Wikipedia:Peer review/Geelong, Victoria/archive1
Geelong, Victoria edit
I've listed this article for peer review because I have finally finished and expanding the history section on the City. I also feel that it covers all relevant aspects of the city.
Thanks,
Wongm (talk) 14:19, 10 December 2007 (UTC)
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 02:39, 11 December 2007 (UTC)
Comments by Ilse@ edit
- I think that the history section is too long for the main article, and should be something like five paragraphs, instead of seven subsections. This would also shorten the very long table of contents. I think the current history section should be moved to the separate article History of Geelong. – Ilse@ 15:45, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
I believe the sections 'Notable people from Geelong','Sister cities', and 'See also' should be removed from the article.The politics section could be expanded with some information about the sister cities, the city government, and information about the mayor(s).– Ilse@ 15:52, 14 December 2007 (UTC)The references should be formatted consistently, including a retrieved-date.– Ilse@ 15:54, 14 December 2007 (UTC)For several sections there are no references; these should be added.– Ilse@ 15:57, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
- I have expanded the politics to cover local government, just linked to the category 'people from Geelong' and deleted the section, and fixed up the reference formatting, and added some. Thanks for the ideas so far. Wongm (talk) 11:15, 16 December 2007 (UTC)
Comments by Mattinbgn edit
- The lead needs expanding. See WP:LEAD for some tips.
The infobox needs completing - electorates, distance to Melbourne, climate and elevation.I would move the history section below the geography sectionThe last two sub sections in history are choppy. Consider combining into paragraphs.A reference is needed for Pyramid Building Society."is larger than the other major Australian cities of Hobart, Darwin, Cairns and Townsville." I would change this to read, "According the Australian Bureau of Statistics, at [year], Geelong was the nth biggest city in Australia." with a source. See List of cities in Australia by population for some ideas.I would ease off on the historical images. To my mind they are making the article look cluttered.The heading 1900s Now As a city - fix capitalisation in the heading.Demographics - some socio-economic material may be useful. Is Geelong a working-class city? I would expand on the ethnic make up of the city. What has been the contribution of the Croatian community to Geelong, for example? The marital status material looks superfluous, unless it is somehow different than elsewhere in Australia. Is Geelong growing, shrinking, ageing?Geography - needs referencing. Some details on the layout of the city would be useful; where are the industrial, commercial and residential precincts? where is the growth happening? Has there been renewal in the inner city?Climate - a table may be useful, similar to the one at Wagga Wagga, New South Wales. Could possibly be a subsection of geography.Education - needs referencing. When was Deakin University founded?Transport - under-referenced. I would compress the transport section, removing the sub headings and much of the detail about train services. Link to rail lines where that information is better shown. I would also lose the {{main}} links as the links in the body of the article should be sufficient.Geelong in film - pick a few and write as prose.Media - remove sub sections.The sport section is choppy; try and combine into paragraphs if possible. It also needs referencing.Visitor attractions - de-listify and write as prose.
The article has some potential and the history section is thorough, although it could do with a tidy as mentioned. The article as a whole does need considerable work. Good luck and let me know if you need a hand. Cheers, Mattinbgn\talk 12:03, 16 December 2007 (UTC)