HMS Alceste (1806) edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because I am considering nominating for FA status. Therefore any comments welcome on all aspects. Thanks, Ykraps (talk) 16:54, 20 July 2016 (UTC)
- Comments:
- Unless there is a controversial fact, there's no need to put two of the same cite in a row. The error looks like this: "The Sun is one solar mass.[1] It is a yellow dwarf star.[1]"
- Adding alt text would be nice, but isn't required for FAC.
- All contractions (like couldn't and hadn't) should be expanded.
- "Alceste was a little undermanned" could be a grammatical error. (in Fate)
- "...and make off." Shouldn't it be "...and took off" (in lead)
- I was going to say that make off and take off mean the same where I hail from but I get the feeling you're saying it should be in the past tense. I don't think so because we are talking about what Cochrane did at the time (the present for him). If we ignore the middle of the sentence, we are saying he managed to take off, not he managed to took off. By the same token we cannot say that he managed to freed his ship.--Ykraps (talk) 17:09, 22 July 2016 (UTC)
- Link: Pensacola, jib-boom, spritsail and stunsail.
- I suggest you send to MILHIST A-class review. It makes the jump to FA much easier. (merely a suggestion)--Tomandjerry311 (need to talk?) 15:06, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
- Comments from Iazyges
- "having spotted French reinforcements arriving, " Which ones? What ships?
- In lead paragraph it labels her as a 38 gun frigate, in construction it calls her 14/40, what gives? "When first fitted out, Minerve carried twenty-eight 18 pounders (8.2 kg) as her main battery, fourteen 32 pounders (15 kg) carronades on her quarter-deck, while her forecastle had two 9 pounders (4.1 kg) long guns and two 32 pounders (15 kg) carronades.[1]" Could have butchered my math but that sounds like 36 guns.
- I think I'm right in saying, although I'm struggling to find a source, that Armide frigates were originally rated as 38-40 guns until 1817 when they were re-rated as 44-46 guns. This is because prior to that, cannonades were only counted if they were replacements for long guns. In addition, the number of guns carried, which was always subject to change, didn't always match the rating. I was considering a footnote but as I said, I'm having trouble finding a source so perhaps, in the meantime, it's better to remove the rating figure altogether.--Ykraps (talk) 07:02, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
- "In April 1806 Minerve was commanded by Capitaine Jaques Collet" is their a link to the captain?
- "and four smaller vessels," Which are?
- The smaller vessels were three brig-corvettes; Lynx, Sylph, and Palinure, and the fourth was a ship-corvette which as yet I've not been able to identify. I think it would be odd to name the four small vessels but not the five ships-of-the-line and five frigates. I'll have a think about some sort of footnote.--Ykraps (talk) 08:24, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
- "allas then unleashed a devastating broadside.[6] Both ships were badly" I feel that those two paragraphs would be better suited as 1.
- "On 22 May, Alceste encountered some French feluccas" Perhaps a description as to what a felucca is?
- "assuming Alceste had gone to attend to some other business," seems too casual to be encyclopedic.
- It lists the feluccas as some to begin with but then says they captured 4 of them, perhaps they should say "More than 4" rather than some?
- "The British lost one man killed and two wounded in the action.[12]" could be better worded.
- "that destroyed a French 18-gun brig.[13] " any idea what brig it was?
- "when word was received of a similar size French squadron heading north." Shouldn't it be similar sized?
- "The frigates contained more than 200 cannon," Did they contain them as armament or cargo?
- As cargo for use by the French Army at Trieste. I've tried to make that clear by using words like "transported", and "contained" but obviously not clear enough. In addition a frigate would never be armed with that many guns. Even the largest ships-of-the-line only had just over a hundred. I'll have a think.--Ykraps (talk) 09:45, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
- ...and shouldn't it be cannons not cannon?
End of constructive critism. Iazyges (talk) 04:13, 10 August 2016 (UTC) @Ykraps:
Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)
- This would be a good one to bring to FAC, I think. A-class would work as well.
- Please, please learn how to use commas to give the reader a clue where the main break in a sentence is. You tend to put them everywhere except at the main break. For examples, look at the copyediting I did for you in your most recent FAC. The first problem in this article is in the third sentence: "the ships became entangled and ran aground but Cochrane, having". I'm guessing there will be more.
- I’m not sure what you’re objecting to there. That is one of a pair of parenthetical commas, enclosing a piece of additional information. The sentence reads, “…but Cochrane (having spotted French reinforcements arriving) managed to free his ship and take off”. If you are desperate to lose a comma there, you could flip the sentence, “…but Cochrane managed to free his ship and take off, having spotted French reinforcements arriving”. Or do you mean something else?--Ykraps (talk) 12:24, 23 August 2016 (UTC)
- I did a little copyediting, but I want to start fresh when it gets to FAC. Best of luck. - Dank (push to talk) 18:25, 22 August 2016 (UTC)