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Wikipedia:Peer review/Miss Foozie/archive1

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Miss Foozie edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I just created the entire article myself today and I would like to eventually get to featured status.

Thanks, Taric25 (talk) 22:43, 11 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

(I commented earlier at the RfF) Here are some automatic suggestions...
  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]1
  Taric25 is doing... Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done Taric25 (talk) 07:17, 1 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]= 2007,= 2004,= 2009,= 2004,= 2005,= 2007,= 2009,= 2007,= 2002,= 2005,= 2003,= 2004,= 2007,= 2009; April,April,October,January,April,November,November,June,June,August,August,August,November,November
  Done Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.[?]
  Done Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: wasn't, didn't, can't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  Done Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]
  Not sure Is it fine the way it is, or do you have some suggestions? Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done Taric25 (talk) 05:15, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would also reccommend more sources to prove the reliability of the info (not only personal experience) and to ensure her notability.
  Not sure Are you talking about the Origins section? Most of that section comes author Terry Oldes in his memoir A Barrel Full of Monkeys – OR – More Baggage Than Ann Miller Brought On the Love Boat. Oldes is also widely known for Dancing with Tina, a memoir about his fight with crystal meth, very important to the Queer community, which he discussed on the Feast of Fools, and he posted information about the memoir that mentions Miss Foozie in the comments section of his appearance on the Feast of Fools. Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done Taric25 (talk) 05:15, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Plus this link - Chicago Public Radio Run Foozie Run! (info) [chicagopublicradio.org]" may or may not work and social network refs should not be used (ex. facebook, twitter).
  Done I removed the citation from Facebook, and I removed the Chicago Public Radio source as well as the calendar event from chicagopride.com. Those were the only two sources that stated her real name. She sent sent the following message to me.
Per Wikipedia:Biographies of living persons#Privacy of names (WP:BLPNAME), “When deciding whether to include a name, its publication in secondary sources other than news media, such as scholarly journals or the work of recognized experts, should be afforded greater weight than the brief appearance of names in news stories. Consider whether the inclusion of names of private living individuals who are not directly involved in an article's topic adds significant value.” Since I removed the only two sources that have both the subject’s real name and since there are no reliable, secondary sources other than news media that list the subject’s real name, I removed it, and I forwarded the message to OTRS. I replied to Miss Foozie and let her know that I removed it and why, and I asked her if she knows any reliable sources we could use with information about her, such as information about the times she has preformed with celebrities. Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Very good job though! ~ QwerpQwertus ·_Talk_·_Talkback Me_· 05:01, 12 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you very much! Do you think it's appropriate for you to remove {{New unreviewed article}} now, or do you want me to fix the other stuff first? Taric25 (talk) 03:20, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
My Response

Good job!...

  • I don't think it really needs copyediting (that was just an automated suggestion), just expand any contractions. (ex. don't - do not)
  • Probably just generally more references/sources if you want to make sure nobody has a problem with it (since it's a living person), but it seems to have enough.

But very good work - I'll remove the template and reassess it to B-class and auto-fix it for any errors. It may be good-class, however, but you have to apply for that. Thanks! ~ QwerpQwertus ·_Contact Me_·_Talkback_· 04:04, 13 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Just seen the lead section, which reads (born April 1959 (age 51)). Brackets within brackets look complicated and messy. Whilst they are acceptable on occasions, I can't find any other biography on here that uses that style - I reccomend perhaps leaing out her age, and just having her DoB, as appears to be used on most biographies, for example here and here.
      Done Taric25 (talk) 01:29, 21 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might I reccomend seperating the publications section into paragraphs, it's not fantastic having a big chunk of text. Other than that, looks good to me. WackyWace talk to me, people 15:58, 24 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      Done Taric25 (talk) 06:05, 19 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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