Wikipedia:Peer review/Transhumanism/archive1

Transhumanism edit

This article seems pretty comprehensive, has a good lead and inline references. Any comments before it is off to FAC would be much appreciated.--Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus ^Talk 21:45, 4 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Yes it looks pretty good to me. Nice job! The only minor issues I might have would be a rather lengthy introduction; a majority of the article focus being on criticisms, and the inclusion of Theodore Kaczynski as a "militant". But nothing I can't live with. Thanks! :) — RJH 15:10, 6 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The lead has been shortened. The focus on criticisms actually provides an opportunity to present transhumanist positions and arguments quite well. The inclusion of the Unabomber as a militant can be justified by not only by the fact that this word is sometimes used synonymously with terrorist but also the coherence and relative influence of his neo-Luddite manifesto, http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Industrial_Society_and_Its_Future --Loremaster 18:37, 6 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. — RJH 15:38, 17 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

This article is well on its way to becoming a FA but still needs fine-tuning. Some comments:
- Footnotes & references (Footnote numbers are current to the date stamp below but are subject to change):
  - The "Notes" section does not seem to be formated consistently. Some provide ext.links, some I have to track down in the references.
  - The sources used for footnote numbers 1, 6, 10, 11, 12, 18 do not appear in the Reference section.
  - Footnote 3 misquotes the subject.
  - Where does TransCentury UPdate's "100,000 viewers" figure come from? I do not see it in the footnote source.
  - Footnote 17 gives the first name of the author; should be last name.
  - Footnote 19 is empty - is that where this claim of a quantum leap in the mid-21st C. comes from?
  - In Spirituality, what is footnote 13 used to reference? The source does not seem to relate to what is written in that paragraph.
- History
  - This reads like the history of an industry or organization, not an intellectual movement. I'd prefer to see more about the origin of the concept and how that changed over time. The Bostrom-A History of Transhumanist Thought reference did a great job at this.
  - I don't quite get what the first sentence in the second paragraph of History is is saying, can it be expressed more clearly?
  - What was this about "Alcor Life Extension Foundation"? It is abruptly introduced but not explained. Why did it become a nexus?
  - That parapraph about the "early 1980s at the University of California, Los Angeles" is confusing and the footnotes did not help. How does Space Tourism and EZTV Media relate to the activities (conference, convention?) at UCLA?
- Also...
  - The last paragraph/sentence of Spirituality should probably be expanded. The current version simply states that papers have been written on the subject. But, what about them?
  - Some of the thumbed-images, like "Converging technologies", could use better image captions, please see Wikipedia:Captions.
  - There is an image of "Digitalism" in the Spirituality section, but the section does not explain what it is or how it relates to transhumanism. --maclean25 20:19, 7 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Maclean, for pointing out all the details that have been bothering me as well. We'll work on this during the next few days. --Loremaster 21:57, 8 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Maclean:

This article is well on its way to becoming a FA but still needs fine-tuning. Some comments: Footnotes & references (Footnote numbers are current to the date stamp below but are subject to change): The "Notes" section does not seem to be formated consistently. Some provide ext.links, some I have to track down in the references.

I've fixed some of this and gave a rationale for leaving some Notes as just links.

The sources used for footnote numbers 1, 6, 10, 11, 12, 18 do not appear in the Reference section.

See previous comment.

Footnote 3 misquotes the subject.

I fixed this.

Where does TransCentury UPdate's "100,000 viewers" figure come from? I do not see it in the footnote source.

I don't know the answer to this.

Footnote 17 gives the first name of the author; should be last name.

I fixed this.

Footnote 19 is empty - is that where this claim of a quantum leap in the mid-21st C. comes from?

I don't understand what he means by 'empty." It seems ok to me.

In Spirituality, what is footnote 13 used to reference? The source does not seem to relate to what is written in that paragraph.

This should be fixed by someone who knows the Hughes reference.

History This reads like the history of an industry or organization, not an intellectual movement. I'd prefer to see more about the origin of the concept and how that changed over time. The Bostrom-A History of Transhumanist Thought reference did a great job at this.

This should be fixed by someone familiar with the Bostrom piece.

I don't quite get what the first sentence in the second paragraph of History is is saying, can it be expressed more clearly?

This can be improved by someone familiar with FM-2030's work.

What was this about "Alcor Life Extension Foundation"? It is abruptly introduced but not explained. Why did it become a nexus?

I think this has been fixed; at least Alcor is explained. 'Nexus" seems clear, but maybe should be changed?

That parapraph about the "early 1980s at the University of California, Los Angeles" is confusing and the footnotes did not help. How does Space Tourism and EZTV Media relate to the activities (conference, convention?) at UCLA?

I rewrote some of this section.

Also... The last paragraph/sentence of Spirituality should probably be expanded. The current version simply states that papers have been written on the subject. But, what about them?

Fixed by Loremaster.

Some of the thumbed-images, like "Converging technologies", could use better image captions, please see Wikipedia:Captions.

Fixed.

There is an image of "Digitalism" in the Spirituality section, but the section does not explain what it is or how it relates to transhumanism. --

Fixed.

maclean25 20:19, 7 April 2006 (UTC) --StN 04:03, 12 April 2006 (UTC)

--StN 04:09, 12 April 2006 (UTC)[reply]