Nikita Zotov edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I was thinking of possibly getting this article to GA level, and I needed some assistance. I was wondering if a peer reviewer could possibly take a look at it, and see if they could run through it for cohesiveness, flow, grammar, etc. Also, if anyone could assist me in expanding the lead (if need be), that would also be well-appreciated.
Thank you, NW (Talk) 20:16, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is an interesting article and a good start, but it needs more work to reach GA. I made a few minor proofing changes, and here are some suggestions for further improvement.
- I'd suggest adding {{infobox person}} to the upper right-hand corner and filling in as much data there as possible. The "young Peter" image could then be moved into the infobox.
- I disagree that such a thing would be necessary. But that might just be as a result of my conversations with Awadewit, a seasoned FA writer who hates them.
- It might be possible to track down the name of the artist who did the portrait of young Peter and to add this information to the license page at the Commons. I don't read Russian, so I can't help with this, but someone might.
Lead
- MOS:INTRO says in part, "The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." The existing lead touches on all the main points in the article, but it does so in so little detail that a reader who stopped at the end of the lead would not come away with much. I would suggest expanding the lead to include more of the details. Don't go overboard; just flesh things out a bit. You might aim for enough detail to make three paragraphs instead of one.
Peter I of Russia's education
- As long as it doesn't cause confusion, the general guideline with repeated names is to use the full name on first use and then use just the last name thereafter. Thus, Ivan Miloslavsky would just be Miloslavsky on second and subsequent reference.
- There is an entire family of Miloslavskys though; I thought just to be safe...
- "the "semi-invalid eldest surviving son of Maria Miloslavskaya" - The source for this should be cited directly after the end quotation marks.
- ✓ Done
- I find the first paragraph of this section quite confusing. Was Feodor a Naryshkina? If so, why did he invite Miloslavsky back to Moscow? What was the name of the ruling family as opposed to the previous ruling family?
- I tried to see if I could clarify it.
- "The exact year when Peter's tutoring began have ranged widely... " - "Estimates of the exact year" rather than "The exact year"?
- ✓ Done
- I'd suggest trying to work Zotov into the beginning of this section so that the connection between Peter and Zotov is made clear at the outset. As written, the beginning of this section is about Peter and others rather than Zotov.
- "On Zotov's request, the Tsaritsa ordered engravings from the Ordnance Office of "foreign cities and palaces, sailing ships, weapons and historical events"." - The source should be cited immediately after the terminal period.
- ✓ Done
- "Zotov placed this, along with a fairly accurate globe for the time... " - Since "engravings" is plural, "them" rather than "this"? Also, wikilink globe?
- ✓ Done
- Wikilink blacksmith?
- ✓ Done
- "an education that did not meet the necessities of what a future Tsar ought to know" - "tsar" should be lower-cased unless part of a formal title; e.g. Tsar Alexis. Other generic titles such as "president" should also be lower-cased.
- ✓ Done
- "but he gave him a more proper education that the average nobleman would receive... " - "than" rather than "that"?
- ✓ Done
- "Zotov left on a diplomatic mission to the Crimea in 1680, but with contradicting sources, this could be either before or after his tutoring of Peter." - Suggestion: " ...but sources disagree whether this was before or after... ".
- "But after Zotov, Peter would never again have a regular tutor." - Sticking with straight past tense, "never again had" is probably better than "would never again have".
- ✓ Done
- "When Peter left the Kremlin to spend his childhood at Preobrazhenskoye, just two years after Zotov left, his memories of the tutors who had taught his siblings Feodor and Sophia were so negative that he cut himself off from the traditional academic subjects and sought to learn of nature and military matters rather than mathematics, literature, good writing, foreign languages, theology, or philosophy, something that Peter himself would regret in later years." - Too many clauses. Suggestion: "When Peter left the Kremlin to spend his childhood at Preobrazhenskoye, just two years after Zotov left, his memories of the tutors who had taught his siblings Feodor and Sophia were so negative that he cut himself off from the traditional academic subjects. Instead, he sought to learn of nature and military matters rather than mathematics, literature, good writing, foreign languages, theology, or philosophy. In later years, he regretted this choice."
- ✓ Done
- "Zotov disappears from the records of Russian history at this point, but reappears... ". "disappeared" and "reappeared"?
- " ...reappears just twelve years later." - Numbers from 10 and up and generally written as digits rather than words. Exceptions exist, but I don't see any in this article. Some of the ages such as 84 should also appear as digits rather than words.
- ✓ Done
Torture of Streltsy
- "However, Peter still deeply suspected his sister Sophia's involvement... " - More background would be helpful here. What did Sophia have to do with the Streltsy?
- "Zotov and the other boyars" - Wikilink boyars?
- ✓ Done
Relationship with Peter
- The Manual of Style generally frowns upon extremely short sections like this one. Two possible solutions are to expand or to merge with another section.
- I don't believe that it is really possible to expand this section. Any idea on where it could be merged to?
- "made him a count" - Wikilink count?
- ✓ Done
Personal life
- Wikilink monastery?
- ✓ Done
- "and many people were the exact opposite as to what they should have been... " - Suggestion: "and many people behaved exactly opposite the norm... "
- ✓ Done
- "where the Tsar could demonstrate how much power he had" - "through which" rather than "where"?
- ✓ Done
- "During the wedding, the Drunken Synod would routinely go sing carols through the streets of Moscow and demand money ... " - Suggestion: "During the wedding, the Drunken Synod routinely sang carols in the streets of Moscow and demanded money... ".
- ✓ Done
- It appears that Peter mocked and mistreated Zotov late in Zotov's life. Do historians say why? Did Zotov do anything in particular that irritated Peter?
Notes
- Note 1 seems to have only the first of a pair of quotation marks.
- Fixed.
General
- The dabfinder tool that lives here finds two links that go to disambiguation pages rather than to their intended target.
- Pointed to the right places.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:30, 29 July 2009 (UTC)