Wikipedia:Peer review/Peruvian Amazon Company/archive1

Peruvian Amazon Company edit

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This peer review discussion is closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because...

Thanks, Arawoke (talk) 16:35, 18 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Because I’d like to add more to this topic. However, I’d like to know where else I need to focus on relating this article, and what needs to be added / edited. Thank you for your time. Arawoke (talk) 16:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Arawoke! I see that you've added quite a bit to the article since you posted this. Do you still want feedback? I'd be happy to do a review for you. --Cerebellum (talk) 13:52, 25 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! At the present moment I will not be able to immediately begin on reworking the article based on that feedback, as I am focused on a draft for Carlos Scharff: however I would very much so appreciate that feedback. Specifically regarding the section dealing with the notable perpetrators of crimes against humanity, how could that section be edited for a more “neutral” approach. I think perhaps the wording should be changed on the introductory paragraph for that section, but I do not want to remove information. Also, I have a new source that would be a great addition to the subject since it actually gives the reasons behind the arrest warrants, and proves that they were issued. Again, I have not gotten around to including this information into the article yet. Arawoke (talk) 17:52, 25 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I will do a review and get back to you in a few days :) --Cerebellum (talk) 09:09, 26 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

You have done a great job on this article! This was a very sad story and one that should be better known. You are right that it is difficult to describe these events in a neutral way. If you are looking for inspiration, there is an editor called Buidhe who writes similar articles, you could take a look at Armenian genocide or Sayfo as exemplars. Here are my comments.

References: Fantastic job with the references! You chose some high quality sources and I love the citation style that you use. It is very clear. As a general rule of thumb, every paragraph should have at least one footnote. You have several paragraphs that don't have any, for example the paragraph about the muchachos de confianza in “Harvesting of rubber.” Also, anytime you have a direct quote, it should be immediately followed by a footnote. You have a few quotes without footnotes, such as “no effective administration or occupation by the Peruvian Government."
Photos and supporting materials: Great job uploading all those photos! They bring the article to life. You have most of them tagged under a Creative Commons license. I'm not real smart on copyright but since all the photos were taken in 1912 or earlier, I think they would actually fall under a public domain license. I also recommend adding the map from Putumayo River so readers can see where the Putumayo is located.
Neutrality: You mentioned neutrality above. I think the best approach is simply to say what happened and avoid using loaded terms. Some words that I think are non-neutral and should be removed are "barbaric", "terrorize", "quisling", and "courageous". Of course, if words like these occur in quotes you keep them, but I would avoid using them in Wikipedia's voice. You've done an excellent job of incorporating quotes into the text.
Prose: I made a few minor copy edits. In my opinion, you overuse colons (:). I recommend replacing most of your colons with commas or periods. A couple examples:

Julio adopted the common practices of the Colombians in the region at the time: who made it their business to enslave and exploit the local natives in exchange for rubber. change to: Julio adopted the common practices of the Colombians in the region at the time, who made it their business to enslave and exploit the local natives in exchange for rubber.

Saldaña was being forced to leave the city: he was tipped off that police were coming to escort him out of Iquitos. change to Saldaña was being forced to leave the city. He was tipped off that police were coming to escort him out of Iquitos. or forced to leave the city because he was tipped off.

Either through manipulation, deceit, or force Arana ruthlessly expanded and consolidated his enterprise. This sentence is not neutral, I recommend revising it.
Muriedas relays that Normand applies 200 lashes or more when the enslaved natives don't arrive with the correct weight of rubber. I recommend changing this to past tense.
Lastly, there's a little bit of repetition. In the Hardenburg section you have On September 22 1909, a small London-based watchdog magazine named Truth ran an article detailing Hardenburg’s experiences in the Putumayo. Then later, In the Casement Report section, you have W. E. Hardenburg wrote a scathing article in the British magazine Truth. The British government in 1910 sent the consul-general Roger Casement to investigate. I think you can remove the information from the casement report section, since it is already covered in the Hardenburg section.

I want to thank you for all your hard work on this wonderful article, and I look forward to reading more of your articles :) If you would like you can let me know once you finish the Carlo Scharff draft and I will review it for you. Cerebellum (talk) 11:15, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

It took me a while to find this page again, however I have made some of the appropriate changes based on your feedback. Thank you very much again. Also, Carlos Scharff is currently published, and awaiting GAN as well as a DYK review. I will post a request for a peer review very shortly! My next project is going to be focused on an American registered rubber company in Peru, or an English registered company in the same region as the former. Arawoke (talk) 01:22, 14 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]