Wikipedia:Peer review/Gery Chico/archive1

Gery Chico edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it failed its first GAN, and I would like to take it back to GAN soon. But before I do so, I'd like to have an unbiased editor to review all aspects of this article, especially its neutrality, since I have a declared conflict of interest, as discussed on the first GAN.

Thanks, Geread (talk) 17:04, 14 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Doing... Here are some ideas on how to improve the article:

The first paragraph of the lead, and particularly the very first sentence, should focus on that which makes Chico notable. Why should we care about his mixed heritage if we don't even know who this guy is?
"Gery also did chores at the church rectory where his mom worked as cook, and also worked at his dad's printing business and gas station" Avoid using "also" multiple times in a single sentence.
"A political science major, he volunteered in the 11th Ward." What is the 11th Ward? Perhaps this phrase would be recognizable to locals, but I have no idea what it refers to.
What is an "externship"?
Avoid one-sentence paragraphs, such as the one at the end of Legal career. These paragraphs should either be merged into existing paragraphs or expanded.
The article would benefit from an image or two. Since Chico served on the Chicago Park District board, I would think images of Chicago parks (and schools) would be appropriate for inclusion.

I won't be watching this page, but feel free to drop a note on my talk page if you need clarification. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:31, 19 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]