Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Veronica Mars episodes/archive1

List of Veronica Mars episodes

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because Cornucopia and I have done substantial work to prepare this article for FLC. We'd like more input.

Thanks, Jclemens (talk) 18:54, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments (I am over-nitpicky on purpose, and not all of my comments may be gold - you know the show and the article better than me)

• I always include an external link to IMDb because it is a very convenient link to find out guest stars, to see if the airdates are correct, and what awards episodes got etc.
• The lead is IMO overreferenced, e.g. the first sentence is not controversial at all and thus doesn't need ref'ing

• I removed that ref. Any others? Corn.u.co.pia / Disc.us.sion 05:20, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

• The second sentence would not need a ref if you noted the change of channels in the season lists. After reading the intro again, I see that not having the refs would/could lead to OR accusations, so better leave them in. – sgeureka ^t•c 12:37, 17 October 2008 (UTC)

• I'd use the present tense instead of the past tense in the season summaries in the lead because the episodes still exist, and the summaries still apply (also per WP:WAF#Contextual presentation).

• I fixed some, however there may be some places that I missed. Corn.u.co.pia / Disc.us.sion 05:20, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

• "While a decrease from the first season" - so obvious that it doesn't need repetition; maybe merge the word "decrease" with the previous sentence
• maybe explicitly mention in the first two sentences that the show ran for three seasons (it is implied, yes, but not really mentioned)
• I'd lose the "described as a "critical darling", " because it was already mentioned earlier that the first season was "critically acclaimed"
• "When the hiatus ended, the series" - VM or Pussycat Dolls Present?
• "At the 2007 CW Upfront" - a rough date or "x months later" will be more helpful for the reader than this vague whatever-it-is
• "Thomas stated that he was interested in writing a feature film based on the series, in the interest of ..." - the word "interest" twice
• Michael Ausiello has his own article, so link him
• "He met with Bell" - Ausiello or Thomas?
• "and it would be tough to believe that the FBI stationed Veronica in Neptune" - it is never mentioned before what "Neptune" is (I just know from the AfD) so better add Neptune to the premise information

(more to come tomorrow) – sgeureka ^t•c 20:06, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, I'm more busy in real-life than I expected, and I'll be away on the weekend. I skimmed over the season summaries, and the main problems I see are

• simple past versus simple present per above
• redundance in wording, and repeating the same words like "murder" and "force"

Addressing issues 1 shouldn't be a problem for you. I always point to User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a as a great eye-opener for issue 2, but it takes some time to read through it and to do the exercise part. Instead of my reading through the list and noting possibilities for improvement, I think it's faster for me to read and fix redundant wording in the season summaries as I go, with your watchful eyes on where I mess up with plot or accidently with grammar. But give me a few days for that please. :-) – sgeureka ^t•c 12:37, 17 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey, we're always glad to have the help! Jclemens (talk) 14:24, 17 October 2008 (UTC)