Wikipedia:Peer review/Revelation (Third Day album)/archive1

Revelation (Third Day album)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to improve this article to FA-status. The GA reviewer suggested this article is close to that status, and I want to get any major stumbling blocks out of the way before I nominate for Featured Article.

Thanks, Toa Nidhiki05 23:12, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

Comments

• " an overall heavier sound" is that clear to all readers? Just a query really.

  I see what you mean, so I cleared it up. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "than Third Day's more recent,"... do you mean those that were released latterly?

  Same here. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Is the "mainstream"ness of the director cited and/or relevant?

  It is, in the Billboard cover article. The topic is relevant because Billboard reported it and due to the unusual nature or mainstream collaboration with Christian artists. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• " It debuted at No. 6 " Re-assert, "The album debuted..

  Point taken, fixed. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "a career high sales" imagine that career-high is hyphenated.

  Alrighty. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "as well as the 151st best-selling album of 2009" context, e.g. America? Billboard? What?

  Good point, fixed. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• I normally expect to see abbreviations explained before they're used (e.g. RIAA).

  Alright, fixed. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Not sure you need to repeat the first names of artists in the second para of the lead.

  Alright, corrected. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Lead mentions GMA. I would expand that first time.
• Fixed. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)
• "two Grammy Awards at the 52nd Grammy Awards – the Grammy Award for Best Gospel Song and the Grammy Award for Best Gospel Performance." a little bit of clever pipe linking would help us not repeat Grammy Award four times in quick succession.

  Corrected. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• " least one chart format" is this in the US only? Can you clarify?

  Clarified, yes. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Avoid starting consecutive sentences with "Third Day" if you can.

  Corrected. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "opted not to replace him. They also opted " avoid overuse of "opted" too.

  Corrected. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "had a great voice. " not really encyclopaedic, or else find a quote and put "great voice" into quote marks?

  It's encyclopedic because Chris Daughtry, a rock singer, said so and Billboard reported it, but it doesn't work with that sentence, so I removed it. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Not sure you need to link "Recording".

  Delinked. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• Nor Jewish, but since this is a vaguely religious issue, perhaps that's ok.

  The term needs to be linked since there are ethnic Jews that are not religious Jews, and Benson is a religious Jew. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "from Chris Daughtry of the rock band Daughtry.[5][6][7][8][9][10] lyrically," see WP:CITEKILL.

  Fair enough, removed three citations there.. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• You also repeat "lyrically" here, and there are grammar issues (e.g. in the current form, it should be "Lyrically...")

  Alright, I'll try and fix those. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

• "by Lacey Mosley of Flyleaf.[6][7][10] " citekill again, and stop re-introducing people you've already discussed.

  It's a relevant composition topic but OK. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

That's enough, it's just under half-way, there's plenty to go before you get to FAC I think. The Rambling Man (talk) 18:14, 7 May 2012 (UTC)

I think I have fixed most of these issues. Toa Nidhiki05 20:20, 7 May 2012 (UTC)