Wikipedia:Peer review/John J. Crittenden/archive1

John J. Crittenden edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've finally finished my rewrite of this article. The subject was an influential U.S. politician for four decades, holding many state and national offices. Ordinarily, I would list the article for GA, but the backlog there is massive, and a review probably wouldn't occur for more than a month. That will put it after the birth of my first child, which I suspect will compromise my ability to respond promptly to the review. Instead, I'd like to solicit (hopefully) more immediate feedback here now, then make a GA or FA run after things settle down again (if they ever do!) Acdixon ^{(talk • contribs • count)} 18:20, 4 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I've gotten an offer from another user to GA review this article over the weekend. Any feedback is still appreciated, as I may one day try and take this article to FA. Acdixon ^{(talk • contribs • count)} 15:52, 8 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments added by Panyd^{The muffin is not subtle} 17:40, 10 October 2010 (UTC)'[reply]

I honestly can't find anything wrong with this article. I'm sure someone else can, but I just wanted to leave a note to say good job!

Thanks, Panyd! Your comment is much appreciated. Acdixon ^{(talk • contribs • count)} 11:36, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I see this is now a GA but did not really receive any PR comments, so here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FAC.

United States is generally not linked in articles like this - lead After the expiration of his term as attorney general, he was again elected to the U.S. Senate, where he urged compromise on the issue of slavery in order to prevent the breakup of the United States.
It might be helpful to say it was the Revolutionary War in His father had surveyed land in Kentucky with George Rogers Clark, and he settled on the land just after the end of the war.
Since the sons who were generals had their countries identified, it might help to give some indication of the country or timescale for the admiral grandson in Daughter Sallie Lee "Maria" Crittenden was the mother of Rear Admiral John C. Watson.[14] Either say US Navy or give the years of his service
Would it help to remind to remind the reader that Crittenden first studied law with Bibb in In 1814, Governor Shelby appointed Crittenden to fill the U.S. Senate seat vacated by George M. Bibb; ...?
Watch for places where the text can be tightened, for example ~~In his capacity a~~[A]s speaker, Crittenden presided over a particularly tumultuous time in the legislature.
Since US Senators are now popularly elected and since the Kentucky General Assembly has both a House and Senate, would it make sense to add US here: When the [US] Senate term of Martin D. Hardin, one of Slaughter's unpopular nominees, ...
In Legislative interim, would it make sense to say that Frankfort is the capital of Kentucky (since he moved there)?
In the Old Court – New Court controversy section, I would use the {{Main}} template rather than see also
I would also give a brief sumamry of the controversy - I know it is linked, but if it could be summarized here in one or two sentences, that would provide constext to the reader
First in Kentucky or first in the nation? On July 4, 1834, he called to order the first organizational meeting of the party at Cove Spring, Kentucky.
"virtual lock" seems like slang - could more encylcopedic language be used? Crittenden was re-elected to the Senate in 1840 even though he was a virtual lock for a position in Harrison's presidential cabinet.
Unclear sentence He opposed giving states the option to forgo apportionment, allowing them to elect their congressmen at-large. would instead make it something like He opposed giving states the option to forgo apportionment, which would have allowed them to elect their congressmen at-large.
I would add "and death" to the section title "Service in the House of Representatives"
More tightening The town of Crittenden, Kentucky and Crittenden County, Kentucky are named for him. could be In Kentucky, the town of Crittenden and Crittenden County are named for him.
References need more consistent and complete information. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog. I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 18:47, 25 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]