Wikipedia:Peer review/Loud (Rihanna album)/archive1

Loud (Rihanna album) edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… Myself and Tomica1111 have spent about one month editing our version of Loud in a sandbox and today we have merged it into the actual article. We want a Peer Review because we plan on taking it to GAN, but we want to know if there is anything that needs to be done first to ensure it GAN pass. The version we have done is a massive improvement on what the previous version was, as it has been considerably expanded.

Thanks, Tomica1111 (talk) and Calvin • ⁹⁹⁹ 17:42, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brief comments from Nikkimaria

Don't use contractions outside of quotes
What's a 'contradiction' in British English? Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
A contraction is a word formed by combining two words using an apostrophe. An example of this would be "don't" instead of "do not", or "I'm" instead of "I am". Nikkimaria (talk) 14:45, 2 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
See here for a list of potentially problematic links
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Sound samples should be 10% or less of the total song length
"which featured a prominently foreboding and angry tone with dark themes, with elements of hip hop, rock, and dubstep music genres" - can this be rephrased to avoid the repeated "with"?
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
"Loud focused more on up-tempo and pop related genres, ranging from dance-pop to Electro-R&B, and marks her return to her dancehall roots, which was prominent on her earlier releases Music of the Sun (2005) and A Girl like Me (2006), whilst also incorporating other genres, such as rock in "California King Bed" and reggae in the Carribean inspired "Man Down"." - very long sentence, suggest splitting
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
WP:OVERLINK: don't link very common terms, and don't link the same term multiple times, particularly not in close proximity. For example, you've linked S&M twice in the lead
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
"but that it is normal for Rihanna to have a new, more edgy and angrier style" - I'm not sure I understand this. Is this a natural musical development, a response to her experience with Brown, a new direction for future albums...?
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
I'm not sure that the long list of studios warrants being included. If it's kept, the first comma should be changed to a colon
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
In an interview with MTV regarding the upcoming album Rihanna stated that "she wanted songs with West Indian vibe that just she can do it and not a generic pop record that Kesha or Lady Gaga or Katy Perry could just do and it works. - two points here: is this a direct quote from Rihanna? If so, why is she speaking in the third person; if not, who is speaking? Also, when does the quote end?
Done. I don't know why it was like that, I didn't write that. Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Grammar for the most part isn't bad, but there are some awkward or unclear sentences. You might try reading the article out loud and listen for phrases that you stumble over
"the sixth track on the album is a highlight on the album, together with the next track "Man Down", when it comes to their genres." - not sure I understand this point, given that in the next sentence you say the two are different genres
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
""Man Down" contains a heavy reggae composition" - contains or is?
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
"California King Bed that is a "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"-type power ballad genetically engineered to soundtrack a bi-coastal Kate Hudson rom-com" - grammar, and if this isn't a direct quote it should be reworded for tone
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Try to avoid repeating the "In its nth week" construction in the Commercial section
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Is there an article that explains what "certified platinum" means? As a non-American, non-pop music reader, there are some elements of the article that are less clear to me than to a more "expert" reader
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
"It received positive reviews from music critics, especially for it's chorus and thunderous dance beats" - grammar
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Wikilink Wallonia?
"To further promote the album, Rihanna embarked on her fourth concert tour, the Loud Tour" - when?
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
Not sure the huge list of Production credits is essential, but if it is kept you should spell out and possibly link terms like "A&R"
Ref 1 needs to be formatted
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!
In general, make sure the reference formatting is as consistent as possible and that all of the sources used are reliable.
Done Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon!

This isn't an exhaustive list of comments, but this is a decent article, and GA shouldn't be too difficult with a bit more work. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:58, 2 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Done 95% of things. Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon! 14:26, 2 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]