Wikipedia:Peer review/Foreign aid for gender equality in Jordan/archive1

Foreign aid for gender equality in Jordan edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to know how I can make it complete enough to satisfy a serious student or researcher. Thus I want to know if the article provides a complete picture of how the field of "gender equality" funding in Jordan is being addressed as well as connects to the broader picture of development aid in Jordan.

Thanks, D.Thompson (talk) 06:25, 15 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

This has been here long enough. I'll print it out and take a look. Daniel Case (talk) 23:54, 25 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

OK ... sorry it took so long, but as you can see I did a light copy edit that addressed some issues, particular some areas where the English still has a non-native feel (i.e. unusual prepositions used, the definite article used where I, as a native speaker, would not).

Some more specific issues:

As noted by the tag, the intro is far too short even for what the article has become. It reads as if it were still the stub. As you expand an article you must also expand the intro to reflect the expansion.
Generally the prose, my efforts at copyediting notwithstanding, still has a very dry institutional feel to it, more appropriate to what the entities might write in their annual reports or on their websites. Rewrite it to make it more what we expect an encyclopedia article for the general population to sound like.
- You need also to decide whether you will use US or Commonwealth spellings. Most of the spellings ("labour") and usage ("whilst") suggest the latter, which is actually what you'd expect in this context. However, about 12 times by my browser's "find" count, the article uses "organization", with a minority of "organisation". Not all of those are in proper names. One or the other.
You might want to subdivide the programs section into governmental and non-governmental ones.
Lastly it would be nice to see what results the various programs have gotten, and what reaction this might have stirred up domestically in Jordan. Have the agencies reported on this? Have the sort of news agencies that cover this sort of thing? (Independent sourcing would be great).

I hope this is helpful. Daniel Case (talk) 23:39, 7 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]