Wikipedia:Peer review/Sword Art Online: Lost Song/archive1

Sword Art Online: Lost Song

I've listed this article for peer review because I plan to take it to GAN eventually. Since this is my first attempt at a video game GA, I feel like things are pretty rusty and could use some improvement.

Thanks, Zappa24Mati 04:38, 2 December 2015 (UTC)

I'm not familiar with the game or the series but I'll try to address some issues I find.

• The lead could be expanded considering how big is the article.Tintor2 (talk) 22:28, 2 December 2015 (UTC)

• Also, there is no need to reference statements in the lead unless the information is controversial.

• Removed.

• The gameplay section is well sourced but an image to make it more clear would be a nice addition.

• @Tintor2: Image provided. Zappa24Mati 04:41, 7 December 2015 (UTC)

Good, I don't have much else to say but it would be good if you provide commments in other peer reviews to advertise your own.Tintor2 (talk) 16:38, 7 December 2015 (UTC)

• The plot section is completely unsourced and seems a bit big. Is the game really that long?

• It takes about 10 hours to complete the story, and about 2 or 3 times longer for the entire game. I guess it could be trimmed, since it's just barely over the suggested maximum. Regarding sourcing it, looking at MOS:PLOT, plots aren't usually sourced (like at Tony Hawk's Underground for example), but I could go ahead and add them otherwise, though they'd all be coming from the game. Zappa24Mati 23:05, 2 December 2015 (UTC)

• Just wanted to leave a comment about this, Plot sections do not require sourcing because they would just be the game itself. You might run into some reliable sources or reviews that talk about parts of the plot, and you could potentially use those to source a plot section, but generally no. --JDC808 ♫ 23:52, 3 February 2016 (UTC)

• The reception section could be expanded a bit to balance in-universe and real world information.

That's all I can say. Maybe I'm saying too many things if the article were nominated for FA. Regards.

I've done a bit of a copy edit, but to be honest the huge block of text that is the plot section was a bit daunting, so I'll just leave some comments here of up to that point. I'll try to come back and take a look at the rest later if I can! —2macia22 (talk) 18:55, 11 December 2015 (UTC)

• The lead is looking really good!
• I've reorganized the gameplay a little bit, i.e. putting all combat-related info together; I'd like to see also an explanation of the races (a cited list of what races are available would be fine) and maybe a mention of how quests work into the gameplay.

• @2macia22: The races are understandable for fans of the series, since they're the same as in the anime/LN, but it's going to take a while to find a video game-based source of the races. Otherwise, I just added the Salamander and Sylph.

• It doesn't have to be a video game source per se. Unless this game changed what the races are in the original series, then using those sources, as long as they're reliable, would be okay here. --JDC808 ♫ 23:52, 3 February 2016 (UTC)

• Possibly a brief explanation of basic combat mechanics would be nice too. For instance, I don't understand the mention of auto-attacking.

• Auto attacking is basically when a character is close enough to an enemy to attack on their own without the player having to command them to do so. In Lost Song's case regarding flight, if you and your party is flying and an enemy is nearby, the party members won't attack it unless you tell them to do so, though they will attack automatically on the ground. I'm not sure if I need to find a source explaining this, though. NFLisAwesome (ZappaOMati) 21:24, 11 December 2015 (UTC)

• What does this sentence mean: "In a party, the magic user is not targeted by enemies." ??

• That basically means the character that uses magic isn't a target by enemies. It's a little awkwardly worded, so I tried to fix it. NFLisAwesome (ZappaOMati) 19:32, 11 December 2015 (UTC)

• The plot does need to be shorter. My recommendation here is, don't try to focus on every single moment in the game that is plot-based. Stick to the important stuff, like when characters are introduced, information is revealed that is necessary to understand the plot, or major events happen.

Comments from JDC808

I'm going to have a look here soon. I also have an article for Peer Review if you or any other reviewer here could have a look: God of War: Ascension. --JDC808 ♫ 22:29, 3 February 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• This needs expanded. The first paragraph is not even a paragraph, it's two sentences. Here's my suggestion:

Sword Art Online: Lost Song (ソードアート・オンライン －ロスト・ソング－, Sōdo Āto Onrain -Rosuto Songu-) is an action role-playing video game for the PlayStation 3 (PS3), PlayStation Vita, and PlayStation 4 (PS4) and is based on the Sword Art Online light novel series. It is the third video game in the series and is the successor to the 2014 game Sword Art Online: Hollow Fragment. It was first released in Japan on March 26, 2015, and was later released that year in the PAL regions and North America on November 13 and 17, respectively.

Lost Song's story is based on an alternate timeline of Sword Art Online. It follows series protagonist Kirito and his friends as they play the Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (VRMMORPG) called ALfheim Online (ALO). The game introduces a guild named Shamrock, led by scientist and idol Seven, who Kirito competes against to be the first to clear ALO's expansion, Svart ALfheim.

It received mostly mixed reviews, with the multiplayer and controls being praised; however, the game's dungeons were criticized for being bland and recycled. A sequel, Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization, was announced at Dengeki Bunko Fall Fest 2015 for PS4 and Vita, with a release date set in 2016. — Expand this paragraph by at least a couple more sentences.

Gameplay

• In the game, is there anything more that you can do with multiplayer?

Development

• Is there nothing more on its development?

• I believe there could be, but most of them are probably in a Japanese source. I'll go look for the ones on Dengeki Online.

Reception

• There are GR and MC aggregate scores for the PS4 version and only a GR for the Vita version. Is there not an MC score for the Vita version and are there not GR and MC scores for the PS3 version?

