Wikipedia:Peer review/Strangers (thirtysomething)/archive1

Strangers (thirtysomething) edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it's IMHO close to GA status and I'd like some eyes on it before making the nomination.

Thanks, Otto4711 (talk) 01:27, 22 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: A short, somewhat slight article. Since the main notability of this episode was the controversy over two gay men in bed together, I would have expected the "Controversy" section to have rather more detail. For example, ABC withdrew the episode from the summer rerun schedule. But this was 1990: has the episode been aired since (I imagine it has)? If so, with what effect? Also, perhaps a bit more plot detail on the Peter and Russell story would be helpful. For instance, was the meeting at the advertising agency their first meeting? Are Peter and Russell in any way connected with the other circle of friends you describe in the plot summary?

Here are a few more specific points. I have also done a little punctuation and general tidying.

WP:LEAD says: The article should begin with a short declarative sentence, answering two questions for the nonspecialist reader: "What (or who) is the subject?" and "Why is this subject notable?" Your first sentence fulfils the first of these requirements, but not the second. Indeed, it is not until the second paragraph of the lead that we learn why this episode was notable. I suggest some redrafting of the lead section.
I suggest you delete the second "together" in the second paragraph, as too close a repetition
"originally including hugging and kissing..." - "-ing", "-ing" and "-ing". Suggest reword as: "...and originally included hugging and kissing..."
"There was no public outcry about the episode before it aired." Well, how could there be, before it was shown?
"fear of", rather than "fear for", is the normal idiom.

I hope these comments are helpful. Brianboulton (talk) 19:01, 2 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]