| Toolbox |
|---|
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take the article to FAC in the near future
Thanks, Jonayo! Selena 4 ever 23:53, 21 December 2011 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks as always for your work on Selena related articles, here are some suggestions for improvement.
- No dabs, no dead links, and as you know I think a model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow
- The English is not great - in its current state this would have very little chance at FAC. A few examples follow (not a complete list)
- Written out of jealously and rage, "No me queda más" was written by the lead keyboardist of Selena y Los Dinos, Ricky Vela; who had fallen in love with Selena's sister and drummer of the band, Suzette Quintanilla. 1) Avoid needless repetition ("written" twice in one sentence); 2) the noun is "jealousy" (the word "jealously" is an adverb); 3) the words jealous(l)y and rage are not used anywhere else in the article. Since the lead is not cited, that is a problem. Also the lead is supposed to be a summary of the article and nothing improtant should be in the lead only per WP:LEAD. I also read the section in the body of the article and it does not use synonyms for jealousy and rage; 4) need to provide context and explain that Selena y los Dinos were her band (though this is linked); 5) I would use something like "unrequited love" here; 6) the part that Suzette was the drummer makes the sentence too complicated - not sure it even needs to be in the lead?
- Perhaps something like Ricky Vela, lead keyboardist of the band Selena y Los Dinos, wrote the song based on his unrequited love for Selena's sister Suzette Quintanilla, who was the band's drummer.
- I tried checking ref 1, but it is thumbnail view, so I looked at ref 2. It is used for the sentence "Vela kept his feelings about Suzette to himself until she got married to Billy Arriaga in 1993..." but when I searched the book online there are no missing pages and no mention of Mr. Vela or his feelings for Suzette (there is reference to Ms. Vela who worked at the hotel was Selena was tragicvally murdered).
- This is really a problem - I do not see any indication that the book has pages which cannot be viewed and it seems to be fully searchable. yet there is nothing remotely related to the claim in the source cited. Not only would this be a major problem at FAC, it is consistent with a pattern of sources not always backing up claims in articles you have brought to PR.
- Books should give page numbers to enable someone to find the material in question
- Ref 6 checks out
- Another concern I have is that you have said before that you do not speak Spanish (and even confused it for Italian using Google translator in a previous article I reviewed). This article has 9 refs in Spansih out of a total of 62 (roughly 15%). How do you make sure the material is correct - since at least one ref is to a tv special on Telemundo (which does not lend itself to copying and pasting in Goodle translator) how do we know that is correct?
- Needs a copyedit, but more importantly it needs to be very carefully checked against sources.
- Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:16, 11 January 2012 (UTC)