Wikipedia:Peer review/Florence Petty/archive1

Florence Petty

I've listed this article for peer review because Florence Petty was an interesting individual who spent her time trying to improve the lot of others through food. I’m mulling over a possible visit to FAC after this, but I’m not 100 per cent sure yet; any thoughts people have on that step would be most welcome. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 14:44, 28 May 2023 (UTC)

Comments from TR

You told me you were in two minds about whether the article is substantial enough for FAC. Well, at less than 1,000 words it's certainly on the short side for an FA, but if that's all there is to be said, that's all you should attempt to say: the ODNB article is not much longer (1193 words). Your impressive list of sources shows how diligent you have been in seeking out material on your subject. I suggest you shouldn't hesitate to take the article to FAC.

As to your text:

• "of Somers Town, north west London": north west? As it has an NW1 postcode I suppose I can't object, but to me "north London" would give a better idea where it is (i.e. round the back of where we had lunch the other week).
• "Blake Perkins, Petty's biographer at the Dictionary of National Biography" – two points here. First "at" seems a strange pronoun. One might expect "in". And secondly the Dictionary of National Biography isn't the same as the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography, and Perkin's article is in the latter.
• "In 1910 the St Pancras School for Mothers published an account of their work" – but it was singular – "which was active" – at previous mention
• "Ever practical with advice" – a bit editorial
• "Petty included instructions to make an oven" – reads a little oddly: perhaps "instructions for making..."? (and incidentally and purely for the pleasure of it, cf. p. 5 of Mrs D's Is there a Nutmeg in the House?)

That's all from me. Tim riley talk 12:31, 7 June 2023 (UTC)

• A rather belated thank you for this, Tim, for which my apologies. I didn't add the review to my watchlist, so didn't see these comments coming in. Thanks as always for them, they are very much tetigisti-ing the rem acu. - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 19 June 2023 (UTC)

Comments from Mike Christie

Looks very clean to me, and I see no reason not to take this to FAC. A couple of minor comments:

• "Petty ran cookery demonstrations to working-class women": "for working-class women" would sound a bit more natural to my ear, though I don't think the current wording is actually wrong. "To" would work with "demonstrated" as the verb, but I don't think it works well with "ran".
• "works aimed at fellow social workers": I can see why she might be described as a social worker, but the lead sentence doesn't do so, despite this phrase. Perhaps it should?

• I've re-worded this slightly. Although she was undoubtedly involved in what we think of as social work, "social worker" to the modern ear seems to suggest a specific role that didn't have an equivalent then. - SchroCat (talk) 08:18, 19 June 2023 (UTC)

• "they made suet puddings—plain sweet and meat—until the women began to show pride in their ability to cook": is "plain sweet and meat" a list of three types of suet pudding that might be cooked? If so I think a comma after "plain" would help the reader parse the list.
• "Perkins notes that she was a popular broadcaster with the listeners." Suggest "Perkins notes that her broadcasts were popular with listeners", though I'm not sure we really need "with listeners" -- who else would they have been popular with? Or does Perkins give more details?

These are just nits, and none of them would stop me supporting if at FAC. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:23, 18 June 2023 (UTC)

Thanks Mike, these are great. All done. Cheers. - SchroCat (talk) 08:18, 19 June 2023 (UTC)

Comments from HAL

• Alt text is needed.
• Since we no longer have the TOC box, there is a minor sandwiching issue with the lead image and the following one. It doesn't bother me, but someone will likely complain at FAC.
• For the sake of concision: "managing the household" --> "household management" or "home management". Feel free to disregard.
• "Lecturer and Demonstrator" --> Is this British English capitalization? The later "secretary of the National Food Reform Association" is not capitalized, for instance.
  • I've clarified this slightly and put it in inverted commas, as it's how she described herself. I think this is probably OK (per MOS:PEOPLETITLES), but our guidelines on capitalisation are often contradictory, so I don't know. - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 5 July 2023 (UTC)
• "She was employed as a Lecturer and Demonstrator in Health Foods, although her students nicknamed her "The Pudding Lady" because in an attempt to get the women in the habit of cooking regularly using familiar and inexpensive ingredients, for the first three months of her demonstrations they made suet puddings—plain, sweet and meat—until the women began to show pride in their ability to cook" is a bit longwinded
  • I've dropped in a colon: does that work for you, or should we go with a break in the sentence? - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 5 July 2023 (UTC)
    • That'll do. ~ HAL333 12:12, 5 July 2023 (UTC)
• I would link Haybox
  • Done on the first mention already! - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 5 July 2023 (UTC)

That's all I got. Looks set for FAC. ~ HAL333 19:08, 4 July 2023 (UTC)

Thanks Hal. Mostly done, but I'll add the alt text in a bit - it's the point that always slips my mind. - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 5 July 2023 (UTC)