Javon Ringer edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I've worked really hard on it to get it where it is now, and want to see what else i can do to improve it.
Thanks, - -' The Spook (TALK) (Share the Love with Barnstars) 21:02, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
- I skimmed the article first, and here's my original conclusions. The by-year subheadings under college all either need to be merged, or expanded. They're too short to have individual sections. I really don't see the needs for the quotes, they seems to add no ency. value to the article.
- After reading the article completely my comments are, in addition to the above: Dates shouldn't be linked WP:MoS#Dates. I didn't check your sources, but words like "unselfish" come off kind of peacocky. The personal section is a bit choppy, and could probably be expanded I'd also recommend changing it to "Personal life"; but that's more from other FA bios I've read and I don't think a style issue. Check for capitalization issues like "187.9 yard per Game", there's a lot of them. Instead of "Ringer tore his ACL and his 'shaky grades' and a low ACT score" try to use transitional words for a better flow. Don't break into a paragraph unless you can atleast 5 sentences out of it. One sentence "paragraphs" should be mreged into another paragraph. Don't forget articles, ie :"The Walter Camp Award". Check your wikisyntax, there are some unclosed italics. When speaking of specific colleges use their entire name or official abbreviation; ie I don't know which "California" he played without clicking the link. Double check your punctuation. "carries," is an example. Scan for excessive/accidental characters ">". 2000-2001 needs an mdash. Type out words instead of using & and Div. Please get rid of the quotes, the make it seem like you don't have a NPOV. Also, ringer23.com is not a 3rd party reliable source (See WP:SELFPUB. Other than that the article looks promising. If you'd like another review in the future feel free to hit me up on my talkpage. I'll run a scan with WP:AWB to get some general errors fixed. Keep it up. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 21:12, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
- Comment: I don't think Ringer23.com falls under WP:SELFPUB because i don't think it's run by Ringer.. I beleive it's run by the Michigan state athletic department, because it links from his MSU Spartans bio to there, and vice versa, but no contact information on it is available. - -' The Spook (TALK) (Share the Love with Barnstars) 22:27, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
- My apologies for not doing an appropriate WHOIS before making an assumption. You're correct in that fact the MSU runs it. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 22:33, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
- haha, that was a total guess on my part, and it turned out to be right. I'll start to work on fixing up the article. Once worked on, do you think it would have Good article criteria? - -' The Spook (TALK) (Share the Love with Barnstars) 22:49, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
- Comment: I don't think Ringer23.com falls under WP:SELFPUB because i don't think it's run by Ringer.. I beleive it's run by the Michigan state athletic department, because it links from his MSU Spartans bio to there, and vice versa, but no contact information on it is available. - -' The Spook (TALK) (Share the Love with Barnstars) 22:27, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
- After reading the article completely my comments are, in addition to the above: Dates shouldn't be linked WP:MoS#Dates. I didn't check your sources, but words like "unselfish" come off kind of peacocky. The personal section is a bit choppy, and could probably be expanded I'd also recommend changing it to "Personal life"; but that's more from other FA bios I've read and I don't think a style issue. Check for capitalization issues like "187.9 yard per Game", there's a lot of them. Instead of "Ringer tore his ACL and his 'shaky grades' and a low ACT score" try to use transitional words for a better flow. Don't break into a paragraph unless you can atleast 5 sentences out of it. One sentence "paragraphs" should be mreged into another paragraph. Don't forget articles, ie :"The Walter Camp Award". Check your wikisyntax, there are some unclosed italics. When speaking of specific colleges use their entire name or official abbreviation; ie I don't know which "California" he played without clicking the link. Double check your punctuation. "carries," is an example. Scan for excessive/accidental characters ">". 2000-2001 needs an mdash. Type out words instead of using & and Div. Please get rid of the quotes, the make it seem like you don't have a NPOV. Also, ringer23.com is not a 3rd party reliable source (See WP:SELFPUB. Other than that the article looks promising. If you'd like another review in the future feel free to hit me up on my talkpage. I'll run a scan with WP:AWB to get some general errors fixed. Keep it up. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 21:12, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
I think there's a good chance. Also, I forgot to mention that numbers and their units (yards, Telsa, etc.) need a nonbreaking whitespace. IE 44 yards. I also updated the auto-peer review, so the program can take a look at its current state. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 22:10, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
- I would also recommend moving the {{Infobox NFLactive}} into a user subpage and removing it from the article. Articles should be able to be easily edited by new editors and the last thing you want is for someone to make that infobox visible. It being there as it is almost feels a bit crystally. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 22:23, 13 November 2008 (UTC)