Wikipedia:Peer review/List of extreme weather records in Pakistan/archive2

List of extreme weather records in Pakistan

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i want to make it better by improving its grammatical mistakes and copyediting, and in near future i will nominate this article for Featured list. Thanks

Nabil rais2008 (talk) 15:41, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: Very informative, but needs further work to bring it to featured class.

Lead needs attention/rewrite

• The lead needs to be a general overview of what is presented in the lists below. It should not simply repeat information that can be read from the lists. For example, the information "The highest temperature ever recorded in Pakistan is 53.5 °C (128.3 °F) which was recorded in Mohenjo-daro, Sindh on 26 May, 2010 it was not only the hottest temperature ever recorded in Pakistan but the hottest reliably measured temperature ever recorded in the continent of Asia" is all recorded in the table. Likewise, "The highest rainfall of 620 millimetres (24 in) was recorded in Islamabad during 24 hours on 24 July, 2001. The record breaking rain fell in just 10 hours. It was the heaviest rainfall in Islamabad in the past 100 years" is exactly repeated in the rainfall chart.
• WP:MOSBEGIN says: "If the page is a list, do not introduce the list as "This is a list of X" or "This list of Xs..." You will need to formulate a different beginning.

Record breaking 2010 summer heat wave

• Again, this section begins with information recorded in the following table

Tables

• Some tidying necessary
  • It might be a good idea to show "Notes" and "References" in separate columns, since I imagine the citation refers to the whole line, not just to the note.

I have made separate columns for references and notes.

Nabil rais2008 (talk) 13:09, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

• • Some of the notes are not clearly written, e.g. in the first table: "Last fifty four years record broken in Multan, before this 49 °C (120 °F) was recorded in 1956" would be clearer if written: "Record temperature in Multan; previous highest 49 °C (120 °F) in 1956".
  • In the second table: "48 °C (118 °F) was recorded on 10 June, 2007". Clarify that this refers specifically to Lahore.
  • Also in this table, "Event also occurred" is strange phrasing. Why not: "This temperature was also recorded..." See also last entry in table.
  • In the third table, "It was the heaviest rainfall in Islamabad in the past 100 years" implies that there were heavier rainfalls 100 0r more years ago. I don't see the point of the statement, since this is at the top of the table, and is self-evidently the highest rainfall recorded in Islamabad or anywhere else in Pakistan.
  • Same table: "Record breaking rainfall, previously 187 millimetres..." Clarify that this refers to a local record. Two similar notes later in table.

Done i have re-written the notes more clearly as you said, check if there is any mistake.

Nabil rais2008 (talk) 13:17, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

Floods

• Write the section in prose, not bullet points.
• The map needs a more informative caption

Notes A and B

• A and B should not be bolded
• It might make sense if these notes appeared immediately after the tables to which they relate, rather than way down here.

Done i have unbolded A and B.

Nabil rais2008 (talk) 13:08, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

I hope these comments are helpful. Please contact my talkpage if you have any queries arising from this review, as I am not watching peer reviews at the moment. Brianboulton (talk) 12:00, 10 October 2010 (UTC)