Wikipedia:Peer review/Lincolnshire, Illinois/archive2

Lincolnshire, Illinois

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am aiming to get Lincolnshire, Illinois to featured article status, and have already nominated for WikiProject Chicago A-class review; I'd like as much feedback as I can get, so I can save the FAC reviewers some trouble.

Thanks, Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 04:01, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch's Review

Ruhrfisch comments: As requested, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FAC. While it has improved, it still needs some work before FAC I think.

The most difficult criteria for most articles to reach for FA is that it is written at a professional level of English. I do not think this is there yet. A few examples:
- Lincolnshire is an affluent American village in Vernon Township, a southern Lake County, Illinois locale, and is a suburb of Chicago, which is located in Cook County just to the south. could be something like Lincolnshire is an affluent village in Vernon Township in southern Lake County, in the U.S. state of Illinois. It is a suburb of Chicago, which is in Cook County to the south ... Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:09, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- The Midwest village is a suburb of the city of Chicago, being situated in the southern reaches of Lake County, and therefore located in the extreme northeast of the state of Illinois. could be something like The village is a suburb of Chicago in the southern reaches of Lake County, which is in the extreme northeast of Illinois in the American Midwest. Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:09, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

According to the United States Census Bureau, the village has a total area of 4.4 square miles (11.5 km²), of which, 4.4 square miles (11.4 km²) of it is land and 0.04 square miles (0.1 km²) of it (0.68%) is water. this needs a ref, also is a one sentence paragraph, as is the one before it. Short paragraphs (1 or 2 sentences) should be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve the flow of the article.
Question I think I've fixed it. However, the coordinate sentence, in my honest opinion, cannot really be incorporated effectively into the rest of the section. What's your opinion? --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:10, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I would look at some model articles - Youngstown, Ohio is an FA, for example. I thought the coordinate sentence could be the first sentence of the first paragraph (combine it with the current second paragraph). If this follows the Youngstown model, that would also address Tony's comment below. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:05, 12 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 22:40, 12 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The infobox picture is very similar to the image later Image:Lincolnshire IL Village Hall 2.JPG - I would avoid two very similar pics.
Should I just place the pic located in the infobox down there, instead? There's got to be a better way to solve the problem. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 23:59, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I would put the picture you think best illustrates the village in the infobox, and perhaps a picture of the fire department or some other service in the spot where the second city hall pic is now. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:35, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

~~Avoid words like currently, give date instead "As of 2008..."~~ Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 23:59, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Book refs need more info, so fix Various authors: "Lincolnshire Information Report", A History of Lincolnshire, 2004. What is the publisher, for example? See WP:CITE
Maybe Done I don't know how I can rephrase it in any other way. I may have fixed it, but really, not more information about the source can be added. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:25, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:21, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

~~Thanks for all your help, Ruhrfisch. I have just one last question, beyond all the others in this peer review session, to ask you.~~
Do you know any good, faithful copyeditors? I have already asked most of the people on the page before for copyedits, and they either haven't responded to me, left me early, or took a really long time. I don't have much luck in that sector. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:30, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I do not have any for sure ones. Another place to look is at the old WP:LOCE - the group is defunct, but the editors listed there might help with a copyedit. ~~I also noted that the subsections in the History section could perhaps be renamed per WP:HEAD (avoid repeating "History" in subsection titles in the History section).~~ What about adding dates, or Founding and Modern era? Another small detail to watch for - refs should be in numerical order. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:05, 12 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
TonyTheTiger's Review
edit
~~Can you add a {{Geographic Location}} template at the bottom so I can tell which towns are adjacent to it?~~
Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 23:56, 10 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Why is nothing showing in the north and south positions. It is O.K. to repeat a location.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:28, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done The borders of Lincolnshire are divyed up in a funny way, but I did the best I could,I guess. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 04:04, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

~~The WP:LEAD has some details that don't belong such as:~~
~~many of these parks contain tennis courts and other sports facilities~~

~~It also experiences a humid temperate climate similar to most other communities within miles of the Great Lakes.~~

Examples Done --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 00:03, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Early history should be sequential with 1673 events preceding 1768 ones.
Possibly Done What's your opinion on the reordering I put in place? --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 00:12, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"the town was a thriving community with a blacksmith's shop, sawmill, country store, and a church". - How about a population estimate.
Comment I could if I would...there aren't many sources on Lincolnshire's history, Internet or otherwise. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 23:53, 10 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Did anything happen between 1855 and the end of WWI?
Comment Ditto from above. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 23:53, 10 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Any demographics on double income families?
Comment I couldn't find anything on either the Lincolnshire website or on the US Census Bureau compilations. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 03:07, 13 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

How big are the companies in the economy section either in terms of employees or revenues?
Question I don't mean to sound indignant, but how would this relate to the village? It seems like something that'd describe the companies themselves. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 00:14, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Suppose X company employs 1000, 300 residents of the county and 100 from Lincolnshire itself. That would be relevant.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:30, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I can't really find any info on employee demographics, but maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places... --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 16:41, 15 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

~~Are any of the parks state parks or are they all local?~~
Clarified They are all local. --Starstriker7(^{Dime algo}_{or see my works}) 00:00, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:00, 10 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]