Wikipedia:Peer review/Metamorphosis (Hilary Duff album)/archive1

Metamorphosis (Hilary Duff album) edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have been working pretty hard on it on and off for a while and feel as if it's almost ready for a GA nomination, but it's not quite there yet. I'd really appreciate your comments on improvements that can be made.

Thanks you! ℥^nding·start 05:27, 5 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I am aware there are several dead links. I am working on finding replacements for them. ℥^nding·start 05:27, 5 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

HJ comments

Right, I've glanced over this and made a few edits. While I've posted a few specific concerns below, I don't think I can make much progress in copy-editing until there is some copy to edit. The article as it is is just one long daisy chain of quotes, strung together with the odd connective or sentence fragment. I hate to be so negative but, as it is, the prose isn't even up to GA standards. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 01:27, 8 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Opening sentences of the background section need re-writing. I copy-edited them to the extent that they make sense, but it's not good prose atm.
During the same period,—during what period?
Who is Andre Recke?
"I want to do this so bad"—can we paraphrase this instead of including such an inarticulate quote?
who was popular with preteens at the time because of her role in the popular Disney Channel original series Lizzie McGuire—you need to elaborate on her acting earlier
Don't space emdashes.