Any comments regarding the article are welcome.

Thanks, maclean 04:03, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Here are some suggestions for improvement.

I owuld look at the FAC comments very carefully and try and address all of them, then ask the editors to take a second look at the article and see if they feel their concerns have been addressed. Language concerns seem to be the biggest issue - you can ask for a copyedit at the last section in WP:PRV. Sentences like Before these chapters there are sections titled Acknowledgments and Introduction, and afterwards sections titled Selected References and Index. could perhaps be cleaned up to something like The book opens with Acknowledgments and an Introduction, and closes with Selected References and an Index.
Would it make sense to add an image of a Douglas-fir (there are some nice free ones in the category for the tree in Commons)?
Would it make sense to add the chapter titles to the first sentence of each paragraph, so some thing like The first chapter, "Birth", begins with lightning starting a forest fire.
The Publication section is very short - could it be expanded or combined with another section?
Would it make sense to add Canada and Australia to the lead sentence, so something like Tree: A Life Story (or Tree: A Biography in Australia) is a Canadian non-fiction book written by David Suzuki and Wayne Grady, and illustrated by Robert Bateman?
The book has also been reviewed by Publisher's Weekly and Booklist, see Amazon here

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:57, 30 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I have incorporated your suggestions. I already have the Booklist source and I previously saw that Publisher's Weekly blurb but I have never been able to trace it back to an issue of the magazine. I have searched through all the issues around the time the book came out but only see it in the 'coming soon' list with no blurbs. -maclean 04:46, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from jimfbleak

solicited Grady to help write. Isn't write transitive?
Based in Ontario, Grady wrote as Suzuki provided the research, framework, and some original writing. Together they went through five drafts. reads clunkily to me
I'm surprised that termites occur at this location, since it's an island and quite far north. jimfbleak (talk) 07:26, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Though a specific species is not mentioned, I suspect the termite is this one: Reticulitermes spp. maclean 07:49, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]