Shawn Green edit
--Epeefleche 05:36, 19 August 2007 (UTC)
Review by Midnightdreary
- This is one of the few leads I've seen that is too long. Consider clipping away at it. Check out WP:LEAD to get a good idea of how it's done. In essence, it should serve as a stand-alone "mini" article for those that choose not to read the whole thing. As I understand it, it should also summarize and introduce what the article is going to discuss in more detail. You also should be careful about single-sentence paragraphs; try to always have three sentences (personal recommendation; not sure what FAC reviewers would say). By the way, using numbers in sports articles can be hard. Generally, for non-stats related info, go with writing the full word for the number for smaller numbers. Case in point, the fourth paragraph: "He is one of only 4" should be "He is one of only four..."
- The problem with this article throughout is sources. This would probably not pass a good article review. So, do some digging, get some sources (preferably print sources to balance the web sources). Really, I would suggest that editors stop working on adding info to this article and just work on verifying what's already there. See WP:RS and WP:CITE for some info.
- Also, throughout, there are short single-sentences paragraphs that should be expanded or merged itno another 'graph.
- I'd also consider turning the "Charitable work" section into prose rather than just another list; there's already plenty of list-based sections here.
- There's also a trivia section in here. See WP:TRIVIA.
Best of luck. --Midnightdreary 13:09, 8 September 2007 (UTC)