Wikipedia:Peer review/Physical history of the United States Declaration of Independence/archive1

Physical history of the United States Declaration of Independence

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Seeking general constructive feedback on article because it's a worthy article and specific to Wikipedia. Thanks. -- Wikipedical (talk) 07:45, 31 December 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I found this very interesting. I hope the following points are helpful:-

• The lead needs to be expanded from a single sentence into a concise summary of the whole article (see WP:LEAD)
• You need to check the image licences with an experienced images reviewer; I am a little hesitant in this area, though for the images of historical artefacts, I am doubtful that "Life of author + 70 years" is the appropriate licence.
• Jefferson's "composition draft" can't properly be described as "The earliest known version" of the Declaration. It is not in any sense a "version", as it includes only a small fraction of the text, much of which was later reworded.
• In your quotation from the draft you write: "Enemies in War, in Peace Friends". The capitals are not present in the handwritten draft.
• "after July 4" and, later, "submitted to Congress on June 28" should be given a year. Thereb have been no references yet to 1776 (though I assume there will be, in the expanded lead) Also, the particular significance of July 4 needs to be mentioned; not all your readers will be US citizens.
• "secretary Charles Thomson". Secretary of what?
• "including to George Washington". It would be helpful to be told in what capacity Washington was sent his copy. Commander of the army?
• "There were 24 known copies of the Dunlap broadside in 1989, when another was discovered behind a painting bought for four dollars at a flea market." The table below indicates that this find was number 23.
• "Norman Lear and a partner purchased the document at an online Sotheby's auction for $8.14 million." Clarify what is meant by "the document". I assume you mean the flea market copy, but this is not clear.
• What was the "Independence Road Trip"? Readers should not have to jump to another varticle to find out what "Declare Yourself" was.
• The information in the table is a little scrappy. For example, where and when did Nos 24 and 25 come to light? You provide this information for 23 and 26.
• "thirty years" → "30 years" (for consistency)
• Until the penultimate paragraph of the "Engrossed copy" section, the declaration is referred to as "the document". In that penultimate paragraph it becomes plural - "the documents" and "they".
• The final statement of the article is missing a citation.

As I am not able to watch individual PR pages (too many), please call my talk page if you want to raise any questions arising from this review, or if you want me to look at it again. Brianboulton (talk) 00:40, 8 January 2012 (UTC)