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Wikipedia:Peer review/Punahou School/archive1

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Punahou School edit

I would appreciate any comments about any section of the article, or the article as a whole. I would hope to elevate this article up to GA status, and possibly even FA. Sr13 (T|C) ER 05:32, 24 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

First review edit

  • Lead is way too big - it should be a brief summary of the article, not several paragraphs.
  • Listing of all the buildings on campus is completely unnecessary. Remove or move to it's own page.
  Done Removed listing. Sr13 (T|C) ER 08:09, 27 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • List of notable alums is to the size that it's probably ready to be it's own article.
  Done I don't think that the alums deserve their own article, but I cut them down to size. Sr13 (T|C) ER 08:09, 27 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Look around at other articles on similar schools and universities and emulate the good examples.

Nswinton 21:00, 26 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Second review edit

  • Good. Will need some work towards B status, though.
  • 9'th reference missing.
  • Several "citation needed" throughout the article, you may not base claims on personal research. It might require one reference per paragraph.
  • Avoid external links inline.
  • Image:Punahouschoolflag2.png lacks a fair use rationale.
  • POV — "Because of his love for this school...", "actually named".
  • Format the references using the cite templates.
  • I'll further check-up to the writing once those are addressed. Michaelas10 17:14, 30 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Third review edit

  • The section on Case Middle School is disproportionately large. I suggest spinning it off as its own article (since it has an adequate number of cites), and then just having a two-paragraph summary in the article.
  • By contrast, there seems to be no description of the campus (size? number of buildings? organization) or other components (does the high school have a name? lower schools?)
  • This is a 501 c (3) organization, yes? So why not a link to their annual financial form (990) filed with the IRS? And a bit of info from that (e.g., annual revenues, size of endowment)?
  • The subsections in the "Athletics" section dominate the table of contents. I suggest using semicolons to bold what otherwise would be subsections. (There really ought to be two only two true subsection headings: "Programs" and "Olympians".)
  • The "history and traditions" section combines two disparate things; I suggest an "Other" section with info on events ("traditions" really relates to culture, not a school, I'd argue, but that's a very minor point), the asteroid, and other things that don't fit elsewhere, with an expanded history section (see next point).
  • The "History" section most definitely needs to be greatly expanded: what happened between 1842 and the point where Steve Case (and please remove the "Because of his love" phrase; that is an absolutely, completely unverifiable phrase - unless he hooked up to a lie detector or given truth serum, and then only if you believe either of those really works) gave $10 million? Clearly the school expanded - when, how, why?
  • Does the school have any particular teaching philosophy or approach? Has this changed over the years? Was it a pioneer in anything (co-ed education, girls in sports, whatever)?

-- John Broughton (♫♫) 01:44, 1 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Automated peer review edit

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