• At the time, there was an MC page for the Vita version, but no score was available since it required at least four critic reviews, which didn't arrive until late January. I don't think the PS3 version has a GR or MC score, though.

• Are there any more reviews for this game?

• There are, but they were either a translation of an existing review or weren't listed under WP:VG/S so I ended up not adding them. Zappa24Mati 00:40, 4 February 2016 (UTC)

• If there are more reviews, or even just using the existing reviews currently on the article, (not including the first paragraph about sales) I would make two paragraphs, one paragraph about what reviewers liked, the other paragraph about what they didn't like. --JDC808 ♫ 00:00, 4 February 2016 (UTC)
• You may already know this, but in regards to sources being in Japanese, they are still okay as long as they're reliable, like Dengeki. Just use Google translate. --JDC808 ♫ 16:41, 4 February 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Kiyoshiendo

• Header:
  • Please put the Japanese name in a footnote like we talked about in this discussion.

•  Done Zappa24Mati 04:00, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

• • Are you sure the second paragraph is written in a way to be relevant to people not familiar with SAO?
• Gameplay:
  • Box art looks too high resolution to qualify as fair use. I can reduce the size if you want me to. The screenshot is fine because the text needs to be legible.

• I got the box art before the game's release with an English title, so there was only a "low-quality" cover. If you look at the ones at other sites, the art is "brighter", and is also of a smaller size, I believe. You can go ahead and change it if you need to.

• • Could you please explain why the game is different from previous games in the serious, specifically different from the RPG genre and instead going into action?
  • Does the custom character acting as Kirito limitation apply to the other 18 base characters?

• It applies to the other 18 characters. Added.

• • Do the weapons themselves have skills or do the characters? How do the weapons relate to the characters? Are they bound, or can they be equipped freely?
  • in the air, with the latter allowing the player to move freely -- I think it's implied that flying gives you freedom, unless you want to go into more detail on the flying mechanics.

• Most of the details are available in the light novels, if I recall correctly. However, since this is a different canon than the LNs, I'm somewhat hesitant to add them in since there's probably some differences.

• • Do player characters have races, or do enemies have races? It's important to make a distinction between NPCs and player characters.
  • It would be helpful to go into more detail on the multiplayer where sources exist (if not just use the game manual or something as a primary source).
• Synopsis:
  • Setting:
    • Try to write this in a way where a complete newbie can understand the game's canon. Try not to assume the reader knows anything about previous games, or even this game.
    • What's the relevance to the three new characters? Can they be cut out without affecting the article?

• They're crucial to the plot; they're not necessarily antagonists, but they're not supporting characters, either. It's this whole "good vs. good" mantra that the game is setting.

• • Plot:
    • This section has no citations. If you're willing to play the game again, try citing specific scenes from the game.

• Most of the dialog scenes are pretty heavy in - well - dialog, so the references might be a bit bloated unless I can find a way to cite them otherwise.
• @Kiyoshiendo: I'm about 90% complete with adding the references so far, but they seem a little large, since – like I said – the game's dialog-heavy due to its visual novel-like format of conversations. Should I try to cut down some parts with "[...]"? NFLisAwesome (ZappaOMati) 18:54, 25 February 2016 (UTC)

• If you are okay with this and it does not reduce the relevance of the quotation, then yes --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 21:46, 25 February 2016 (UTC)

• @Kiyoshiendo:  Done Refs have been completely added. Zappa24Mati 05:00, 26 February 2016 (UTC)

• Comment: Plot sections for video games do not require citations because it would just be the game itself. --JDC808 ♫ 06:03, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

I found a policy which says otherwise. MOS:PLOT says that "...editors are encouraged to add sourcing if possible. If a plot summary includes a direct quote from the work, this must be cited using inline citations", and says later "...all sources (including the primary sources) need to be appropriately cited in the article". It does say it's optional, though it's been brought up as an issue with Undertale, and Cave Story has great citations. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 06:38, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

• • • If this section can be shortened to three small paragraphs it won't take up my entire screen. It's hard to summarise plot concisely, though it's important to only put in the critical details.
• Development:
  • Do your best to expand development, as it tends to be the most interesting section. Japanese developers like talking about their games, so find period magazines and videos to find info.

• I'll see what I can do; I'm sure Dengeki Online has a lot of article available, though the language barrier could cause Google to mistranslate some parts. Zappa24Mati 04:05, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

• • What's the relevance of the opening and ending themes?
  • Marketing:
    • Like I said, try not to assume the reader knows anything about the game or it's predecessors. Reading about bundles is confusing to anybody not familiar with the series.

• Comment: I don't get where your confusion is coming from. --JDC808 ♫ 06:03, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

Try to add context to titles you mention so readers aren't ever lost, and remove information that is of little interest or notability. Promotional tie-ins should be notable if they are added. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 06:38, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

• Reception:
  • For the second sentence, what do the numbers represent, and what's their relation to the first sentence?
  • For critical reviews, try addressing aspects of the game in individual paragraphs, quoting the reviewers like in Undertale or Fallout Shelter.
• References:
  • Please put these into multiple columns since I don't know how to.
• Overall:
  • Writing isn't the most fluid, though that's typical of Wikipedia. Connections between sentences would be nice.
  • Each section suitably long, except for plot, which is too long. Would like expanding on development and clarification on gameplay.
  • Try not to put too much information into too short of a space, like in the sales section, where the information content is very dense. Use as much prose as possible to break up that.

Anyway I'll edit the screenshots to be fair use, and I trust you with the rest, because I don't have a PlayStation and no emulators are going to come out within the next decade. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 03:43, 24 February 2016 (UTC)