Wikipedia:Peer review/Extraordinary Machine/archive1

Extraordinary Machine edit

As you can judge from my username, the subject of this article is one I have a strong interest in, but after pouring over countless media articles related to this album, WikiProject Album guidelines, featured articles about musical compositions (including Smile, the only FA about an album), and re-reading the article itself over and over again, my mind seems to have gone blank. The article has tripled in size since I started expanding and rewriting it, and there's certainly more to come in the next few weeks, for reasons you'll find when you read it. An outside view of this article would be greatly appreciated, especially since I might consider nominating at WP:FAC in a couple of months. Thank you in advance. Extraordinary Machine 03:28, 4 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Sweet crackers! That's quite the story. Consider using parallel lists for the Track listings, like this. I have been trying to figure out how to do this for awhile now but User:Cloveious's List of Northwest Territories general elections has provided a great template. --maclean25 05:20, 4 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for making the track listings look like that! I didn't know lists could be inserted side by side like that. I agree, it takes up less space in the article, and doesn't leave large blank portions to the right of the page. I've separated the track listing and personnel lists into two sections, though, so that they are both accessible through the table of contents. Once again, thank you! I'll integrate the changes into the article now. Extraordinary Machine 14:23, 4 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Well, you helped Everyking out with Autobiography so I feel I owe you :) ...

Try making the track listings and personal sections more like most of the other albums like Ashlee Simpson's Autobiography.
In addition, you use the same album cover image twice in the article... I'm not sure if that's covered under fair use, I'd check that out. (in addition, I think finding a replacement image would help the article too)
There are a LOT of red links in the article.... try to cut out most of them and just have them in normally...
Waay too many quotes! It makes the article hard to read for some people. Try to summerise/use prose for a lot of them instead :).
I see a lot of sentences in there that could be rearranged for better readabily and some sentences that verge on being a run-on.... in general try not to have too many thoughts in one sentence
Embedded links - you've already got a references/notes combo. All links should be in either of those two sections - none should be inlined if you want to go this route :).
" begged Brion, whose five-year relationship with comedienne Mary Lynn Rajskub had abruptly ended during the shooting of her film Punch-Drunk Love (2002)," Many things like this in the article.... interesting tidbits but really "who had just broke up with his girlfriend, for example, is sufficient enough for people who are not fiona :). Also, try to relate this accesory information to the album as much as possible and avoid making these seem like a side note.

Have fun! 67.185.103.222 10:44, 5 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your reply, although I should point out that I have only made small edits to Autobiography.
1. maclean25 converted the track listings and personnel lists into parallel tables because, as the normal album article format created a lot of white space on the right side of the page.
2. The second album cover is a slightly different version of the one in the infobox (it's the original version). I thought it would have some historical significance in the future, so I kept it in. Anyway, I've added fair use rationale to all the images except Image:Fionaappleextramachine.gif, which will probably be replaced with something else.
3. I'll remove some of the red links.
4. I actually think quotes liven up the article, instead of justing making it a timeline of events leading up to the album's release. I think readers of the article might be interested in what Apple, Jon Brion, the press etc. thought about the status of the album at different times. However, I appreciate this suggestion in particular, and will take another look at the article.
5. I'll also look over the article for "run-on" sentences.
6. I just thought that people shouldn't have to scroll down to the bottom of the article for a link to the Free Fiona website or Apple's official website, particularly as the album's release is approaching. I'll probably change them to ref/note format after the album has been released, though.
7. The Brion/Punch-Drunk Love mention is important because apparently he was saddened at having to see his ex-girlfriend over and over again while working on the film. Personally, I think the article is about as detailed as Smile, although I'll see what I can do.

Once again, thanks for your comments. Extraordinary Machine 17:53, 5 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The above anon was me. Anyway I think this is good enough to skip past the peer review here and go straight to FAC. You might get nailed on the excessive quoting though (that's the only real thing I'm worried about). Ryan Norton ^{T | @ | C} 17:05, 6 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Also by getting rid of quotes I mean paraphrasing so it reads better rather than a direct quote all the time :) Ryan Norton ^{T | @ | C} 17:06, 6 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I assume you mean sending it to FAC in a month or so, since I have no intention of sending it now. Extraordinary Machine 21:46, 6 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]