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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've become obsessed by it (now, now, no tittering at the back), and I want it to be the best that it can be. I don't think I've ever asked for a peer review before, which perhaps shows the extent of my obsession and my nervousness about taking this to FAC.
Malleus Fatuorum 00:49, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)
- You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the article with that in mind. I reviewed the article as I would at FAC.
- The last sentence of the first paragraph of the lead is incredibly long. Suggest perhaps breaking down to "Ancient custom and law, perhaps dating back to Anglo-Saxon times, gave the Lord of the Manor of Wakefield – which included the town of Halifax – the authority to try and summarily execute thieves caught in his jurisdiction. The thief would be decapitated, and the only limitation was that if the value of the goods that the thief was either caught with or confessed to having had to be under the value of 13½ pence, equivalent to about £5.40 as of 2008" Just a suggestion, however. (I tried to keep the commas out!)
- Sentence split and shortened. Hopefully it's better now. Malleus Fatuorum 00:19, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- Better, but it's still not perfect .. the very short choppy sentence about the manor is ... choppy. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- I've had another go at it, hopefully it's better now. Malleus Fatuorum 21:01, 20 May 2011 (UTC)
- Better, but it's still not perfect .. the very short choppy sentence about the manor is ... choppy. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- Sentence split and shortened. Hopefully it's better now. Malleus Fatuorum 00:19, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- "Almost 100 felons were beheaded between the time of the first recorded execution in 1286 and the last in 1650." Okay, I'm confused - you say 1286 here, but the gibbet is from the 16th through 1650 in the first sentence??? Logical inconsistency here.
- I've expanded a bit to try and clarify. The first decapitation was recorded in 1286, not the first use of the gibbet. Malleus Fatuorum 23:58, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- Much better. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- I've expanded a bit to try and clarify. The first decapitation was recorded in 1286, not the first use of the gibbet. Malleus Fatuorum 23:58, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- "The punishment could only be meted out to those within the confines of the Forest of Hardwick, of which Halifax was a part, and the boundary of which was about 500 yards (460 m) from one side of the gibbet." seems awkward to me, perhaps rephrase?
- Rewritten as: "The punishment could only be meted out to those within the confines of the Forest of Hardwick, of which Halifax was a part. The gibbet was about 500 yards (460 m) from the boundary of the area, and if the condemned person succeeded in escaping from the forest then he could not legally be brought back to face his punishment." Malleus Fatuorum 23:11, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- Better! Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- Rewritten as: "The punishment could only be meted out to those within the confines of the Forest of Hardwick, of which Halifax was a part. The gibbet was about 500 yards (460 m) from the boundary of the area, and if the condemned person succeeded in escaping from the forest then he could not legally be brought back to face his punishment." Malleus Fatuorum 23:11, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- "Defoe wrote a detailed account of what he had been..." I assume Daniel Defoe? Link?
- Daniel Defoe indeed, now linked. Malleus Fatuorum 23:11, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- "Early historians argued that the area's prosperity attracted..." let's give a time frame rather than "early"... that could mean Tacitus, after all.
- Changed to "eighteenth-century historians". Malleus Fatuorum 00:30, 19 May 2011 (UTC)
- "Robert Holt on the other hand..." Robert? It's James, not Robert!!!
- I'm terrible with names! Fixed. Malleus Fatuorum 22:51, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- Who said "the Party injured to have his Goods restored to him again, with as little loss and damage, as can be contrived; to the great Encouragement of the Honest and Industrious, and as great Terror to the Wicked and Evil-doers."? I doubt, given that capitilzation, that it was HOlt...
- Holt was quoting from Midgeley/Bentley, so I've reattributed that quotation to them. Malleus Fatuorum 23:23, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- There are two curly brackets hanging out in the next to last paragraph of History... not sure how to fix them or where they should be.
- The last sentence of the first paragraph of the lead is incredibly long. Suggest perhaps breaking down to "Ancient custom and law, perhaps dating back to Anglo-Saxon times, gave the Lord of the Manor of Wakefield – which included the town of Halifax – the authority to try and summarily execute thieves caught in his jurisdiction. The thief would be decapitated, and the only limitation was that if the value of the goods that the thief was either caught with or confessed to having had to be under the value of 13½ pence, equivalent to about £5.40 as of 2008" Just a suggestion, however. (I tried to keep the commas out!)
- Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 21:38, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
- Looks like you got everything I noticed. Of course, I'm sure there is stuff I didn't notice. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 19 May 2011 (UTC)